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It's not as easy as I thought...

I thought Incould put all of this behind us and Tom and Incould go back to the way it was. How naive. It's been very difficult for the last three days. I've never been cheated on in my life, that I know of, it's so unsettling. Truth is that once a partner breaks trust, the relationship can hardly be the same.

And because of my personal health situation, I consider it an even greater break of trust. A complete lack of morality that is hard to shake.

And while Tom is the one who broke his trust with me, it's hard for me to shake that this woman must be a real piece of work. Having lost her husband four years ago to cancer, she has to know how devastating Tom's betrayal would be to me. He said she wanted me to know she never meant to hurt me. **** that. She just didn't give a ****.


Yesterday, his having deleted his call log was getting to me. So I went on line and looked at his cell phone account. In the last month, he'd called her over 100 times on her cell and home numbers. Hurt all over again.

I checked previous months, and the same thing had been going on as far back as last August (when the online detail stopped). He claims it all started last June. I don't believe him. He claims he didn't sleep with her. I don't believe him. He claims its over. I don't believe him. He asked me if I just wanted to keep his phone. My head goes to his just going out and getting another cell phone and keeping it in his car. Oh Lord. What a **** up. What's done cannot be undone.


Dont cheat on those you love. There's is not much in the world that is more painful. This has been a hundred times more difficult than my prognosis.

Is Tom staying with me because of the financial arrangements I've made for him when I die? Does an eighteen year loving relationship deserve that anyway? My atty told me never to tell him about it. I was proud to tell him because I knew he'd be so worried about what would happen to him after I died. Now I understand why the atty was so adamant.

If I tell Tom to leave, I have to find homes for my animals and probably consider selling the house and moving into a condo. Right now I feel well enough to tackle all of that, but that could change tomorrow morning. And rehoming the animals would break my heart. What to do...

i never saw the end of my life infolding loke this.

Well, anyway, today's my chemo appointment. I see the doc as well. Pretty sure he'll order a scan to see if the Opdiva is doing any good. I hope so. It's been a cakewalk with this new immunotherapy treatment. The physician's assistant told me this new immunotherapy is the up and coming latest treatment. I can honestly say Ive had no side effects at all.

Thanks for listening. Sorry to bring such trashy posts to DP, but sharing my thoughts is therapeutic.

❤️
 
Honest straight up opinion Maggie..... Tom screwed you royally and you do not owe him a thing. Providing for him would only reward him for the injury he has done to you. I would change all that if I were you.

At this point you have to cut your losses and do what you have to do for yourself. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself everything.
 
You have more control over you, than you do over Tom. You have a serious battle in progress in an effort to restore your health and stay alive. I would think you want people and pets in your life that inspire Love and give you Hope. Keep the focus on you, your needs, your wants. I know I want to live with more Grace, more Honor, more Hope and more Love. Life for me comes down to service. How do I... how did I.... treat and serve those I love the most? Picture a three-legged stool... one leg Mind, one leg Body, one leg Soul. If we keep Mind, Body and Soul in balance, we sit on top of a very stable stool. No one fails who tries their best. You can't aspire to much more than doing the next right thing. If you haven't gotten dinged up in Life, you haven't lived. Take what you have left and keep going! You, me, Tom... none of us get to escape our karma. You have fans Maggie. Feel our Love!
 
Maggie, I confess that I simply don't understand how some people can bring themselves to treat others.
All I can say is that I'm not qualified to give anyone advice but I wish I knew you personally to maybe help take your mind off things ... at least what little I can.
 
Sorry to hear this news Maggie. I was cheated on while pregnant many years ago. Let me tell you it consumed my life even though I was having some health problems from the pregnancy. The doctor had also just told us that the child had a chance of being down syndrome so there was so much stress. With that said, nothing else matter once I found out I was cheated on but that horrible feeling of betrayal and the lies. I think I spent an entire year going through old phone bills to try and see how long I was being deceived since I didn't believe a single thing he had to say to me. Anyway, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. One piece of advice I will give is take care of yourself!
 
$200K And a house is leverage Maggie, it's yours, you can use it. You dont have that much time left right, I think the least he could do is suck it up and break up with his girlfriend till you pass, maybe he gets nothing if he is not willing to do that for you, you catch him one time talking to her it is out the door and he gets nothing. You will however need a backup caretaker who you can trust to actually show up and try to do a good job. Is there one to be had?

As for him staying for the money, does it really matter in the whole scheme of things? 17 years is a long time to have a good run, maybe you let that go.
 
When it comes to financial arrangements, you can always change that so that it goes to your favorite charity. Like your atty said, Tom doesn't have to know...

But possibly re-homing the animals. That's the toughest and saddest part.
 
Maggie, from my perspective, such a trust broken can never be repaired - second chances should not be offered in such situations. I know of no relationship where the bond has been broken in this way where it has been repaired for more than a fleeting time. I hope you live forever, but while you're ill do you also want to have this stress and worry hanging over you every day? Wondering what he's lying to you about today, tomorrow, next week? In your state of health, all that matters is you and what's best for you on the road to full recovery. Such a situation could set you back. Ask your doctor if stress could be a contributing factor to your condition worsening - I'll bet he/she says yes.

It's easy for me to say, but I'd look at it this way. When I get better, I can start fresh on a new life with new hopes and possibilities and the person who hurt me out of my new life. And if I don't get better, at least I didn't waste my end of time with someone who so disrespected me and what I'd given them over the years.
 
As hard as it might be I feel that there is no mending a relationship in which one cheated on another. The trust is gone.

Spending time with a person that betrays another, to me, is just waiting to be betrayed again, and at the very least... to always wonder if you are being betrayed, used or treated like a fool.

No matter what it is a difficult situation to have to deal with.
 
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