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I could never marry someone who......

Josie

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Fill in the blank on your own. Here's mine:

...is okay with abortions at any moment (except in cases to save the mother's life)
...defines themselves as "progressive" or "liberal"
...thinks holding doors for ladies is stupid and too old-fashioned
...doesn't attend church on a frequent basis (at least once a month)
...rarely reads
...always looks to me to make all the decisions
...wants to have separate bank accounts
...thinks permissive parenting is a good thing
...swears on a regular basis
 

tacomancer

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Before I met my wife, I had imagined a very different person to spend my life with. It turned out that my wife was the one for me and in meeting here there were many surprises in terms of life philosophy, temperament, personality, and intelligence. I had mentally written down a set of standards that ultimately she did not meet. However, while not meeting those standards, she was also able to exceed them and teach me things I had previously not understood.

The lesson is to not limit yourself in what might make you genuinely happy because to do so is to deny that you will change as a person as you grow and so will the people you have a relationship with.
 

Gardener

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...Who wears her white pumps after labor day

...Who runs with scissors

...Who splits her infinitives.

...
 

1069

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I could never marry someone who......

- Was religious
- Was conservative
- Wanted more children (existing children okay)
- Refused to accept my children
- Hated cats
- Drank excessively or used drugs (moderate pot-smoking okay)
- Was acquisitive, cared a lot about accumulating material things, was generally not okay with my lifestyle.
- I would be willing to compromise on cigarette-smoking and meat-eating, although i wouldn't be pleased with either one, and would work on changing them.

I don't want to go through issue by issue, nitpicking.
Suffice it to say, I would only ever be compatible with a liberal.
My liberalism is innate and gut-deep, and permeates every aspect of my life and every decision I make. My revulsion for conservative ideology is boundless.
My family is an important part of my life, and they would never accept a conservative either, which would isolate me from them.
 
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justabubba

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... believes one should not be in charge of their own body
... defines individuals with political labels
... is unwilling to evolve and tolerate current social mores
... imposes a religious litmus test
... is concerned about what i choose to read
... expects me to make decisions for her
... insists on co-mingling our incomes
... refuses to recognize that disciplining children appropriately depends on the actions of the child
... pretends she has never heard inappropriate language before
 

HBKDXfan

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- Was religious
- Was conservative
- Wanted more children (existing children okay)
- Refused to accept my children
- Hated cats
- Drank excessively or used drugs (moderate pot-smoking okay)
- Was acquisitive, cared a lot about accumulating material things, was generally not okay with my lifestyle.
- I would be willing to compromise on cigarette-smoking and meat-eating, although i wouldn't be pleased with either one, and would work on changing them.

I don't want to go through issue by issue, nitpicking.
Suffice it to say, I would only ever be compatible with a liberal.
My liberalism is innate and gut-deep, and permeates every aspect of my life and every decision I make. My revulsion for conservative ideology is boundless.
My family is an important part of my life, and they would never accept a conservative either, which would isolate me from them.

Not to be rude, but why is the religious part bad?
 

1069

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Not to be rude, but why is the religious part bad?

It's not "bad", per se. Just incompatible.
I can't respect anyone who doesn't self-govern, nor anyone who bows to tyranny.

To clarify, I think religion can be positive, a powerful force for good in the lives of those incapable of self-governance. If I were in prison, I would hope my cellmate was a born again fundy. :lol: I'd be safer.

But I would not like to be married to one of those people. It wouldn't work out.
 

HBKDXfan

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...was intolerant of anything
 

HBKDXfan

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it depends on the religion. There would always be those who are "bound" by religion, but would you say the same of one who led his/her life for his/her religion? And it can always work for other principles besides religion: money, political affiliation, etc. Religion is not oppressive by nature but I do respect your opinion as it is not bigoted like a few people that Ive met before
 

Thorgasm

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....who had kids she couldn't control.
....didn't like dogs.
....who couldn't keep a job.
....who didn't have a sense of humor.
 

TacticalEvilDan

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. . . isn't my wife -- but that won't stop me from dating. :D


TED,
Thinks it's a shame that the government doesn't offer poly relationships the same recognition as "traditional" marriage.
 

1069

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it depends on the religion. There would always be those who are "bound" by religion, but would you say the same of one who led his/her life for his/her religion? And it can always work for other principles besides religion: money, political affiliation, etc. Religion is not oppressive by nature but I do respect your opinion as it is not bigoted like a few people that Ive met before

Well, like I said, I wouldn't marry anyone for whom money- or the accumulation of material things- was a huge priority, either.
If it's about security, I understand, but no one who marries me will ever have to worry about that. My family has money, and they've got us covered. We'll always have enough money so that we'll be safe and have the basic necessities of life. That doesn't mean we shouldn't work hard, but we should work hard at pursuits that contribute in a meaningful way to the good of society, not work hard for the accumulation of material things. I want someone who works because he loves his job, and feels useful doing it. If that's not the case, I want him to quit and look for a different job, one which he does like and feel useful doing.
Like I said, anyone who wasn't okay with that philosophy would not be a good partner for me, and vice versa.
I'm almost 36 years old, and I'm pretty set in my ways. If I married again, it would be a third marriage for me. I'm not some young thing who could or would be willing to change much about myself and my life in order to please a man. Not being naive, I wouldn't expect a man to change much for me, either.
Therefore, I'd have to be pretty selective about who I married, if I ever married again.
It would have to be someone who was already a lot like me.
 
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HBKDXfan

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Completely understood =). So if you don't mind me asking, are you atheistic or agnostic? I am glad that your reasons are not based on pure speculative generalizations though.
 

1069

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Completely understood =). So if you don't mind me asking, are you atheistic or agnostic? I am glad that your reasons are not based on pure speculative generalizations though.

I'm non-religious.
So whatever that makes me.
I don't think there's any consensus on what those terms mean.
Atheist is considered militant and inflammatory these days, but "agnostic" generally implies that one concedes to the possibility of a deity, but simply isn't sure.
Neither of those terms precisely describe me.
I am not one of those people who thinks the world would be better off without religion.
I believe it's absolutely critical for some people, for various reasons- comfort, moral and ethical guidance. I'm glad religion is there for those who need it.
I do not need it, however, and don't want to associate closely with people who do.
 

Arcana XV

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I could never marry someone. Full stop.

Actually, let me amend that: I could never marry someone who expects a traditional marriage.

I think traditional marriage is redundant, suffocating and emotionally destructive.
 

1069

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I could never marry someone. Full stop.

Actually, let me amend that: I could never marry someone who expects a traditional marriage.

I think traditional marriage is redundant, suffocating and emotionally destructive.

Ooh. Expand?

What do you mean by "traditional marriage"? (if you mean all that gender-role malarkey, I agree with you).
 

Josie

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... believes one should not be in charge of their own body
... defines individuals with political labels
... is unwilling to evolve and tolerate current social mores
... imposes a religious litmus test
... is concerned about what i choose to read
... expects me to make decisions for her
... insists on co-mingling our incomes
... refuses to recognize that disciplining children appropriately depends on the actions of the child
... pretends she has never heard inappropriate language before

You're so cute.
 

HBKDXfan

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well I would like to say that religion (Christianity *cough cough*) is needed for everyone, not in any morally, self-appreciating, or security influenced way. Earthly security anyway. But the state of your life after death is something everyone should be sure of...
 

1069

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well I would like to say that religion (Christianity *cough cough*) is needed for everyone, not in any morally, self-appreciating, or security influenced way. Earthly security anyway. But the state of your life after death is something everyone should be sure of...

I am sure of it.
There is nothing after death, just as there was nothing before birth.
It is not important to me, however, that others believe this.
 

HBKDXfan

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yes Mellie. If a person judges someone, what mantle does the one who judges try to assume? Everyone is imperfect in some form or fashion and I don't believe any one on this Earth has the right to judge another.
 

HBKDXfan

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I have one final question, 1069 and I honestly believe that it is one of the most important questions anyone could ask themselves about their spiritual selves: What if you are wrong?
 

1069

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yes Mellie. If a person judges someone, what mantle does the one who judges try to assume? Everyone is imperfect in some form or fashion and I don't believe any one on this Earth has the right to judge another.

Yeah... except, like, actual professional judges. They kind of don't have a choice, and who would argue that they aren't necessary for the smooth running of society?
 

1069

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I have one final question, 1069 and I honestly believe that it is one of the most important questions anyone could ask themselves about their spiritual selves: What if you are wrong?

I'm not wrong.
 

HBKDXfan

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I don't mean professional judging. I am referring to personal, individual judging.
 
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