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Is it possible to help a friend who does not think they have a problem?

Baralis

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A close friend of mine has a serious gambling problem. He makes about 75K a year and last year alone he spent almost 30K (that he could remember) in casinos. I believe the real number is much much higher.

To give you an idea how bad his addiction has become I will tell you a few of the things that he has done. He is a truck driver by trade and now lives in his truck. He has no bills other than a cell phone and 1 credit card. The reason I mention his bills is so you will get an idea that his money isnt going to pay alot of bills.

Payday for him is on fridays. He makes over 1k per week. On a common week he will hit a casino friday night and by sunday he is totally broke and will often times ask his boss for an advance for food for the following week which will be deducted out of his paycheck the following friday. He will sometimes spend a large portion of this money in casinos as well and go hungry.

Three years ago he decided to start his own trucking operation. He went to the local bank and secured a large loan which he used to purchase a few tractor-trailors. A couple weeks later he went back to the bank and borrowed a large sum ($25K) for operating costs. Two weeks later the entire amount had been spent in a local casino. He didnt even leave himself enough funds to fuel his first trip. He ended up filling bankruptcy and lost everything he owned without ever pulling a load.

I have tried telling him that he has got to stop gambling but he seems to be in denial. I point out how his addiction has wrecked his life and how it had caused him to lose everything he ever had. When pointed out to him he refuses to see it. He honestly seems to think that he has come out ahead gamling even tho he has no money and nothing to show for any of it.

I have mentioned to him many times that he should call a gambling addiction center and talk with them. He blows me off and tell me there is no issue.

So my question. Any ideas on how I may be able to help him? I hate to see a good person ruin themselves over a addiction like this while I sit back and not try and help but I am not sure its even possible to help someone who cannot see there own problem.
 

Harry Guerrilla

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So my question. Any ideas on how I may be able to help him? I hate to see a good person ruin themselves over a addiction like this while I sit back and not try and help but I am not sure its even possible to help someone who cannot see there own problem.
Sometimes people have to crash in order to realize that they have a problem, which is unfortunate.
I suggest you keep trying to get him help but remind yourself that is the limit.
He's going to have to eat it one day.

75k, man if I made that much I'd be set.
 

aps

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Sometimes people have to crash in order to realize that they have a problem, which is unfortunate.
I suggest you keep trying to get him help but remind yourself that is the limit.
He's going to have to eat it one day.

75k, man if I made that much I'd be set.
Yeah, I agree with Harry. I think your friend is going to have to crash.

However, having said that, when you have spoken to him, have you laid out the facts to him as you did in your OP? If not, I suggest you try that as a last resort. If so, you have done what you can, and the rest is up to him. That would be frustrating and saddening for me to watch happen to a friend. You have told him your concerns and what you think he should do, which is what a good friend does. Again, the rest is up to him.
 

CaptainCourtesy

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Point out the facts as you know them, on paper. Debate him if he tries to refute them with excuses. Ultimately, though, unless he admits he has a problem, there is little you can do. Just don't enable him.
 

aps

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Point out the facts as you know them, on paper. Debate him if he tries to refute them with excuses. Ultimately, though, unless he admits he has a problem, there is little you can do. Just don't enable him.
Love the paper idea! I hope you try that, Baralis. Come back and let us know what happens. Just be sure to show concern in your written words without sounding preachy. I don't get the impression you would exude such emotion, but I wanted to state that to make myself feel better. ;) You are a good and caring friend.
 

Baralis

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Love the paper idea! I hope you try that, Baralis. Come back and let us know what happens. Just be sure to show concern in your written words without sounding preachy. I don't get the impression you would exude such emotion, but I wanted to state that to make myself feel better. ;) You are a good and caring friend.
Thank you everyone for your feedback and suggestions. I will try writing it all down in a positive way and hope that it gets threw to him. I will give an update the next time I see him. It may be some time before I do however. With him being a truck driver it is sometimes months between visits.
 

lizzie

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Imo and in my experience, you can't help someone who doesn't think they have a problem, in which case they won't want help. You're a thoughtful friend for wanting to do so, and your concern is a laudible thing.:)
 

Mell

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So my question. Any ideas on how I may be able to help him? I hate to see a good person ruin themselves over a addiction like this while I sit back and not try and help but I am not sure its even possible to help someone who cannot see there own problem.
I dont think you can help someone if they dont want to be helped. I would do some research though, and have the information ready, in case he ever expresses a desire to change.
 
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