- Joined
- Nov 5, 2020
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- Political Leaning
- Slightly Liberal
This week, my brother took it upon himself to tell me how he lived his life and to take what I wanted from it and try to incorporate it into my life. He had this bullet point/TED Talk thing on his phone. He started the speech sounding like an intervention, and it ended when I asked him to stop. While he was trying to help me (if I take him at face value), the approach he took -- not allowing for conversation and expecting me to listen and not talk -- is what you do if you want to drag me through the mud. In fact, if he had asked my parents or anyone I have spoken to in the last thirty years -- inlcuding my ex in college, who knew me for like a month -- and told them his plan, they would say his plan would probably not get he result he wanted because that is the approach you take when you communicate that I am in trouble and want to hold me responsible.
Some of what he said ("You did xyz today, but the business world won't care" -- I was tired and asked him if I could send a resume in the morning to him) was like he was talking to me ten years ago. He assumed that what he saw me do in 20 minutes in my parent's house (where I am staying until I get a job) (I walked downstairs in my robe to put something on the counter) meant I was comfortable and should be uncomfortable.
Here's what he didn't know about me/seemed not to care about:
I had a full-time job for three years. I know the corporate world. You can have a full-on mental breakdown due to stress and be in the process of repairing yourself, and your bosses won't care.
Comfortable? Maybe 95% of people wired the same way might be comfortable in my position and think they have a cakewalk. But, you know what's comfortable for me? Complacency, giving up (not suicide, just giving up on trying every day), depression (familiar comfort), and self-isolation. Depending on the day, anything not in these four categories falls between neutral and not comfortable. So, if this is faking it til you make it, then I've been doing that most of my life. Getting up to face the world sometimes pushes barriers depending on the day and my mood.
And now, you're doing what I think is asking me to "Act normal?" Have a 9-5 job when I am 100% purebred nocturnal somehow. I can attend morning meetings, but then I will have to crash. My best individual work happens in the dead of night. It has been this way for as long as I can remember.
So being normal and having a 9-5 job denies my underlying psychology. I tried it once because there was a job I wanted to keep. I wound up having mental health issues.
In sum, he's not asking me to "be uncomfortable all the time;" he's asking me to be uncomfortable all the time on top of the discomfort I feel as a default.
For example, there are five people in the house right now. My brother and his fianceé, my mom and my dad, and me are under the same roof for the week. My dad is usually quiet. I can concentrate on one audio stream no problem. But now there are three audio streams, and I feel very overwhelmed trying to process the audio.
He knows little about me. We've spoken maybe five times in the past two years. I find it presumptive of him to think he can help when he doesn't know me and what I do for five minutes and have whatever minor transgression rubbed in my face as "proof" that I am acting the way he says.
The conversation, as uninformed and well-intentioned as it was, caused me to shut down for about a day. I had to force myself to eat and lost progress on my job search.
Some of what he said ("You did xyz today, but the business world won't care" -- I was tired and asked him if I could send a resume in the morning to him) was like he was talking to me ten years ago. He assumed that what he saw me do in 20 minutes in my parent's house (where I am staying until I get a job) (I walked downstairs in my robe to put something on the counter) meant I was comfortable and should be uncomfortable.
Here's what he didn't know about me/seemed not to care about:
I had a full-time job for three years. I know the corporate world. You can have a full-on mental breakdown due to stress and be in the process of repairing yourself, and your bosses won't care.
Comfortable? Maybe 95% of people wired the same way might be comfortable in my position and think they have a cakewalk. But, you know what's comfortable for me? Complacency, giving up (not suicide, just giving up on trying every day), depression (familiar comfort), and self-isolation. Depending on the day, anything not in these four categories falls between neutral and not comfortable. So, if this is faking it til you make it, then I've been doing that most of my life. Getting up to face the world sometimes pushes barriers depending on the day and my mood.
And now, you're doing what I think is asking me to "Act normal?" Have a 9-5 job when I am 100% purebred nocturnal somehow. I can attend morning meetings, but then I will have to crash. My best individual work happens in the dead of night. It has been this way for as long as I can remember.
So being normal and having a 9-5 job denies my underlying psychology. I tried it once because there was a job I wanted to keep. I wound up having mental health issues.
In sum, he's not asking me to "be uncomfortable all the time;" he's asking me to be uncomfortable all the time on top of the discomfort I feel as a default.
For example, there are five people in the house right now. My brother and his fianceé, my mom and my dad, and me are under the same roof for the week. My dad is usually quiet. I can concentrate on one audio stream no problem. But now there are three audio streams, and I feel very overwhelmed trying to process the audio.
He knows little about me. We've spoken maybe five times in the past two years. I find it presumptive of him to think he can help when he doesn't know me and what I do for five minutes and have whatever minor transgression rubbed in my face as "proof" that I am acting the way he says.
The conversation, as uninformed and well-intentioned as it was, caused me to shut down for about a day. I had to force myself to eat and lost progress on my job search.