Is it fair to the child? (1 Viewer)

[talloulou]

They are, but I know who my family is. The whole thing bothers me, but because I feel bad for them, not knowing who their ancestors are, not for me and my sister. (And because a lot of this "running around" occurred after my parents were married.)

Be happy to treat our "niece" like a member of the family, but she ain't willing to entertain the notion we're related and there's no point in pressing the issue. It's her call, and there's a chance it's all coincidence.

Well that's my whole point in this thread. I feel as if the article's author is being wrongly accused of "whining" about a topic that deserves thought. I have nothing against single mothers or same sex couples. However I do believe people should take the ramifications and obligations that go along with reproduction far more seriously than our current populace seems to.

I dislike the notion that that there is nothing wrong with having a child and then relieving yourself of the obligation of raising that child. The idea that children would be or should apathetic towards their origins seems so absurd to me. But you hear it alot lately whether it's lesbian couples who view a father as sperm or fathers who claim their child is better off being raised by the mother and her new husband without the real father's interference. It's a sad reflection of how willing we are to ascribe our own feelings on to children versus viewing them as individuals with their own independent feelings. Then we balk when they grow up and play startled when these individuals start voicing their opinions. We don't place enough value on children and the obligations that should be inherent with parenthood.

 

[Stinger]

You'd have a hole in your heart and whole being if you discovered that you had a brother who you never met?

Yes I would and I would try to seek them out.

I've got a half brother who I've never met, but I don't have a hole in my whole being - or even half a hole for that matter. Would you/Do you?

Too bad for you. And no I don't have any unknown relatives.

 

[1069]

What's your opinion about adoptees?
Do you think they should seek out their biological families, or are their adoptive families supposed to be enough for them?

 

[Jerry]

What's your opinion about adoptees?
Do you think they should seek out their biological families, or are their adoptive families supposed to be enough for them?

I would hope that the children I adopted out are comfortable enough with their family to not seek a replacement. I don't doubt that in 8-10 years I'll hear a knock at my door.....a casual acquaintance would be fine, but I don't care for my younger children to know that there were 2 before them until they are 16-18, as that may lead to insecurity on their part. I wouldn't want my sons feeling that I'll just get rid of them if they do something wrong, or similar.

 

[disneydude]

The fallacy of this entire thread is that Stinger takes an opinion column by one individual and then makes huge generalizations about how this is evidence that all children who were conceived by single mothers are somehow equally as traumatized and denied basic rights.
While I understand that this woman has an issue with her upbringing...it doesn't take away from the fact that she was raised in a loving home. I am sure that there are many children raised in two parent homes that would look at this woman's homelife and envy her. That is not to say that her feelings are completely without merit. She is entitled to feel however she wants.
But to cite this as an example of how damaging these relationships are is simply intellectually dishonest.

 

[talloulou]

What's your opinion about adoptees?
Do you think they should seek out their biological families, or are their adoptive families supposed to be enough for them?

I don't think it's necessarily about the adoptive family being "enough." I think you can have a wonderful adoptive family and still be curious about your origins just as you can have the most wonderful stepfather in the world and still wonder where the freak your dad is.

 

[talloulou]

I would hope that the children I adopted out are comfortable enough with their family to not seek a replacement.

Most likely they won't seek you out as a replacement. They will seek you out of a desire to "get a good look at ya" so to speak.

I don't doubt that in 8-10 years I'll hear a knock at my door.....a casual acquaintance would be fine, but I don't care for my younger children to know that there were 2 before them until they are 16-18, as that may lead to insecurity on their part. I wouldn't want my sons feeling that I'll just get rid of them if they do something wrong, or similar.

You probably don't have to worry till your adopted kids are in their late teens but after that yeah I'd agree doorbell could ring anytime. Though generally they call on the telephone first.:mrgreen:

 

[Stinger]

What's your opinion about adoptees?
Do you think they should seek out their biological families, or are their adoptive families supposed to be enough for them?

well you're getting off on a tangent. Let's stick with the subject. Go and read the article and what it is about. An adopted child HAS a father, adopted by she does have that in her life, different as had her parents divorced. She explains that in her article. This is about deliberately creating children without a father AT ALL. That being said more and more adoptees do seek out their bological and more and more states do not keep that information secretive anymore. But that is not what the cited article is all about.

 

[Stinger]

I would hope that the children I adopted out are comfortable enough with their family to not seek a replacement.

If you mean you, why would you think you would ever be a replacement?

I don't doubt that in 8-10 years I'll hear a knock at my door.....a casual acquaintance would be fine,

And if they do come knocking that is what you would tell them? "Oh hey but let's not have anything loving or like that just a casual acquaintance."

but I don't care for my younger children to know that there were 2 before them

Their own brother(s) and sister(s), you get to make that choice for them?

until they are 16-18, as that may lead to insecurity on their part.

Or yours?

I wouldn't want my sons feeling that I'll just get rid of them if they do something wrong, or similar.

Because the others ones did something wrong and that's why you got rid of them? What did THEY do wrong?

 

[Jerry]

I only care to respond to this:

........but I don't care for my younger children to know that there were 2 before them.......

Their own brother(s) and sister(s), you get to make that choice for them?

Yes, I do get to make that choice for them.
My 2 sons are my minor children, therefore I have the authority to disallow any influence which I deem disruptive and/or inappropriate.

The adoptions were a mess to begin with, within my family, I don't care to go into details on exactly how ugly some of my family got, but that is a pot best left unstirred.

If you knew more on my family dynamics you might agree with my decision, and I understand your objection to the general notion of disallowing biological siblings to interact on a familiar level.

Are you Pro-Choice by chance?