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Joke page Political or just funny put them here.

Councilman

Councilman

DP Veteran
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
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1,657
Location
Riverside, County, CA.
Gender
Male
Political Leaning
Conservative
I would like to start out by saying Mine are just jokes and in no way should they be taken a a serious threat to the Dictator in Chief. I'm just an old guy with a sense of humor who thinks most politicians SUCK especially the ones in the Liberal Granola Party You may call them Dems where I call them Dim, what ever you call the Granola party what ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.

From the Councilman's news desk; This just in there is no good news to report today as word has just come down from Washington D.C. that tells us Dictator in Chief Obama has passed his physical and has no serious illnesses at this time. Stay tuned we'll hopefully have flem at 11:00.
 
From theCouncilmans news desk
This just in: Hopes were running high as news from Washington DC was reporting that Dictator In Chief Obama had come to his senses and was actually taking steps expected of a real American Patriot. The ACLU ( Associated Communist Lovers Union) was in the midst of planning massive protests when the hopes and dreams of true Americans were dashed as the report of Obama coming to his senses proved to be just another internet hoax. And that's the latest news update.
 
One day in the future, Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell for lying, where the devil is waiting for him.

'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who
weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.'

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

'No,' Obama said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long.'

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Barney Frank with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. 'No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,' commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. There in this in this room everyone is standing waist deep in pig droppings and this is better than all the other options so the Obama says okay I'll take this room. So the devil says okay points to guy and says you can go. Obama jump in. Obama jumps in up to his waist and says to the guy next to him. Hey except for the smell this ain't that bad. Just then a whistle goes off and over a PA system Obama hears. "Alright break time is over everybody back on your heads".

The devil smiled and says . . . . . (This is priceless)
 
Definitions everyone needs to know and understand

Recession is when your neighbor loses their job.
Depression is when you lose your Job.
Recovery is when Obama loses his job.
 
Democrat Vs Republican solutions

After leaving the White House Obama starts a painting business and receives a call from a man who wants an estimate on painting a flag pole. When he arrives he asks the owner how tall the pole is and is told by the owner he has no idea how tall it is. So with that Obama starts to shinny up the poll. He gets up about 6 ft, and slides back 5. He repeats this several times and finally gives up. A young republican who was watching walks up and asks: "What are you trying to do?" The owner explains they're trying to measure how tall the flag pole is so they can tell how much paint it will take to paint it so Obama can give him an estimate. The young republican says: "Why don't you just undo those four bolts down there and lay it down and measure it?" Obama shakes his head and says: "Just like a dumb Republican we don't want to know how long it is we want to find out how tall it is." :lol: :rofl
 
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Liberal Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.'

'Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shiite out of them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shiite out of a Liberal Politician, there's nothing left but an a--hole and a briefcase and bad ideas.
 
The Italian who went to Detroit

Wonna day, I'ma go to Detroit to a bigga hotel: I go down to eat breakfast, I tella the waitress I wanna two piss's toast. She bring only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say got to the toilet; I say you not understand; I wanna two piss on my plate. She say: You better not piss on the plate, you sonamabitch. I don' even know the lady and sche calls me sonamabitch.

Later, I go to eat lunch at the Drake restaurant. The waitress bringa me a spoon, and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock, she tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her you not understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonamabitch.

So I go back to my room in the bigga hotel and there's no shet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna shet, he tellsa me to go to the toilet, I say you not understand, I wanna shet on my bed. He say you better not shet on the bed, you sonamabitch.

I go to the check out and the man at the desk he saya to me "peace to you"; I say "piss onna you too, you sonamabitch.

I go back to italy.
 
A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.

"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.

"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other."

"This I gotta see," replied the agent.

With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.

"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago ."

"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"

The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."
 
What is the difference between God and Obama?
God doesn't think he's Obama!

What do God and Obama have in common.
God has no Birth Certificate either.

I'm sorry to admit I heard these from Rush in a promo. I don't listen to him because I can't stand him.
 
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Two Al Queda spies are having lunch at a restaurant in Los Angeles, as one of them begins to speak in Arab.
His partner stops him saying. "You'll blow our cover this is the United States speak Spanish."
 
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A Swearing in or Swearing At

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as the government
under went a peaceful transition of power a few months ago.
At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism while Barack Obama took his
Oath of Office.
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched 7 Marines, in
full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the President..

It was then that I realized how far America 's Military had deteriorated.

Every last one of them missed Obama every damn time.

Author unknown
 
What's do a 375 pound bag of bricks and a 375 pound woman have in common? Sooner or later, one of 'em's gonna get laid by a mexican.

three explorers wash up on an island. That night they black out. They wake up and they are all tied to trees. In front of them is a native tribal community. The leader says "If you can stick 10 of the fruit we tell you to, we'll set you free, if you move, or make a sound before, we'll kill you." The first explorer had strawberries, he grunts at 5, so they kill him. The second guy had grapes, he laughs at 9, so they kill him. when the two guys meet up in heaven, the first guy asks "Why did you laugh?" The second guy says "Because the third guy had pineapples."

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill? a mudslide, what do you call a bunch of white guys running down a hill? An avalanche, what do you call a bunch of black guys running down a hill? jailbreak.

A terrorist suicide bomber blows up an American embassy. He is in paradise, and he says "Alah, I'm waiting for my virgins!" Just then he hears a voice that says "Hey, wanna come play magic with us?"
 
A small collection of Obama jokes Authors unknown.


Q. What will America's national bird be when Obama takes office?

A. His middle finger.

Q. What will the difference be between President Obama and Karl Marx?

A. Nobody knows.

Unlike former Presidents, Obama is not a member of the NRA, National Rifle Association. He's joined William Ayers organization instead. The NBA, the National Bombers Association.

Q. Why won't President Obama have a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner?

A. Vice President Biden will be out of town.


As President, Obama intends to run the country's finances just like he ran his household finances. He's got a book of blank checks

Q. Why will Obama ride in the back of a Presidential limousine?

A. The Vatican wouldn't sell him a Pope-Mobile.
 
Q. Okay what is the one good thing Obama has done since the inauguration?

A. I know I couldn't come up with anything either.
 
A young mother was tucking her little boy into bed one night. The little boy asked: Mommy I scared will you sleep with me tonight? She replied: I'm sorry son I have to sleep with your father. Bobby said: The big sissy!
 
I wish I could take credit for these but they are by Entrepreneur

What does Obama say when you sneeze around him? I bless you.

What happens when Obama mentions his relationship with Saul Alinsky? He turns red.

Why won’t Obama laugh at himself? He doesn’t want to be accused of being a racist.

Why won’t Obama drink Pepsi? He wrote in his book that he prefers Coke.
 
Have you heard about the new Muslim Monopoly Game? The game board depicts the streets of Mecca and they replaced the "Get out of Jail Free Card" with an Islamic I.D. card, it's equivalent under Obama.
 
Did you hear about the reporter who got in trouble for saying we're going to have real problems if Obama doesn't stop monkeying around with the economy?
His boss said it was racist to use the phrase "monkeying around." and Obama in the same sentence, but then he got in real trouble when he accused his boss of aping typical Obama attack methods.
 
Oh my God I just had an Obama moment.

What is an Obama moment, you ask? It is defined as a time when nothing you see or are hearing at a given moment makes any sense at all, just like you were actually listening to Obama Been Lying talking.

Copyright © 2009 By Dave Mitchell
 
The following is a satirical piece of video Political humor it is fiitting that it show it's face today in light of the elections yesterday.

I find it to be exceedingly clever and hilarious to boot. I hope you get a kick out of it.

For you Radical Liberals you might want to skip this and just read up on you Alenski Rules for radicals or the Cloward & Piven Plan.

And now without further ado: President at the Bat

:bravo: To the creators.
 
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The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that ....with one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded the bitch!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY!

Kind of brings a tear to your eyes, doesn't it?
 
A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"

Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."

"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.

But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks,

"Are you calling me a horse's ass?"


"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ass."

"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,

"Hard to fool them flies, though. "
 
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Obama was in Fort Worth giving a speech at a Rodeo every few minutes the crowd would yell Wahoo! wWahoo! When he was finished he asked the Mayor where the men's room was.

The Mayor replied it's on the other side of the arena, you cut cut across right here. But Be careful not to step in any of the Wahoo. Those steers go all over.
 
How do I tell the difference between your "jokes" and your normal posts?
 
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