I'm coming to the good people of DP for help with a relationship because you guys are the bomb.
I recently broke up with a girl because I felt that we didn't have enough in common to sustain a lasting relationship. We had great chemistry, but there were some differences in values and interests that I didn't think we would overcome (I since have doubts that they were good reasons to break up with her but that's a different story).
The way that we broke up really sucked, and I feel like an absolute monster even though a lot of it were to due to the surrounding circumstance. She was visiting me in Arizona for a week (we live in different cities, but between both my current work client and parents also being close to where she lived, we managed to see each other every week or two). On the last day of her trip, about an hour before her flight how, some of the things I had been feeling in my relationship arose and we ended up driving to the airport with her in tears. Thankfully, instead of her getting on the 5 hour flight home, we were able to delay it until a later one, and talk through some of the things that came up. However, when she did leave she made it clear that she didn't understand why I wanted to break up with her, and felt that the issues that we had were something we could work through. The last thing she said to me before she left was that she was in shock that it was even happening. We are now on opposite sides of the country, and I think she deserves to know why I felt the way I feel.
There was no big trigger or event that caused the breakup to happened. I harbor no ill feeling toward her, and aside from the manner in which the breakup happened, I don't think she feels ill will to me. I just know she will want some closure as to why we broke up. I am writing her a letter to explain my feelings (which, to be honest, I'm still confused about myself) but have no idea how long I should wait before reaching out to her. The letter isn't trying to win her back, but just an attempt to explain things from my side a little more, so she can hopefully come to terms with the reasons I don't think our relationship work out. I still care about her so much, and I know she loves me, I'm just unsure if a relationship is the right thing for both of us or destined to fail. I've read a few things online and they say to wait 30 days to reach out again, or to just not reach out at all, but these all seem to come from the perspective of the person that was dumped, rather than the person that did the dumping (man I hate that word).
I suspect (and I'm a little afraid) that the answer to this question is 'it depends on the relationship' or maybe 'depends on the person'. Truth is, I'm an impulsive person, and our relationship moved very quickly. If that's the case, then I can see myself sending my letter in the next day or two (the breakup only happened on Sunday). 30 days seems absolutely ginormous, and I think I would feel incredibly guilty for not reaching out to her sooner. But at the same time, I feel like as much as I want to send it to her as soon as I can, there is such a thing as too soon. Maybe there isn't a real answer, but
I want to put myself in her shoes, but these situations are impossible when you're in them yourself, and it's much easier to know what to do when you're not emotionally invested. So I ask you this, if someone you loved broke up with you, and the breakup felt rushed, and you don't think there was time to really communicate properly with each other (and to be honest most of it was a tear-filled mess) would you want them to reach out to you sooner, and try to clarify things, or later, and give you the time and space you need to get over them?
Finally, I know this isn't a tavern, but if someone could slide a drink down this way it would be much appreciated. Any and all advice is welcome. Thanks all.