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Joke page Political or just funny put them here.

DiAnna said:
Good grief, idiot. Stamp your little feet to protest all those females who ignore idiots who insist on bullying, demeaning and belittling them in order to puff up their own egos, pretending they are bosses of those "lowly females" who work for or are sadly married to them.
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Oh mi.... I am sorry, comrade female-american. I am also against oppressed women using the surnames of their natural male enemies. Women should use Native American names, such as "Slender doe", "Gentle bird", and so on.
Or in your case, "Busty Owl" according to the avatar.
 
- A study conducted in the United States showed that:
1. The popular sport of the urban population is basketball
2. The favorite sport of maintenance people is bowling
3. The favorite sport of the average staff is football
4. The favorite sport of senior staff is baseball
5. The favorite sport of directors is tennis
6. The favorite sport of business owners is golf

The conclusion - the higher your position, the smaller the balls!
 
Two old ladies sitting on a park bench, feeding the ducks.

A young man in a raincoat runs up and flashes them.

One old lady had a stroke.

The other wasn't quick enough.
 
A man comes to a psychiatrist and says:
"Doctor, I have the same strange dream every night. It's like I'm pulling a train from Atlanta to Memphis, and in the morning I feel so tired, as if I was dragging it in reality. Help me!.
The doctor advises:
- Before going to bed, tell yourself that your duty is to drag the train only as far as Birmingham, and then let whoever wants to drag it on.
All right, Doctor. Thanks.
After a while, the same guy comes again.
"Doctor, I'm having a different dream now. It's like I'm having sex with 10 girls all night and then I'm dead in the morning. I can barely crawl to work. Help me!.
- Tell to yourself before going to bed, that your duty is to have sex with only four girls, and then let anyone who wants to continue.
Doctor, can't I have only two?!
- Is it so bad to have four girls? Many people would dream about such dreams...
Damn, doctor, I still have to pull this stinking train to Birmingham after that!
 
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The king of an African country issued a royal decree: "No one may kill any wild animals." The decree was honored, but soon there were too many lions and tigers in the kingdom. The people revolted, and the king was removed from power. It was the first known instance of a reign being called on account of game.
 
Then there was the African king who ruled from a grass house and sat on a throne made of stone.
His subjects got together and made him a nice new comfortable throne with a soft cushy seat, and he stowed the old stone throne in the attic.
One day, while he was sitting on his new throne, his old throne fell through the grass ceiling and killed him.
The moral of the story is that people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
 
Yesterday, during sex, my wife screamed so much that I had to let her into the house...
-
Ad for the casting of the film: An impotent is required to play the role of a negative character in a porn film.
 
My wife just saw this on her social media the other day:


"I got pulled over on US 225 for going 7 mph over the speed limit.
As the officer started walking up to my truck, i rolled my windows down .....
My adorable and apparently INCREDIBLY smart 4 yr old daughter, started screaming from the backseat:
“It’s coming out!!!!!”
“I can’t hold it any longer Mommy!!!!!”
“It’s almost here!!!!!!!! Mommy!!!”
Now the trooper is HEARING her scream this....
and he leans in the window and asks her “What’s going on here???”
Daughter looks him DEAD IN THE FACE
And says “I’ve got poop coming outta my butt!!”
He started laughing
I looked like I was about to cry
He asked how far I had to go, which was about 2 miles home.
He told me to drive safe and get little miss home to do her business. He could NOT stop laughing
As soon as we pulled away I asked “What the hell was that about???”
This kid smirked and said “I saw it on YouTube but I didn’t think it would work”
I said “So...... You're not pooping ?”
She said nope...and you're not in trouble either.
OMG
This kid is my hero."
 
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A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer breasts, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
 
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party.

Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished...Naturally, (since he was her husband.)

Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

"Did you dance much ?"

"You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."
 
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”
 

So we build 10,000 factories with incredible environmental thoughts over the next 4 years and move on. F'M" Chineese and Russians They are what Japan & Germany were in 1938 and Iran + N.K. are. Not friends, not ever !
 
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy street.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at ...the crosswalk.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a police officer.
He took her to the police station where she placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, the policeman opened the cell door and said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.
You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!"
 
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"





https://www.facebook.com/Retrowifey...RX-Kuvw-zix2PvgIJJ6gCsFpNQJZsB_&__tn__=<<,P-R
 
The donkey told the tiger, "The grass is blue." The tiger replied, "No, the grass is green ." The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion. As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn't it true that the grass is blue?" The lion replied: "If you believe it is true, the grass is blue." The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him." The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence." The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue..." The tiger asked the lion, "Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?" The lion replied, ′′You've known and seen the grass is green." The tiger asked, ′′So why do you punish me?" The lion replied, "That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is degrading for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with an ass, and on top of that, you came and bothered me with that question just to validate something you already knew was true!" The biggest waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense. There are people who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand. Others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t. When IGNORANCE SCREAMS, intelligence moves on.
 
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today.
 
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