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How Involved Do You Get in Your Friend's Relationships?

rhinefire

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I have always made it a rule to stay out of other peoples relationships but I'm not convinced that is the norm. I even had a dear friend's fiance suggest an affair with me which I immedately told her no way and I never told him even though he was engaged to her and their marriage eventually was a six month long flop. My brother fooled around once or twice on his wife and I never said a word to her but today she somehow knows about it (he is deceased).
So, is a "little" fooling around OK before you would get invlolved or would you simply turn a blind eye now matter how bad things got?
 

MaggieD

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I have always made it a rule to stay out of other peoples relationships but I'm not convinced that is the norm. I even had a dear friend's fiance suggest an affair with me which I immedately told her no way and I never told him even though he was engaged to her and their marriage eventually was a six month long flop. My brother fooled around once or twice on his wife and I never said a word to her but today she somehow knows about it (he is deceased).
So, is a "little" fooling around OK before you would get invlolved or would you simply turn a blind eye now matter how bad things got?

If it could ever be known by my friend that I knew her spouse/significant other was cheating, I would have to tell her. If she would have no way of knowing? I wouldn't get involved.

For instance: If I were out and about and saw a friend's husband making out with someone, and he didn't see ME? I wouldn't tell his spouse.

I learned long ago that it's best to let other people deliver bad news. I have nothing to gain and everything to lose by becoming involved in that kind of drama . . . most especially my friendship with the person involved.
 

lizzie

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I don't get involved in my friends' relationships. If I see something which concerns me, I may state my observations, but it's not in a condemning fashion- just pointing out what I see. I figure that if there was nothing there that the two of them didn't need at some level, they wouldn't be a pair.
 

SmokeAndMirrors

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I have always made it a rule to stay out of other peoples relationships but I'm not convinced that is the norm. I even had a dear friend's fiance suggest an affair with me which I immedately told her no way and I never told him even though he was engaged to her and their marriage eventually was a six month long flop. My brother fooled around once or twice on his wife and I never said a word to her but today she somehow knows about it (he is deceased).
So, is a "little" fooling around OK before you would get invlolved or would you simply turn a blind eye now matter how bad things got?

I would tell a friend if their partner tried to fool around with me. That isn't schoolyard gossip. This is their partner lying to them, directly involving me.

The one time when I made exception to that was when it involved a friend who was so mentally unstable that I suspected he'd blame me, or I'd get dragged into some kind of screaming match. But that was a few years ago. I don't have friends like that anymore.

All those who remain are the kind of people who I suspect would hear me out, and take it to the privacy of their partner.
 

Fisher

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Well, let me put it this way, if you want to get rid of your friend for good, telling them the truth is the very best way to do that :mrgreen:

As a lawyer, I know lots of things I cannot discuss. If people tell me something, I just assume they want it to be confidential whether it is or not. I have also seen enough that I can usually figure out what is going on pretty quick without being told any proof. What I have learned is to stop saying "Yeah I already knew that" when my wife drops some juicy gossip about friends/acquaintances/relatives on me because she then gets mad at me that I did not tell her. I have learned to just play clueless and then mimic whatever reaction she is having. Truth be told, nothing shocks me when it comes to human behavior any more.
 

Gipper

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I wouldn't tell a buddy that his girl is screwin' around on him unless I can take a punch.

It's ultimately a lose-lose. If you don't tell him and he finds out the truth another way, he'll blame you. If you tell him when it happens, he'll blame you. Most guys aren't rational when it comes to relationships and sex.

For instance, I think most idiots - if they walk in on their girl bangin' another dude - will go after the other guy. Don't. He's not the one cheating on you. She is. Go slug her instead.
 

joko104

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Depends what it is and whether it is certain truth. A true "friend" looks out for a friend. However, the friend should only do so if it seems to put your friend at a risk and should only tell the facts, not tell your friend what to do about it.
 

joko104

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A woman we only know on a remote acquaintance level learned that her husband had been having an affair with a widow 2 doors down for years - and learned that all her friends had known about it. She was absolutely outraged not one of her friends had told her and in retrospect then felt like they all were laughing at her and feeling pity for her behind her back. The couple is now going thru divorce and feels like the last 5 years of her life were wasted and a lie - all that would not have happened if even just one of her friends had told her. Plus she feels like a total fool for acting like the other woman was her friend too. She is more devastated by no one telling her - but all knowing - than even the affair and divorce. If a friend won't warn you of known dangers, what good is a friend?
 

Helix

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i stay out of it. if they want to screw up their relationships, that's on them. if they ask my advice or want to talk about a problem, i'm willing to listen and offer advice when i can. otherwise, no way.
 
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