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High IQ and Sexual Exclusivity

MrWonka

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Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).

Now I'm really not trying to make this thread about me the individual, but rather about guys like me in general. I also don't want to sound like I'm bragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.

I'm 6'2", 220. I was a three sport athlete in High School and played a little College Baseball. I have a B.S. and a very good job. I have a nice apartment to myself in the nicest part of town about 15 minutes from the beach. I have a Dog, a nice car, I cook, I consider myself a feminist, I have a lot of interesting friends that can testify to the fact that I'm anything, but boring and I have an excellent sense of humor, and I'm not looking for a simple hookup. I'm at an age were I'm about ready to settle down more and have kids.

Now again, I'm really really not trying to brag. I hate shameless self promotion, but I feel like based on this information alone there are a lot of single women in their late twenties early thirties who would love to find a guy like me. Don't get me wrong I have my faults as well. I'm not exactly Ryan Gosling or anything. My biggest deficiency is that I probably should have gotten braces when I was a kid.

Yet it seems like all I ever hear from women is horror stories about guys they met on Tinder and other dating sites. They act like every guy on there is some kind of creep looking for a hookup. My personal experience however is that of the hundreds of women I've swiped right on in the last few months only 6 have matched, and zero have replied when I messaged them. Now, I'm sure most people reading this will immediately jump to the conclusion that it's some how all my fault. Maybe I have bad profile pics, maybe my messages are less than amazing, maybe I have too high of standards. There's probably a degree of truth to that, but in my opinion it doesn't seem like I should have to change all that much, and this is the point I'm really getting at.

I feel like guys like me take a unique approach to dating. It's not designed to attract a lot of women, it's designed to attract one really good one. Normally people assume that women do the judging, and it's the mans job to jump through hoops to try and convince her that he's worth it. I think this happens because women are generally the more sexually exclusive sex and men are generally viewed as wanting to **** anything moves. But for highly intelligent guys who are more sexually exclusive I feel like we do a lot of judging on our own, but most women aren't expecting it and aren't ready for it. I for one actually kind of like a woman who has the confidence to approach me. It's not that I'm afraid to make the first move or anything I have in the past with decent success, it's that I want to react to her, not her to me. It helps me determine what kind person she is, how much confidence she has, and what her level of interest is.

Of course that rarely happens but needless to say my approach to dating is a little more passive. Where most guys try and put their best foot forward right away only to disappoint down the road I try and just be myself at the outset under the assumption that this is the guy I'm going to be long term so you better like me not some fake version of me. It's based on the idea that if the right girl really wants a guy like me she'll find me and I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to get her attention. If she doesn't like the fact that I'm holding a beer in my profile picture for example, that's her problem not mine. To me rejecting a guy based on that criteria says more about the low quality of the woman than it does about the man. I don't want to be with a woman who's excessively picky about minor little details any more than a woman would want to be with a man who's going to judge her for having a couple extra pounds in her bikini picture.

This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.
 
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men..

As what does, or does not constitute high intelligence has gotten increasingly nebulous and the concept of IQ scores in general being seen as increasingly irrelevent, I would be very suspiscious of this "study". In fact, it sounds like it was created with a pre-determined conclusion in mind.
 
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).

Now I'm really not trying to make this thread about me the individual, but rather about guys like me in general. I also don't want to sound like I'm bragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.

Good luck with that. And I hope you've been to the dentist lately and you're not diabetic - you'll see why below.

When you say "exclusivity", is that referring to the overall number of women...or the specific type(s) of women you hope to attract? I suspect it's the latter, for in my experience, guys with high IQ's are every bit as horny as any other guy...and it's been shown in an honest-to-goodness study that guys score higher on IQ tests when they are NOT around attractive women...and lower when they are next to an attractive woman...and this is all without regard to the IQ or education of the woman.

As far as IQ itself goes, I have found it counterproductive to discuss mine in the past - the only ones who know it are my wife and my youngest son (and that was not intentional). I feel it's better for others to form their own opinion about my level of intelligence (or lack thereof).

As far as finding a mate goes, my wife and I just had the 24th anniversary of our first date - our actual anniversary comes in October. I consider myself pretty doggone well-read...and my wife has read one - count 'em, one - fiction book in her life (a small one, but a very good one). And she's used quite a few textbooks in her life, but other than that...close to none. And I honestly think she's smarter than I am. That's the thing about IQ tests - they're normally designed for those fluent in a certain language, and used to a certain culture and the normal references thereof. She taught me how very much I do not know...and it's turned out that we have a great balance - she knows what I don't and does what I can't, while I know what she doesn't and I do what she can't. We've had a few arguments, but after all this time, we've never argued once about money! On the merry-go-round of life and relationships, I really did grab the brass ring - I am IMO the luckiest guy who ever lived.

Anyway, after all this time, we're still the sweetest couple we know - others think we're just abnormal for walking hand-in-hand everywhere, kissing each other romantically at random times and places several times a day, even dancing in the aisles at the supermarket. We tell each other several times every day how much we love each other - in public, in private, in the night. It's true love. It really is true love. Don't ever let anyone tell you there's no such thing, 'cause I've got it. Yeah, I know how incredibly sappy-sweet that sounds...but there it is.

There's lots of great tips, but here's the single best tip I can give you for a happy marriage, a duty for you, and a duty for her. You must never, ever stop courting her, especially after you two are married - the worst mistake a guy makes is thinking "now I'm married, I don't have to try so hard." SHE must never allow you to stop courting her, because one of the worst mistakes a woman can make is, "I know he doesn't pay as much attention to me now, but he married me, so he must love me, so I must wait for him to give me the attention I need." Always court her...and tell her ahead of time to never let you stop courting her - she'll love you for that!
 
Normally people assume that women do the judging, and it's the mans job to jump through hoops to try and convince her that he's worth it. I think this happens because women are generally the more sexually exclusive sex and men are generally viewed as wanting to **** anything moves.
A lot of straight men are pigs. No cute way of dressing that up. When women are on apps like Tinder they get constantly assaulted with rude AF messages.

This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.
I'd doubt it. :/ Even though not many people realize this about their own behavior, but we're very much programmed to only care about objects and things that are immediate and will directly benefit us. And why not? There's hundreds of thousands of people in your geographical vicinity - around 6 billion on the planet. If anyone took the time and energy to chase after or even barely acknowledge every single person that they came across in life, they'd have literally no time to do anything else.

Instead what I think you should mull upon is the idea that job hunting and dating are very, very similar.


Most people aren't offered well-paying jobs out of the blue. Instead they have to create the most convincing, short one-page summary of their life; and then practically beat employers over the head with it. That's contrasted to people who are highly sought after because they either have connections or have resumes that are jaw-dropping. Or put another way, employers are only motivated to recruit people they feel will immediately and directly benefit them. Even more when those people are explicit in their intentions: "I am looking for a skilled role to apply my expertise, which is {insert awesome benefits here}."

By the by I met my current boyfriend (gay) of 1-year on Tinder. I messaged him. I can't remember what I open with, but it wasn't special. It literally was "Hi NAME! My name's NAME. Nice to meet you. :) I saw on your profile ... "

Edit: Also, lose the beer picture. Next put up a very attractive picture of you doing something active. Even if you're a total couch slob.
 
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There is also a small percentage of men who are incel, and thus have low to none sex drive just because of their circumstances.
 
Good luck with that. And I hope you've been to the dentist lately and you're not diabetic - you'll see why below.

When you say "exclusivity", is that referring to the overall number of women...or the specific type(s) of women you hope to attract?
I'm saying that I would prefer monogamy and long term relations rather than simply trying to sleep with every woman in sight. I prefer quality to quantity. I would prefer one really good match to many less than great matches.

As far as IQ itself goes, I have found it counterproductive to discuss mine in the past - the only ones who know it are my wife and my youngest son (and that was not intentional). I feel it's better for others to form their own opinion about my level of intelligence (or lack thereof).
Sure, it's not like I'm posting my IQ on Tinder or bringing it up on dates. But I feel confident that the more people get to know me the more the recognize that I know that I have my **** together. However the problem is that I don't always make a great first impression with people. I feel like I'm very good at picking out good people and seeing through bull****, so I'm looking for a woman who can do the same.
 
A lot of straight men are pigs. No cute way of dressing that up. When women are on apps like Tinder they get constantly assaulted with rude AF messages.
I don't doubt it, but it from my experience it seems to me that the reason so many women end up with such bad experiences on Tinder is because they aren't doing a very good job choosing which men to talk to. A decent looking women likely matches with so many men that she restricts herself to what is in her mind the best of the best, but the reality is that those guys likely have hundreds of other women matching with them, and as a result they have no motivation to devote any real time to any one of them. I'm willing to bet that about 70% of the guys on Tinder are actually fairly decent guys looking for something long term, the problem is that most women are looking over all those guys.

Instead what I think you should mull upon is the idea that job hunting and dating are very, very similar.

Most people aren't offered well-paying jobs out of the blue. Instead they have to create the most convincing, short one-page summary of their life; and then practically beat employers over the head with it.
Yeah, see that's the thing though......"Most People." I get recruiters hitting me up on Linkedin almost every single day. I haven't put radically more effort into my linkedin profile than I have into my Tinder account, but because people with my qualifications are in high demand they seek me out. It seems like there are so many women I hear from on a regular bases are complaining about how there are no decent men left, so you'd think a guy like myself would be in relatively high demand with women as well.
 
There is also a small percentage of men who are incel, and thus have low to none sex drive just because of their circumstances.

I don't think that's really the case with me. I would say that I'm relatively used to not getting laid a ton, so maybe it doesn't bother me that I don't too much, but I would still describe my sex drive as reasonably high.
 
Meh. I'm high IQ and very liberal... and I have a tendency toward both open relationships and promiscuity. Maybe it's because I'm religious.
 
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).
....
This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.

So you provided no reference or link to support your claims that 'studies show..' ... you then go on to say how you don't want to brag but then pretty much spend all your time talking about yourself and even include your height and weight and how smart you are and then talk about your difficulties hooking up with women and your incredulousness regarding how it not ought to work out that way.
I would like to empathize and all but this all just comes across as very shallow.
 
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).

Now I'm really not trying to make this thread about me the individual, but rather about guys like me in general. I also don't want to sound like I'm bragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.

......

Do you want an honest opinion?

No?

Too bad, I'm writing anyway...

You don't sound like you have a high IQ - your view sounds a bit conceited and lazy. Not at all charming qualities. You seem to enjoy being single, though - waiting for Mrs. Right to knock on your door. . . well at least that's a positive, you're content (or not).
 
This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.

I know what you're missing.
Can you make em laugh? I don't mean like knock knock jokes.
I mean, can you make them really laugh, to the point where they are disarmed and their guard is down?
I read your entire diatribe with my darling wifey sitting next to me.
She was four lines into it and making that "face" girls make...the "ewww" face.
Opened the spoiler and the face got worse!

"What? He sounds like he's a good looking guy with excellent physical attributes and stability."

"Sorry, he's self absorbed and...."

"And what?"

"Do you see me smiling? Am I laughing?"

See? I am not some guru telling you anything, this came straight from the Chicago version of Mona Lisa Vito herself, my wife.
You didn't make her laugh, you didn't make her curious, you didn't intrigue her and she hasn't even asked what you look like yet.
And trust me, I am no prize so clearly SHE isn't THAT hung up on looks to begin with!

And.....I'm out ;)
 
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).

Now I'm really not trying to make this thread about me the individual, but rather about guys like me in general. I also don't want to sound like I'm bragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.

I wanted to be snarky but in truth I think that women tend to be not worth a damn till they get to 35, maybe 38. I found my soul mate/sex toy at 22, I had no intention of waiting that long, but I can respect the willingness to engage in delay gratification in order to get the right woman.
 
It's doubtful that intelligence is a positive indicator of people's proclivities. Within my lifetime I've met who I would consider to be geniuses who range from monogamous to full on hedonists.

If anything, intelligence indicates how good you are at your proclivities. heh
 
I'm tall and smart and don't **** random women either, you're not as special as you think you are.
 
So you provided no reference or link to support your claims that 'studies show..'
I'm not really interested in debating the merits of the study itself that much. If you're really interested you can read about it here.
Liberalism, atheism, male sexual exclusivity linked to IQ - CNN.com

... you then go on to say how you don't want to brag but then pretty much spend all your time talking about yourself and even include your height and weight and how smart you are
Well that's kind of the point though. See I generally hate talking about that stuff, and I wouldn't if I was on an actual date, but I think that's kind of the problem. Guys like myself don't really like to show off that much even though we can. It's kind of like how women hate guys who post shirtless selfies on dating sites. Or how when you see some guy driving around in a ridiculously flash sports care squealing his tires, or some unnecessarily jacked up truck you generally think he's making up for a tiny dick. Or conversely with women there is a tendency to think that women who show to much skin and dress to provocatively are doing it for attention because they themselves are insecure.

I try to make sure I'm not guilty of a lot of the stupid bull**** men do to attract attention to themselves. I tend to trust that a good woman will see through all that bull****. Unfortunately it doesn't really seem that way.
 
I'm tall and smart and don't **** random women either, you're not as special as you think you are.

Again I wasn't suggesting that I was. My intent here is to determine if an approach like mine is common and if it's something women think about.
 
It's doubtful that intelligence is a positive indicator of people's proclivities. Within my lifetime I've met who I would consider to be geniuses who range from monogamous to full on hedonists.

Individual experiences do not contradict an overall trend.
 
I know what you're missing.
Can you make em laugh? I don't mean like knock knock jokes.
I mean, can you make them really laugh, to the point where they are disarmed and their guard is down?
Yes, usually when I can get a woman out with me and I like her this is not a problem. However it's the first impression that is the issue. In general I try not to be too funny or too charismatic all the time because I don't want to pull a lot of women in. To me this would be like a woman who was always dressing scandalous and being flirty with every guy she met. Yes, I would get more attention, but I wouldn't want most of it.


You didn't make her laugh, you didn't make her curious, you didn't intrigue her and she hasn't even asked what you look like yet.
And trust me, I am no prize so clearly SHE isn't THAT hung up on looks to begin with!

Again, this is not a dating profile here. I'm not really trying to impress women, and I would hope that a woman wouldn't want to date me for those reasons alone. Just like a woman wouldn't want a guy to date her just because she look hot in a bikini alone. I'm looking for a deeper connection because I prefer something that will work long term, as a result I specifically do NOT emphasize any of these things that I know a lot of women fall for early on because I want a woman to like me for less shallow reasons.

I feel like most guys expect women to play a little coy and pretend to be a bit more conservative at the outset so they don't let it deter them, but I'm not sure women really expect this from men. That's really the point. I feel like my approach to dating is more like a typical woman's is than it is like the average man's.
 
Again I wasn't suggesting that I was. My intent here is to determine if an approach like mine is common and if it's something women think about.

No it's not. Your intent is to show the internet how special and amazing you are without outright saying you're special and amazing. It's the sort of thing teenage girls do.
 
Yes, usually when I can get a woman out with me and I like her this is not a problem. However it's the first impression that is the issue. In general I try not to be too funny or too charismatic all the time because I don't want to pull a lot of women in. To me this would be like a woman who was always dressing scandalous and being flirty with every guy she met. Yes, I would get more attention, but I wouldn't want most of it.




Again, this is not a dating profile here. I'm not really trying to impress women, and I would hope that a woman wouldn't want to date me for those reasons alone. Just like a woman wouldn't want a guy to date her just because she look hot in a bikini alone. I'm looking for a deeper connection because I prefer something that will work long term, as a result I specifically do NOT emphasize any of these things that I know a lot of women fall for early on because I want a woman to like me for less shallow reasons.

I feel like most guys expect women to play a little coy and pretend to be a bit more conservative at the outset so they don't let it deter them, but I'm not sure women really expect this from men. That's really the point. I feel like my approach to dating is more like a typical woman's is than it is like the average man's.

Maybe, maybe not.
To be honest, every one of my worthwhile relationships happened when I was NOT looking at all.
BLAMMO, all of a sudden, out of nowhere.

Sorta like THIS:

 
No it's not. Your intent is to show the internet how special and amazing you are without outright saying you're special and amazing. It's the sort of thing teenage girls do.

I see, and what exactly would be the purpose of that on an anonymous forum? Clearly I expected most people to react to this thread in a negative way which is why I tried to explain my intentions were not to make this about me, and were not to brag.

How exactly do you think one would go about having a conversation like this without sounding vain exactly?
 
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How exactly do you think one would go about having a conversation like this without sounding vain exactly?

Perhaps back up your assertion with other data besides your unverifiable anectdotal claim that you have a very high IQ score and that those with this characteristic are tend to be sexually exclusive?

You don't sound like you have a high IQ -
As a side note, many researchers are now saying that having a high, or very high IQ score is not always synonymous with having a high level of applied intelligence.
 
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Perhaps back up your assertion with other data besides your unverifiable anectdotal claim that you have a very high IQ score and that those with this characteristic are tend to be sexually exclusive?

Such as? Do you know a lot of dummies with bachelors in Computer Science? Is there a particular IQ test you would like me to take? If I told you something like my ACT score would you even believe it?

I posted a link to the study which corroborated this notion. I'm not particularly interested in debating that study frankly. I'm willing to bet most of the people I'm interested in having this discussion with agree it has merit.
 
Such as? Do you know a lot of dummies with bachelors in Computer Science?
No, I have not met any people with below average IQ scores with Computer Science degrees.

Of course, possessing such a degree does not mean that one has a "very high" IQ score. My guess is that the IQ scores of people with such degrees range from average to extremely high. From what I have seen (very limited) of any bell curve depicting IQ data, I would say that most people with computer science degrees do not have "very high" IQ scores.
If I told you something like my ACT score would you even believe it?
I would neither affirm, nor reject such a posting.
I'm willing to bet most of the people I'm interested in having this discussion with agree it has merit.
I think it has merit. And yes, I think you are correct.

Though they are not synonyms, high IQ scores probably do tend to coorespond to high degrees of applied intelligence. People with high degrees of applied intelligence, whether they are atheists, theist, liberal or conservative tend to dislike "drama" as they find it distracting. Sexual promiscuity tends to increase the amount of drama in one's life. Thus, people with high IQ scores probably do tend to be more sexually exclusive.
 
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