It is fine to relinquish control because you want to.
It is unhealthy for you to give up control if it leaves you unhappy. This will erode your self esteem.
I don't even understand all this "control" stuff.
I've never felt the NEED to be "IN CONTROL" of a relationship, so I shy away from potential partners who think in those terms.
We're both on a path together, same road, same destination (hopefully) and every so often it's "I'm going to drive" and then later it's their turn to drive.
But taking turns at the wheel isn't control, because we agreed to be going to the same destination and going down the same road.
And that's where "control" leaves me feeling dragged down, because "control" means one partner wants to go to a different destination, hence the NEED for "control".
That means that person is not on the same path, we're not traveling together, it's more like we're taking turns at "carjacking" each other.
I don't exactly LOVE ALL of Karen's friends "from before" but they're okay enough I am okay hanging out with them, and she's not over the moon about ALL of my friends but she's okay enough with those friends that she doesn't mind them being around from time to time.
And if it ever reached the point where their presence bothered her that much, I'd probably sense a similar feeling because ----- "we are on the same road together" as I mentioned earlier.
My friends are her friends and her friends are my friends and we both like MOST of them A LOT, so it's really only one or two that are lower on the totem pole in my mind, and probably vice versa.
Those one or two aren't bad, it's just that I don't have as much in common with them, that's all.
Example: One of her former shipmates in the Navy, a guy named Todd...he's very different from the crowd I hang with...his politics are vastly different, he has different tastes in music and his personality is very different. But he's an okay guy, and he was a good friend when she was in the Navy. I like that they keep in touch because he's a touchstone to her past back when she wasn't in a wheelchair.
And besides, it's fun to hear him tell those Navy stories, and it's fun to watch them go over all that stuff. He's a nice guy.
It's just that I probably wouldn't have sought him out as a friend if I'd just met him outside of my relationship with Karen.
The motorhead guy down the street that I hang out with is very different from everyone else SHE knows, but he's nice to Karen and she doesn't mind when he comes by.
It really is mostly "my friends are her friends and vice versa".