You haven't heard the story of the Resurrection? You are in for a treat:
After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” (Matt 28:1-7)
The women asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?” (Mark 16:3)
"What do you mean, 'who will roll away the stone?'" The angel asked. "I just bloody rolled it away! Didn't you see? I had a bloody grande entrance with an earthquake and everything!" (Apocryphal Gospel of AConcernedCitizen)
But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’ ” (Mark 16:4-7)
"I already bloody told them all that!" The angel sitting on the stone outside the entrance yelled to the angel inside on the right side. (Apocryphal Gospel of AConcernedCitizen)
Try as they might, neither Mary could find the body of Jesus anywhere in the tomb. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright, the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’” Then they remembered his words. (Luke 24:3-8)
"Twenty talents says they still haven't got the message." The angel on the right said, watching the women leave. (Apocryphal Gospel of AConcernedCitizen)
So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” He said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” (Matt 28:8-10)
Mary came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!” (John 20:2)
The two angels watching the exchange facepalmed in perfect unison. "Forget it. I guess I'll just meet my disciples in Jerusalem instead." Jesus said to them. (Apocryphal Gospel of AConcernedCitizen)