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Headlines from the year 2029!

Arthur Fonzarelli

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Headlines from the year 2029!




Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.




White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Haiti.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. ( I just sent it. I didn't write it!)


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.


Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
 

Schweddy

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Fonz, this is good stuff!

:monkey:2rofll:
 

Locke10

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galenrox said:
Man, that's good, but why do you always have to have the most offensive and ignorant signatures?

I've got a better one:

Conservative: An extinct breed that believed in fiscal responsibility and states rights
Neocon: A leach that attacks conservatives by latching on to their brain stem and killing all brain activity.

Try that one, it makes more sense.

Or you could use this one:



Or try this one:

 

Arthur Fonzarelli

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galenrox said:
nope. Still not cool, and if you're gonna pretend to be the fonz, you've gotta start being cool.

LOL...I'm not a fan of Rush...unless of course you're talking about the rock group...in which case I love 'em.

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"begin the day with a friendly voice a companion unobtrusive"

"one likes to believe in the freedom of music but glittering prizes & endless compromises shatters the illusion of integrity"

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"if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice"

"I will choose a path that's clear I will choose freewill"
 

AndrewStebbins

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Here are some for 2029...


Quebec finally Secedes from Canada

New Coke a huge hit in stores

AOL Version 22.8 Released

Supreme Court CJ Rehnquiest Retires

US Troops To Be Pulled From Iraq in Two Years says Pentagon

Andrew
 
H

HTColeman

This Friday in theatres everywhere, "The Average Life of the Johnson's"
Critics vote "reality movie of the year"

Length: 607 minutes

Have you guys noticed that ever since the L.O.R., movies are like 3 hours long!
 

Arch Enemy

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There has always been long movies.

Pearl Harbor, Titanic, Sound of Music.. etc etc.

I don't think just because of the Lord of the Rings that the standard for the length of time a movie should consume would change.


But they have been getting worse.. CGI movies are taking over... Independent Films are now the best types!
 
H

HTColeman

I have only seen the Titanic, which was a waste of my life. I've never seen Pearl Harbor (I'm so unAmerican!). I've also never seen or heard of any Independent Films, where do you go see them?
 

Thorgasm

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Vote Republican/Democrat (pick one), it's easier than thinking!
 

Thorgasm

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Headline:

Tensions in middle-east rising.

New World Order imposed martial law.

Religious fanantics commit mass suicide.
 
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