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Manc Skipper

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I used to think Jesus was a Scot. He went out an a Friday and got hammered, and didn't rise till Sunday! Then I realised it couldn't be true, or the Last Supper would have been wrapped in newspaper and smelled of vinegar!
(Fish and chips!)
 

justabubba

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One morning a husband returns to the cabin after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap .
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out, since it is such a beautiful day.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, " Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies , (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to write you up a ticket. "
"For reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area ," he informs her again ."
"But officer, I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
" Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to write you up a ticket and you'll have to pay a fine."
" If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden .
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he immediately departed.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
 

justabubba

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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside
And asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue,
curse the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a shithead is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”
May be an image of 3 people, people standing, people playing sports and text







https://www.facebook.com/EDOG35?__c...wj9loB1MXG_-sSPsNfYlSNFkGMK5BMQ&__tn__=<<,P-R
 

Manc Skipper

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MY uncle Eric died recently. He was found naked with a belt around his neck and a dildo in his rear end. The vicar said he'd always be remembered for his charity work.
WRONG!
 

justabubba

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May be an image of 3 people, people standing and text


At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside, and asked,
"Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy."
Do you understand what matters are whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse the umpire,
or call him a jerk. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not a stupid decision or that the coach is a butt head is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good!", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!”
 
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