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Israeli Policy in 10 Easy Points

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Winston Smith

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My thanks to all our pro-Israeli posters for helping me see the light. I've finally figured out how the whole Israel situation works, so I've decided to put my new understanding in a form I hope everyone will benefit from. With these easy points, you too can be fair, informed, and most important, always right.

***MEMORIZATION TIP***

These points are arranged in sets of two. Each even-numbered point somehow negates the odd-numbered point that comes before it. So, you don't really have to learn ten points. Just learn five and remember their opposites!


1. Israel can't defend itself because its hands are tied by the UN, which selectively enforces international law against Israel while giving other parties a free pass. But...

2. Israel doesn't have to worry about UN resolutions against it because most of them are non-binding and no one ever enforces them anyway.

3. Arabs were driven from Israeli land solely because of Arab aggression. Israel's goal is to live in peace with all who will live peacefully. But...

4. It is essential to Israel's existence that Palestinian refugees not be allowed to return to Israel.

5. As the victor against Arab aggression, Israel is entitled to spoils of war, and Arabs deserved to lose something. Therefore negotiation is optional, and no one should feel sorry for the Palestinians. But...

6. As the victim of ongoing Arab aggression, Israel is at risk of losing something. Therefore negotiation is optional, and everyone should feel sorry for the Israelis.

7. Palestinians are irrational because they support terrorist attacks on civilians in violation of international law. Those who commit such acts are war criminals, and no goal can excuse their conduct. But...

8. It is reasonable for Israel to kill civilians and destroy civilian infrastructure in violation of international law, provided that it's expedient to the goal of defending Israeli lives or property.

9. It is racist to impute any act, attitude, or opinion to a group of people based on their ethnicity. But...

10. Arabs are virtually united in their hatred of Israel. Moreover, Arab nations have taken no responsibility for Palestinians in the Israeli-occupied territories. If their fellow Arabs don't even think they're worth caring about, there's little reason for anyone else to care about them.


This list is non-exhaustive. You may need to add to it from time to time, but it will always be easy if you follow the formula. Most Israel-haters will never be able to rebut you with a fact-based argument. If they do, remember...just contradict whatever you said before, and voila! You win again.
 
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