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The point here is that there is likely nothing I could say that would allow you to admit that I might actually have a very high IQ or that I actually am very intelligent. People who disagree with certain views are unlikely to admit that said views might point to high intelligence. Admitting such a thing would give credence to the notion that maybe your beliefs aren't as intelligent as you think they are. The result is that in a discussion such as this I have little to no choice, but to assume that many people will take offense to my suggestion, and just hope there are enough that will not to have a reasonable discussion with those few people.
A link to the study was posted, it was initially left out for brevity and do to the fact that it was largely irrelevant for the purposes of this thread.
The point here is that there is likely nothing I could say that would allow you to admit that I might actually have a very high IQ or that I actually am very intelligent. People who disagree with certain views are unlikely to admit that said views might point to high intelligence. Admitting such a thing would give credence to the notion that maybe your beliefs aren't as intelligent as you think they are. The result is that in a discussion such as this I have little to no choice, but to assume that many people will take offense to my suggestion, and just hope there are enough that will not to have a reasonable discussion with those few people.
I am fully ready to admit that you could have a very high IQ. Likewise, though having a very high IQ score and having a high level of applied intelligence are not always synonymns, you could also have a high level of applied intelligence. I am just not affirming that either one is acutually the case.
I see, and what exactly would be the purpose of that on an anonymous forum? Clearly I expected most people to react to this thread in a negative way which is why I tried to explain my intentions were not to make this about me, and were not to brag.
How exactly do you think one would go about having a conversation like this without sounding vain exactly?
The way to do it would have been to post the study and not mention yourself. As you pointed out, individual experience is meaningless when discussing a trend, and so the many paragraphs all about you contribute nothing to the thread topic.
As you pointed out, individual experience is meaningless when discussing a trend, and so the many paragraphs all about you contribute nothing to the thread topic.
Yes they do, because they help verify that I am someone who is coming from a position of experience on the subject. I wrapped it in a spoiler because I knew you didn't necessarily need that information to partake in the discussion, but I anticipated a bunch of attacks on my credibility so it made sense to cover that in the OP rather than a random post. If you didn't want to read about that you didn't have to and I did everything I could reasonably have done to make sure you understood that.
It's doubtful that intelligence is a positive indicator of people's proclivities. Within my lifetime I've met who I would consider to be geniuses who range from monogamous to full on hedonists.
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).
...
I've always had long term relationships. GF from 16 until 21. Single, for the most part, while in college. Married at 27, divorced by 31. Married again at 34, divorced before turning 40. Married now at 53, same partner for almost 13 years. I'm almost never without a long term partner. Rare though is one who lasts more than 5 years.
I know what you're missing.
Can you make em laugh? I don't mean like knock knock jokes.
I mean, can you make them really laugh, to the point where they are disarmed and their guard is down?
I read your entire diatribe with my darling wifey sitting next to me.
She was four lines into it and making that "face" girls make...the "ewww" face.
Opened the spoiler and the face got worse!
"What? He sounds like he's a good looking guy with excellent physical attributes and stability."
"Sorry, he's self absorbed and...."
"And what?"
"Do you see me smiling? Am I laughing?"
See? I am not some guru telling you anything, this came straight from the Chicago version of Mona Lisa Vito herself, my wife.
You didn't make her laugh, you didn't make her curious, you didn't intrigue her and she hasn't even asked what you look like yet.
:lamo!
If IQ is mental "horsepower" then EQ (emotional quotient, or emotional intelligence) is traction.
Horsepower without traction is meaningless unless you believe huge smoking burnouts are more important than getting down the track.
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).
Now I'm really not trying to make this thread about me the individual, but rather about guys like me in general. I also don't want to sound like I'm bragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.
I feel like guys like me take a unique approach to dating. It's not designed to attract a lot of women, it's designed to attract one really good one. Normally people assume that women do the judging, and it's the mans job to jump through hoops to try and convince her that he's worth it. I think this happens because women are generally the more sexually exclusive sex and men are generally viewed as wanting to **** anything moves. But for highly intelligent guys who are more sexually exclusive I feel like we do a lot of judging on our own, but most women aren't expecting it and aren't ready for it. I for one actually kind of like a woman who has the confidence to approach me. It's not that I'm afraid to make the first move or anything I have in the past with decent success, it's that I want to react to her, not her to me. It helps me determine what kind person she is, how much confidence she has, and what her level of interest is.
Of course that rarely happens but needless to say my approach to dating is a little more passive. Where most guys try and put their best foot forward right away only to disappoint down the road I try and just be myself at the outset under the assumption that this is the guy I'm going to be long term so you better like me not some fake version of me. It's based on the idea that if the right girl really wants a guy like me she'll find me and I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to get her attention. If she doesn't like the fact that I'm holding a beer in my profile picture for example, that's her problem not mine. To me rejecting a guy based on that criteria says more about the low quality of the woman than it does about the man. I don't want to be with a woman who's excessively picky about minor little details any more than a woman would want to be with a man who's going to judge her for having a couple extra pounds in her bikini picture.
This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.
IDK if women can detect if you have a high IQ based on your profile pic of you holding a beer can. But if you are bragging about having a high IQ in your profile that might be a turn off. However, my year experiment of online dating has led me to believe that even if you are a muscular, dark, handsome, man who always has to be above 6 feet tall. Of which I am NOT! You are still entering into a pool with a thousand other guys just like that!
I firmly believe you need flashy attention grabbing pictures on these sites and I've been tempted to hire one of my photographer friends to help me out with that, just to test the theory. Because, unless you are some musician that can show in your pics that you actually tour around the country with your friends or that you have cool toys and a flashy lifestyle. I don't think many profiles will catch a woman's eye enough for her to message them. I much prefer meeting women the old fashioned way. Especially if you are being forced to spend time with each other through something outside of your control...Work function/parties, church groups, school etc... If you think you aren't being that picky in your choice. Women HAVE to be extremely picky and on-guard online. And god forbid they mention anything remotely sexual in their ads.
As an experiment you can try making a fake profile on a free dating site and post a couple of pics of a hot friend or some rando internet girl. You'll get bombarded with messages faster than you can reply! I did this once and it was downright scary and the guys were definitely not intelligent...
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing ........ragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.
I'm 6'2", 220. I was a three sport athlete in High School and played a little College Baseball. I have a B.S. and a very good job. I have a nice apartment to myself in the nicest part of town about 15 minutes from the beach. I have a Dog, a nice car, I cook, I consider myself a feminist, I have a lot of interesting friends that can testify to the fact that I'm anything, but boring and I have an excellent sense of humor, and I'm not looking for a simple hookup. I'm at an age were I'm about ready to settle down more and have kids.
Now again, I'm really really not trying to brag. I hate shameless self promotion, but I feel like based on this information alone there are a lot of single women in their late twenties early thirties who would love to find a guy like me. Don't get me wrong I have my faults as well. I'm not exactly Ryan Gosling or anything. My biggest deficiency is that I probably should have gotten braces when I was a kid.
Yet it seems like all I ever hear from women is horror stories about guys they met on Tinder and other dating sites. They act like every guy on there is some kind of creep looking for a hookup. My personal experience however is that of the hundreds of women I've swiped right on in the last few months only 6 have matched, and zero have replied when I messaged them. Now, I'm sure most people reading this will immediately jump to the conclusion that it's some how all my fault. Maybe I have bad profile pics, maybe my messages are less than amazing, maybe I have too high of standards. There's probably a degree of truth to that, but in my opinion it doesn't seem like I should have to change all that much, and this is the point I'm really getting at.
I feel like guys like me take a unique approach to dating. It's not designed to attract a lot of women, it's designed to attract one really good one. Normally people assume that women do the judging, and it's the mans job to jump through hoops to try and convince her that he's worth it. I think this happens because women are generally the more sexually exclusive sex and men are generally viewed as wanting to **** anything moves. But for highly intelligent guys who are more sexually exclusive I feel like we do a lot of judging on our own, but most women aren't expecting it and aren't ready for it. I for one actually kind of like a woman who has the confidence to approach me. It's not that I'm afraid to make the first move or anything I have in the past with decent success, it's that I want to react to her, not her to me. It helps me determine what kind person she is, how much confidence she has, and what her level of interest is.
Of course that rarely happens but needless to say my approach to dating is a little more passive. Where most guys try and put their best foot forward right away only to disappoint down the road I try and just be myself at the outset under the assumption that this is the guy I'm going to be long term so you better like me not some fake version of me. It's based on the idea that if the right girl really wants a guy like me she'll find me and I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to get her attention. If she doesn't like the fact that I'm holding a beer in my profile picture for example, that's her problem not mine. To me rejecting a guy based on that criteria says more about the low quality of the woman than it does about the man. I don't want to be with a woman who's excessively picky about minor little details any more than a woman would want to be with a man who's going to judge her for having a couple extra pounds in her bikini picture.
This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.
Studies have shown a correlation between High IQ, liberalism, Atheism, and Sexual Exclusivity in Men. I definitely have a very high IQ, I am an atheist, a liberal, and I definitely prefer sexual exclusivity. Not that I don't do one night stands ever, but it's fairly rare. The thing is, I'm 33 and I'm still single. In fact I really haven't had any serious relationships at all(more than about 3 months).
Now I'm really not trying to make this thread about me the individual, but rather about guys like me in general. I also don't want to sound like I'm bragging here at all, but I'm not sure how else to illustrate my point here without stating some facts. If you'd like to ignore my personal story feel free to skip down past the spoiler.
I'm 6'2", 220. I was a three sport athlete in High School and played a little College Baseball. I have a B.S. and a very good job. I have a nice apartment to myself in the nicest part of town about 15 minutes from the beach. I have a Dog, a nice car, I cook, I consider myself a feminist, I have a lot of interesting friends that can testify to the fact that I'm anything, but boring and I have an excellent sense of humor, and I'm not looking for a simple hookup. I'm at an age were I'm about ready to settle down more and have kids.
Now again, I'm really really not trying to brag. I hate shameless self promotion, but I feel like based on this information alone there are a lot of single women in their late twenties early thirties who would love to find a guy like me. Don't get me wrong I have my faults as well. I'm not exactly Ryan Gosling or anything. My biggest deficiency is that I probably should have gotten braces when I was a kid.
Yet it seems like all I ever hear from women is horror stories about guys they met on Tinder and other dating sites. They act like every guy on there is some kind of creep looking for a hookup. My personal experience however is that of the hundreds of women I've swiped right on in the last few months only 6 have matched, and zero have replied when I messaged them. Now, I'm sure most people reading this will immediately jump to the conclusion that it's some how all my fault. Maybe I have bad profile pics, maybe my messages are less than amazing, maybe I have too high of standards. There's probably a degree of truth to that, but in my opinion it doesn't seem like I should have to change all that much, and this is the point I'm really getting at.
I feel like guys like me take a unique approach to dating. It's not designed to attract a lot of women, it's designed to attract one really good one. Normally people assume that women do the judging, and it's the mans job to jump through hoops to try and convince her that he's worth it. I think this happens because women are generally the more sexually exclusive sex and men are generally viewed as wanting to **** anything moves. But for highly intelligent guys who are more sexually exclusive I feel like we do a lot of judging on our own, but most women aren't expecting it and aren't ready for it. I for one actually kind of like a woman who has the confidence to approach me. It's not that I'm afraid to make the first move or anything I have in the past with decent success, it's that I want to react to her, not her to me. It helps me determine what kind person she is, how much confidence she has, and what her level of interest is.
Of course that rarely happens but needless to say my approach to dating is a little more passive. Where most guys try and put their best foot forward right away only to disappoint down the road I try and just be myself at the outset under the assumption that this is the guy I'm going to be long term so you better like me not some fake version of me. It's based on the idea that if the right girl really wants a guy like me she'll find me and I shouldn't have to bend over backwards to get her attention. If she doesn't like the fact that I'm holding a beer in my profile picture for example, that's her problem not mine. To me rejecting a guy based on that criteria says more about the low quality of the woman than it does about the man. I don't want to be with a woman who's excessively picky about minor little details any more than a woman would want to be with a man who's going to judge her for having a couple extra pounds in her bikini picture.
This strategy has yet to work out quite well given that I'm 33 and regularly single, but I feel like as more single women start to approach their 30's and the numbers game starts favoring men like myself more it might have better success. I wonder are there other guys with similar approaches? I feel like most women just assume that a guy is only going to get worse the more you get to know them, and so if the first impression isn't spectacular they run for the hills.
I see, and what exactly would be the purpose of that on an anonymous forum? Clearly I expected most people to react to this thread in a negative way which is why I tried to explain my intentions were not to make this about me, and were not to brag.
How exactly do you think one would go about having a conversation like this without sounding vain exactly?
By talking about the idea in a 3rd person sense - not bringing yourself up at all.
General You at your service. This is also where "I have a friend" comes in handy. It deflects from you, at which point you can say whatever you want about yourself without making it about you.
You know what most women assume about men who sit quiet and never make a move to show they're interested? They assume they're either GAY or in a RELATIONSHIP already - thus not ever interested.
The kind of woman you want doesn't exist in large numbers (basically: you're wanting the reverse of the average standards. Where the female plays the pursuer role and the male plays the pursued role).
So how common is it? I don't know - how many guys have you met aren't in a relationship because they're playing the role of the pursued and not the pursuer? Men read self-help books to learn how to be more outgoing and approach when for dates, in fact. [I've even read a few to understand the male psyche] It's THAT unsuccessful.
Women who are pursued at least send out signals she's interested - it's a complicated tango. It's never entirely passive.
You know what most women assume about men who sit quiet and never make a move to show they're interested? They assume they're either GAY or in a RELATIONSHIP already - thus not ever interested.
Which is pretty short sighted and ignorant. Do you have any idea how often women complain about not being approached when they never even made any effort to approach themselves? I mean seriously, complaining about dudes showing no interest when you're not showing any interest yourself is just stupid. If you're interested in a guy then approach, don't sit there complaining about him not approaching. ****..
Which is pretty short sighted and ignorant. Do you have any idea how often women complain about not being approached when they never even made any effort to approach themselves?
---There's complaining, and there's "complaining". The difference is very subtle, but if you understand the complexity of a woman's psyche, the difference is huge, and obvious.
How do you know men aren't sending out signals, but the women aren't picking them up because they don't expect them?
I've had it happen a few times were I was interested in a woman, but she had a boyfriend at the time so I didn't say anything. We just remained friends. Everyone who knew the two of us could tell that I liked her a lot including her boyfriend who didn't really care for us hanging around. I never specifically told her so, but I never specifically said I didn't either. I just tried to make it very obvious that I was interested in her. When they finally did break up with their respective boyfriends I told them how I felt about them. In each case they appeared utterly blindsided by the fact that I was even the least bit interested in them.
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