Arthur Fonzarelli
Active member
- Joined
- May 25, 2005
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- Location
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin
- Gender
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I don't recall ever spanking my son (he's 13 now). I know my wife did a few times (it was rare though). As a child I was spanked excessively by my father. I can recall only being spanked by my mother twice my entire life. My mother was whipped excessively by her father. Now my wife wasn't spanked much as a child. Although her brother was.
I believe a very involved relationship with your children can prevent many situations from ever getting to the point that you find it necessary to spank your child. My son gets punished by taking things away. We also reward for good behavior (not as a bribe, but rewarding him when he shows some sort of maturity in a given situation). EXAMPLE: not complaining when he's told to do something - (take out trash, mow the yard, shovel snow or run the snow blower, etc.) - not just once but over a period of time that he shows positive behavior. We may buy him something he'd been wanting for a while. Or we may go do something fun as a family. As for any serious misbehavior - to be honest, my son isn't that bad of a kid. I believe that's due to our relationship. I do not take away going to a practice - in this case you're punishing a team for something they didn't do. I know in some situations it may not hurt a team but in the case of my son him not being there; especially for a game; would hurt his team immensely (being a pitcher and an above .500 hitter). Only one thing will cause me to make him quit a sport. If his grades fall below a "B." (and in this case it wouldn't be missing a practice or game - he'd have to quit the season). Though the state only requires a 1.5 GPA I think that's far too low. I require my son bring home A's and B's. Anything less will result in the loss of whatever extra curricular activity he may be involved with at the time. Plus a home grounding will also be enforced (no playstation, friends, etc.). The home stuff will lighten up if I see some immediate improvement. The whole grounding won't be released until I either see an improved grade card or interim report. Last year my son had to quit wrestling. Quitting wasn't that hard - the hard part was walking into practice with his equipment, handing it to the coach and explaining why he had to quit. That embarrassment was more powerfull than any spanking or grounding. Since baseball is his favorite sport he understands that a low grade could result in it being taken away. Though this would hurt the team I feel grades are far more important than anything else. Especially since he wants to go to Texas or Florida for college (they both have great baseball programs). For the most part he's a very good student (he's in some accelerated classes). Next year he'll be in high school (yes he'll be in 9th grade even though he'll still be 13 when the school year starts - he's young for his grade) and he'll be in an honors math and science class. College prep for social studies and english. Plus some electives geared toward engineering (blue print reading and a CAD class). He wants to be an architect.
Sorry, I got off topic a bit. BUT, I really think our relationship has more to do with his behavior than any punishment I've ever given to him. We talk a lot - sometimes just about sports as if we're just buddies and other times about life long goals and what not. And, what it's going to take to achieve those goals. He's a very hard worker. Although, sometimes he needs a little push and a reminder to stay focused. that's about the worst of it with my son. I don't worry about drugs or smoking or swearing or anything like that - basically because we've talked about it and those who do those things. He also has a pretty good core group of friends. I think that helps as well. He doesn't hang out with trouble makers. He's actually put off by them. Again, this goes back to our relationship. Talk before you have problems.
Sorry again for rambling so much. I hope I didn't appear to brag too much about my son. I sometimes do - I'm very proud of him thus far.
I believe a very involved relationship with your children can prevent many situations from ever getting to the point that you find it necessary to spank your child. My son gets punished by taking things away. We also reward for good behavior (not as a bribe, but rewarding him when he shows some sort of maturity in a given situation). EXAMPLE: not complaining when he's told to do something - (take out trash, mow the yard, shovel snow or run the snow blower, etc.) - not just once but over a period of time that he shows positive behavior. We may buy him something he'd been wanting for a while. Or we may go do something fun as a family. As for any serious misbehavior - to be honest, my son isn't that bad of a kid. I believe that's due to our relationship. I do not take away going to a practice - in this case you're punishing a team for something they didn't do. I know in some situations it may not hurt a team but in the case of my son him not being there; especially for a game; would hurt his team immensely (being a pitcher and an above .500 hitter). Only one thing will cause me to make him quit a sport. If his grades fall below a "B." (and in this case it wouldn't be missing a practice or game - he'd have to quit the season). Though the state only requires a 1.5 GPA I think that's far too low. I require my son bring home A's and B's. Anything less will result in the loss of whatever extra curricular activity he may be involved with at the time. Plus a home grounding will also be enforced (no playstation, friends, etc.). The home stuff will lighten up if I see some immediate improvement. The whole grounding won't be released until I either see an improved grade card or interim report. Last year my son had to quit wrestling. Quitting wasn't that hard - the hard part was walking into practice with his equipment, handing it to the coach and explaining why he had to quit. That embarrassment was more powerfull than any spanking or grounding. Since baseball is his favorite sport he understands that a low grade could result in it being taken away. Though this would hurt the team I feel grades are far more important than anything else. Especially since he wants to go to Texas or Florida for college (they both have great baseball programs). For the most part he's a very good student (he's in some accelerated classes). Next year he'll be in high school (yes he'll be in 9th grade even though he'll still be 13 when the school year starts - he's young for his grade) and he'll be in an honors math and science class. College prep for social studies and english. Plus some electives geared toward engineering (blue print reading and a CAD class). He wants to be an architect.
Sorry, I got off topic a bit. BUT, I really think our relationship has more to do with his behavior than any punishment I've ever given to him. We talk a lot - sometimes just about sports as if we're just buddies and other times about life long goals and what not. And, what it's going to take to achieve those goals. He's a very hard worker. Although, sometimes he needs a little push and a reminder to stay focused. that's about the worst of it with my son. I don't worry about drugs or smoking or swearing or anything like that - basically because we've talked about it and those who do those things. He also has a pretty good core group of friends. I think that helps as well. He doesn't hang out with trouble makers. He's actually put off by them. Again, this goes back to our relationship. Talk before you have problems.
Sorry again for rambling so much. I hope I didn't appear to brag too much about my son. I sometimes do - I'm very proud of him thus far.
