Johnathan Leftwinger MP's GUILTY FAMILY SECRET

[MickB]

"Roger Leftwinger, the Labour Party Member Of Parliament for the constituency of Solidarity West, is seen here rapturously enjoying the performance of Land Of Hope And Glory given by the band in his local park.

"'These are good Englishmen and I am proud to know them', said Leftwinger to our reporter yesterday. 'I am sure that we can count on these solid patriots in the future to defend our shores in the event of future war'.

At that evening's Labour meeting he told his activists that a good British Socialist has to British first in order to best serve the country." - Daily Mail, July 29, 1937

So now you know readers. My father was a traitor who believed in the fascism of patriotism! And he compounded this bigotry by believing in Britain's 'duty' to develop nuclear weaponry come the 1950s! No wonder the Soviets felt so persecuted by Western armed barbarism!

However could Labour have been allowed to operate whilst continuing to employ such horrible people? I mean, not a single black face!

Luckily for Britain today, the Labour Left has now reformed into a beautiful poppy of righteousness and equality, as everybody should now know.

However, my friendship with noble equality fighter Kim Philby was almost soured when I very nearly exposed my father's disgusting story, though I think he knew. Can't have people as worthy as him upset now, stands to reason.

Good job my dad's dead now, eh?! Or he'd campaign Tony Blair to update our nuclear arms in the face of the persecuted Iranians!

VOTE LABOUR! Despite the fact we've got Blair, we can still do the job right!

 

[Billo_Really]

I sat a foot away from my fathers bed at the VA hospital in Reno, Nevada and watched him pass away. The last thing I said to him was, "I love you, dad!"

 

[MickB]

JOHNATHAN REPLIES IN PERSON:

Look, I didn't mean to come across all insensitive there, I was just proving a point about the differences between the silly Old Labour and the vibrant and forward-thinking New Labour. I mean, it's like cooking isn't it. After all, given the choice between eating Old and New potatoes, only an idiot would choose Old over New. Leastways in my house. Which just proves it.

And anyway, as it turns out, I am in fact quite sad that my father died when he did. I was only 2 weeks into my intensive three year crash course (with exams) into why New Labour's the way to be and how he should be part of it in order to escape disgrace in the eyes of our Left Wing peers. Not too much to ask, though he was too stubborn just to sit there and listen.

Between you and me, I think he committed suicide just to get away from me! And I never got to tell him I loved him either (that was going to be part of the reward when he successfully converted to the post-nuclear ways of the New Left).

I was only doing my job, but I lost a father. Still, I suppose it was all for the best. In the last years we never got on and I have to say that he did cough a lot.

VOTE LABOUR - Because people like me determine your future and you'd best not upset us!
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" War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today,"
-John F. Kennedy .

Indeed mate! We the real Lefties in Labour deplore war you know and want to see universal peace and disarmament.

And when the stormtrooping hordes representing hatred and terrorism bash on our unilateralist doors, I can safely say that the superiority of Left Wing diplomacy and common sense will see off the forces of evil without a shot being fired!

It's called the BELIEF IN THE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN!

VOTE LABOUR! We know what we're talking about!!!