How Would You React.. (Wedding Guest Question)

[clownboy]

You're fine with the initial drink ticket idea. There's always that one who over-indulges, just have their family and friends escort them when the time comes, but it shouldn't be on your dime. It's all part of the experience. Can't tell you how many sister/brother in laws I've talked out of the bathroom or helped into a police car at family weddings. :mrgreen:

 

[RabidAlpaca]

Being a practicing Mormon, I don't drink alcohol, don't allow it in my home, and wouldn't provide it at any gathering over which I had charge. My wedding reception was held in a Mormon church building, and no alcohol was served there. I never saw any indication that the occasion was in any way diminished by the lack of alcohol. The absence of alcohol certainly did not make for a “crappy celebration”, nor do I see any reason why it would on any other similar occasion.

I just don't get the mindset of those who think that alcohol has any necessary part in a celebration, and I certainly would not cater to those who think that.

Tigger's intent is clear enough. He doesn't want people getting drunk at this event. His plan is to limit alcohol in the hope that those most prone to consuming too much will be prevented from doing so. I'm skeptical about whether his plan would work; I fear that those who are most inclined to drink too much will find a way to do so in spite of his planned method of preventing it. Better, short of not having any alcohol at all, would be some method by which everyone is allowed one or two drinks, and no more, period. No additional drinks for those willing to pay for them, and no use of “tickets” which excessive drinkers might be able to obtain extra ones from those who don't wish to use them for themselves.

Yeah it's his night and his decision. It won't be crappy, I exaggerated. In fact, my first wedding was dry, as the ceremony and afterparty took place within a 2 hour period. I was just trying to be helpful by saying out loud what many of the party guests will think.

 

[Tigger]

To each their own, but have you ever been part of a celebration where everyone (including yourself) was drinking? It's a good time.

If I have five drinks in a calendar YEAR it's been a heavy year. Some of these people will have that many in an hour if you let them. I have never had trouble having a good time without the alcohol and for the most part my family is the same way. There are just a couple knucleheads who we have to invite who force us to do this sort of thing.

Don't be surprised if the bartenders aren't as strict on that as you'd perhaps like them to be.

We still have to have another discussion with the venue. If they don't feel it can be controlled we'll just pay the $500 to open the bar and not have any alcohol served at all.

 

[Tigger]

man, just enjoy your day, and stop trying to control every aspect of it. i understand you wanting it to be perfect, but it comes off as a thing people will read and then just say "**** this." it's your wedding, not another convenient vehicle for you to passive aggressively express disgust about society.

i think the formal attire request is reasonable, but the rest is just kind of unnecessary nitpicking.

congrats, anyway. getting married is cool, and i hope that i get to do it someday myself.

It's not about my dislike of alcohol. If it was, we'd be having a dry wedding. We have a certain vision for the day and we don't want people to impact that vision if it can be reasonably avoided. The alcohol issue is something we both brought up and the kids issue was actually more hers than mine. If people choose not to come because of it.... GOOD. That means we won't have to worry about them causing trouble.

Thanks for the kind words and keep your eyes open; you never know when or where she might appear.

You're fine with the initial drink ticket idea. There's always that one who over-indulges, just have their family and friends escort them when the time comes, but it shouldn't be on your dime. It's all part of the experience. Can't tell you how many sister/brother in laws I've talked out of the bathroom or helped into a police car at family weddings. :mrgreen:

We are hoping to keep from having to do that. The mothers-of-the are intending to talk to the couple of real big potential culprits ahead of time, so hopefully it doesn't become an issue.

I was just trying to be helpful by saying out loud what many of the party guests will think.

Thank you for the input.

 

[Dapper Andy]

Yeah it's his night and his decision. It won't be crappy, I exaggerated. In fact, my first wedding was dry, as the ceremony and afterparty took place within a 2 hour period. I was just trying to be helpful by saying out loud what many of the party guests will think.

I don't think so.

A wedding reception has to be going pretty badly for people to complain about alcohol and drinking won't change that. The atmosphere, band, food, etc. is what will make the wedding and people won't even notice there is a bar when they're out on the dance floor having the time of their lives.

 

[afr0byte]

If I have five drinks in a calendar YEAR it's been a heavy year. Some of these people will have that many in an hour if you let them. I have never had trouble having a good time without the alcohol and for the most part my family is the same way. There are just a couple knucleheads who we have to invite who force us to do this sort of thing.

As I said, to each their own. Many people enjoy getting smashed once in a while (particularly at weddings). By all means though, do whatever makes you happy. My comment was more directed at finding out whether Bob had experienced a drunken party (and therefore whether he knows what he's missing (or not, as the case may be)).

 

[afr0byte]

I don't think so.

A wedding reception has to be going pretty badly for people to complain about alcohol and drinking won't change that. The atmosphere, band, food, etc. is what will make the wedding and people won't even notice there is a bar when they're out on the dance floor having the time of their lives.

You and I have been to very different weddings. The dancing didn't really get going until after the drinking had been going for a bit at the weddings I've been to (including my own).

 

[TheGirlNextDoor]

I say skip the wedding and go right to the honeymoon. Weddings are elaborate money pits.

 

[OscarB63]

I say skip the wedding and go right to the honeymoon. Weddings are elaborate money pits.

yeah...I just got done paying for one this spring. I spent $900 on alcohol at the class VI store on post. couldn't get people to drink enough at the wedding. I still have 10-12 cases of beer and 20+ bottles of wine in the cellar.

 

[TheGirlNextDoor]

yeah...I just got done paying for one this spring. I spent $900 on alcohol at the class VI store on post. couldn't get people to drink enough at the wedding. I still have 10-12 cases of beer and 20+ bottles of wine in the cellar.

Party at Oscars house!

Okay, Sorry. Back to regularly scheduled thread. :3oops:

 

[OscarB63]

Party at Oscars house!

Okay, Sorry. Back to regularly scheduled thread. :3oops:

I've got Corona and Blue Moon beer and some ghey-ass fruity wine my daughter picked.

 

[Bob Blaylock]

There are a couple other factors here, Bob....

1. Most of the big drinkers are currrently unemployed and since the bar only accepts cash, will not likely be able to afford more than an additional drink or two.
2. This is a noontime event on the day after the 4th of July. It will (likely) be hot. People are not likely to give away the drink tickets they need to get a lemonade, soda, or iced tea at the bar either.
3. The bartenders are to be told that as soon as someone appears to be outwardly affected to any degree by the alcohol, they are to be cut off.

Centering around your second point above, why don't you just freely give out as much non-alcoholic beverages (soda, lemonade, whatever) as the guest want or need? Nobody needs alcohol to avoid dehydration and other thirst/heat related issues; in fact, alcohol is likely to aggravate such issues rather than mitigate them. I think limiting guests' supply of non-alcoholic beverages in the hope of limiting the abuse of alcoholic beverages is going to prove counterproductive for that purpose, and is asking for other troubles as well. How will you feel when some of your guests end up needing medical attention as a result of heat- and dehydration-related issues?

 

[Bob Blaylock]

To each their own, but have you ever been part of a celebration where everyone (including yourself) was drinking? It's a good time.

Obviously not, since I myself do not drink, and never have; thus if you limit your question to occasions in which everyone (including myself) was drinking, then there wouldn't be any.

I do seem to have had amazingly little contact with drunks for as long as I have lived. I have been to a few gatherings where there were one or two people who became noticeably drunk. I have to say that their effect on the general mood of the gathering was definitely not positive. I just don't get how that amounts to “…a good time.”

 

[joko104]

Because of #3, I think everyone should stay away and leave her and you alone so you are not bothered on your special day.

Answer this: Why would anyone want to come to your wedding with such an attitude?

Since you appear to have such open contempt for her culture and family, I do not anticipate a happy home after marriage. She, ultimately, will likely side with her family against you in my opinion.

To answer your question, I would stay away because of the list, other than #1, is so narcisstic and offensive I really wouldn't want come to a wedding where I am only a stage prop to wear the costume you want. I generally do not speak for my wife, but she would find #3 so despicable she not only wouldn't come, she would want nothing to do with either of you again. But, then, she really likes children and would in general have a low opinion of any parent who left their children behind to attend the wedding of 2 people - or at least 1 - who openly intensely despises children.

You seem to think you're doing a favor allowing some people to come to your wedding. You got it entirely wrong. I think your bride might be shocked at how few people show up. "We hate children" is going to offend many people, whether they have children or not. And if you can't stand children, you have no business marrying someone who by your messages is greatly into Latino culture. IT IS ABOUT FAMILY. That means children.

I can give an exact analogy from this last weekend when a bride had a list of rules about attending her shower. The result? Basically no one when that we know who was invited. And now the couple is concerned how few are going to come to the wedding.

 

[joko104]

I don't think you have any obligation to buy 1 drink. If you are going to do a toast, just hand out little champaign plastic glasses for that and leave it at that. Giving out 1 ticket for a drink is like giving out a ticket for food and then having a monitor to make sure no one goes back.

 

[Captain Adverse]

As my fiance and I are moving along with our wedding planning for next year, we have come to three decisions that we have a feeling are going to be less than totally well recieved by some of the wedding guests.

#1. We will give everyone one (1) drink ticket for the bar and then it will be up to them to pay for anything else they want to drink during the reception, other than the non-alcoholic toast. We came to this decision because there are a handful of individuals on both sides who have a tendency to "enjoy" their alcohol a little too much but who will be unwilling or unable to pay for it themselves; thus largely removing the potential for them to create trouble during the reception.

#2. We are asking all attendees (other than small children) to be dressed in a semi-formal manner (jackets/ties/slacks for gentlemen and skirt/blouse or dress for women). While this may sound strange to some, as that is SOP when attending a wedding, there are parts of my fiance's family for whom this needs to be spelled out.

#3. With the exception of immediate family, we are requesting that couples with children leave the young ones at home for the day. Even with just immediate family there will be close to a score of children at a wedding where the entire attendance will barely break one hundred (100). Considering the unwillingness or inability of certain people to keep an eye on their kids, we just don't want them their.

This will all be spelled out very politely in the invitations when they go out next spring. We already know that there are certain people who will decline to attend due to these expectations. My question to you folks is this.....

It's Our/HER day, obviously; but would you be offended by any of those three expectations if they were to come in a wedding invitation you received?

I'd say the first two are no problem (I don't drink so Gipper or Rabid Alpaca could "buy" my ticket); but the third one causes too many problems.

I guarantee you that the people you are most concerned about will show up with their kids anyway. That either means immediate confrontations during the wedding, or later recriminations from people who obeyed the "request" and saw you let others get away with it. Besides, allowing any kids will result in problems because lets face it, kids get bored fast and then get fidgety.

I'd probably let people come with their kids, but set up a "day care" room for the youngest and give the oldest the opition of staying or going to the kids room. Then rotate a pair of adults (bridesmaid and groomsman or grandparents?) to watch the kids room in shifts. That way everyone is happy.

 

[afr0byte]

I do seem to have had amazingly little contact with drunks for as long as I have lived. I have been to a few gatherings where there were one or two people who became noticeably drunk. I have to say that their effect on the general mood of the gathering was definitely not positive. I just don't get how that amounts to “…a good time.”

Well, yeah, if most people aren't drinking (or are drinking sparingly) then yeah I could see how it'd negatively affect the mood. It's something you have to experience to really understand, in my opinion.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Because of #3, I think everyone should stay away and leave her and you alone so you are not bothered on your special day.

Answer this: Why would anyone want to come to your wedding with such an attitude?

Since you appear to have such open contempt for her culture and family, I do not anticipate a happy home after marriage. She, ultimately, will likely side with her family against you in my opinion.

To answer your question, I would stay away because of the list, other than #1, is so narcisstic and offensive I really wouldn't want come to a wedding where I am only a stage prop to wear the costume you want. I generally do not speak for my wife, but she would find #3 so despicable she not only wouldn't come, she would want nothing to do with either of you again. But, then, she really likes children and would in general have a low opinion of any parent who left their children behind to attend the wedding of 2 people - or at least 1 - who openly intensely despises children.

You seem to think you're doing a favor allowing some people to come to your wedding. You got it entirely wrong. I think your bride might be shocked at how few people show up. "We hate children" is going to offend many people, whether they have children or not. And if you can't stand children, you have no business marrying someone who by your messages is greatly into Latino culture. IT IS ABOUT FAMILY. That means children.

I can give an exact analogy from this last weekend when a bride had a list of rules about attending her shower. The result? Basically no one when that we know who was invited. And now the couple is concerned how few are going to come to the wedding.

Wow. The sheer narcissism of this. Children don't belong everywhere. For some people, that includes their wedding. Anyone who has ever listened to a child scream during vows and watched the parent do nothing should be able to understand... unless they were that parent, of course.

For some people, it's worth the potential issues and for others it isn't. There's nothing wrong with that. Plenty of people who like kids don't invite kids to their weddings. My aunt was a mother at the time of her second marriage, and didn't invite kids.

It's someone else's wedding. Why do you feel it's your right to make it about you? Is it really so absolutely terrible to get a babysitter for an afternoon?

 

[Bob Blaylock]

Well, yeah, if most people aren't drinking (or are drinking sparingly) then yeah I could see how it'd negatively affect the mood. It's something you have to experience to really understand, in my opinion.

I guess I've never been to any party where drinking and getting drunk was seen as a major purpose of that party. Of course I wouldn't attend such a party, as I have no interest myself in getting drunk, nor in hanging out with others who are drunk. What limited contact I have had with drunks has not been particularly enjoyable; perhaps the company of drunks is more enjoyable to one who is drunk.

In any event, getting drunk and acting in the manner that goes with drunkenness certainly doesn't seem like an appropriate element for a wedding celebration. I guess that's a major point of “bachelor parties” before the wedding, but for the wedding itself, and any celebration immediately afterward, a certain amount of dignity and class is called for, of a sort to which excessive use of alcohol can only be detrimental.

 

[davidtaylorjr]

As my fiance and I are moving along with our wedding planning for next year, we have come to three decisions that we have a feeling are going to be less than totally well recieved by some of the wedding guests.

#1. We will give everyone one (1) drink ticket for the bar and then it will be up to them to pay for anything else they want to drink during the reception, other than the non-alcoholic toast. We came to this decision because there are a handful of individuals on both sides who have a tendency to "enjoy" their alcohol a little too much but who will be unwilling or unable to pay for it themselves; thus largely removing the potential for them to create trouble during the reception.

#2. We are asking all attendees (other than small children) to be dressed in a semi-formal manner (jackets/ties/slacks for gentlemen and skirt/blouse or dress for women). While this may sound strange to some, as that is SOP when attending a wedding, there are parts of my fiance's family for whom this needs to be spelled out.

#3. With the exception of immediate family, we are requesting that couples with children leave the young ones at home for the day. Even with just immediate family there will be close to a score of children at a wedding where the entire attendance will barely break one hundred (100). Considering the unwillingness or inability of certain people to keep an eye on their kids, we just don't want them their.

This will all be spelled out very politely in the invitations when they go out next spring. We already know that there are certain people who will decline to attend due to these expectations. My question to you folks is this.....

It's Our/HER day, obviously; but would you be offended by any of those three expectations if they were to come in a wedding invitation you received?

Ties and jackets for guys seem a bit extreme, I would say nice pants (khakis etc) and a collared shirt whether it be a polo or dressier. If I was invited (I know I'm not ) I would have to buy clothes just to attend you wedding.

 

[Bob Blaylock]

I guarantee you that the people you are most concerned about will show up with their kids anyway. That either means immediate confrontations during the wedding, or later recriminations from people who obeyed the "request" and saw you let others get away with it. Besides, allowing any kids will result in problems because lets face it, kids get bored fast and then get fidgety.

I'd probably let people come with their kids, but set up a "day care" room for the youngest and give the oldest the opition of staying or going to the kids room. Then rotate a pair of adults (bridesmaid and groomsman or grandparents?) to watch the kids room in shifts. That way everyone is happy.

This seems like an excellent idea to me.

I do see considerable potential for problems and ill feelings if any kids are allowed at the event, while most others are not. Those whose children are excluded are certainly going to consider it unfair for their kids to be excluded while others were include.

I like children, but I can understand the disruption that can be caused by young children, and I can understand the increased potential for such problems when the attempt is made to get kids to be quite and respectful for an event that exceeds their attention spans. Having a separate area for children, where they are allowed to play and be children, without disrupting what the adults are doing, seems like the best idea. Perhaps Tigger could rent one of those big inflatable plastic “jump houses” and/or some other type equipment to keep the children entertained and occupied while the grown-ups do their thing. Hire a few day-care-type workers to watch after the children, so none of family is taken away from the wedding festivities for this purpose.

 

[afr0byte]

I guess I've never been to any party where drinking and getting drunk was seen as a major purpose of that party. Of course I wouldn't attend such a party, as I have no interest myself in getting drunk, nor in hanging out with others who are drunk. What limited contact I have had with drunks has not been particularly enjoyable; perhaps the company of drunks is more enjoyable to one who is drunk.

Indeed, I only enjoy being at a party with lots of drinking if I'm also drinking.

In any event, getting drunk and acting in the manner that goes with drunkenness certainly doesn't seem like an appropriate element for a wedding celebration. I guess that's a major point of “bachelor parties” before the wedding, but for the wedding itself, and any celebration immediately afterward, a certain amount of dignity and class is called for, of a sort to which excessive use of alcohol can only be detrimental.

In my mind the ceremony and the initial toasts/etc are where dignity is the priority. Then the party starts. Certainly it doesn't have to include alcohol, but alcohol sure can be fun.

 

[MaggieD]

As my fiance and I are moving along with our wedding planning for next year, we have come to three decisions that we have a feeling are going to be less than totally well recieved by some of the wedding guests.

#1. We will give everyone one (1) drink ticket for the bar and then it will be up to them to pay for anything else they want to drink during the reception, other than the non-alcoholic toast. We came to this decision because there are a handful of individuals on both sides who have a tendency to "enjoy" their alcohol a little too much but who will be unwilling or unable to pay for it themselves; thus largely removing the potential for them to create trouble during the reception.

#2. We are asking all attendees (other than small children) to be dressed in a semi-formal manner (jackets/ties/slacks for gentlemen and skirt/blouse or dress for women). While this may sound strange to some, as that is SOP when attending a wedding, there are parts of my fiance's family for whom this needs to be spelled out.

#3. With the exception of immediate family, we are requesting that couples with children leave the young ones at home for the day. Even with just immediate family there will be close to a score of children at a wedding where the entire attendance will barely break one hundred (100). Considering the unwillingness or inability of certain people to keep an eye on their kids, we just don't want them their.

This will all be spelled out very politely in the invitations when they go out next spring. We already know that there are certain people who will decline to attend due to these expectations. My question to you folks is this.....

It's Our/HER day, obviously; but would you be offended by any of those three expectations if they were to come in a wedding invitation you received?

In short, no, I would not be offfended by anything you've mentioned.

However I offer the following for your consideration:

I wouldn't give out a drink ticket. Don't say anything about it in the invitation and make it a cash bar. Period.

Children are always a problem. I'm not sure I'd say a word on the invitations. If the invite came back with 3 when you've addressed it to husband/wife, I'd have the bridesmaid call them and let them know that there are no accommodations for children. I think you're assuming everyone will bring their kids; certainly here in Chicago that would hardly happen...unless they were teenagers.

 

[ttwtt78640]

#2 and #3 are reasonable, #1 will make for a crappy celebration, to be honest. I know you're not into alcohol, but your guests are. Perhaps try to find a way to cut the drinking costs like offer lower cost, or economy alcohols.

BYOB is always an option.

 

[afr0byte]

Wow. The sheer narcissism of this. Children don't belong everywhere. For some people, that includes their wedding. Anyone who has ever listened to a child scream during vows and watched the parent do nothing should be able to understand... unless they were that parent, of course.

For some people, it's worth the potential issues and for others it isn't. There's nothing wrong with that. Plenty of people who like kids don't invite kids to their weddings. My aunt was a mother at the time of her second marriage, and didn't invite kids.

It's someone else's wedding. Why do you feel it's your right to make it about you? Is it really so absolutely terrible to get a babysitter for an afternoon?

I agree. We didn't allow kids at our wedding. It was great. If that offends someone then they have problems, IMO.