Have you ever been sexually harassed or assaulted?

[RetiredUSN]

I remodeled a bathroom for a 73 year old lady a few years ago which took me about 8-9 days. After my second day in the house, she kept walking by me real close with her bathrobe wide open. :shock: On the 4th day, I begged my son to come work with me until noon until I could finish the job.

I don't know what was worse, my son joking on me........... or the lady.

 

[HowardBThiname]

Sure, I agree with that.



Yes, it would have been. Thankfully he's not that kind of guy. Although I will say that when it comes to making a move on someone, it's best to do it slowly. I had already been in situations before that happened, where guys have tried to kiss me, and I had enough time to react, so I could just pull back and say no. My friend just pressed his lips on mine without giving me any time to react. And so I kinda freaked out initially (which in retrospect, I shouldn't have done).

You were taken by surprise and acted as well as can be expected in the situation. The old movies have women backing up and slapping men's faces. You did good.

From what Rapp stated himself, he froze initially, that's why he didn't push him away after a while. But he was able to squirm away.

But yeah, I am more disturbed with the fact that he made advances on a 14 year old boy. No adult should be trying to get with a minor.

Yeah, the age thing bothers me the most but also that Rapp's parents would allow him to go to a party like that. And, Rapp said Spacey appeared drunk, which is not an excuse, but at least he stopped when finally asked.

 

[Fraggle Rock]

I have lived through Reagan and Bush and BushII and now Trump and I feel violated in my bum

 

[TheGoverness]

I found the "#metoo" campaign to be a little odd, to be honest. Under this definition of "sexual assault", I have apparently been sexually assaulted probably a half dozen times --and I'm both a man and not terribly attractive (In high school, a few different women who liked me apparently liked to play grab ass). If you're an attractive woman, I imagine that number goes up. By a lot.

I agree with this. I've been in plenty of situations where some people would consider it to be sexual assault or at least harassment, and I didn't really feel like it was.

The part that I found weird is that:

A.) It's not a women's issue, it's just much more likely to happen to women. It seemed bizarre to me to frame this as an exclusively gender issue, but it's true that (neglecting prison sexual assault and rape), women are far more frequently harassed and assaulted.

B.) Although it raises awareness of the issue (which is the good part of the campaign), I'm far more skeptical about the claim that this campaign is going to help fix sexual harassment and assault. The people who sexually harass and assault others are unlikely to take serious heed of this campaign, and possibly are unlikely to even find the stories disturbing. Most of these people have probably internalized sexual harassment or assault (e.g. groping) as "normal." Because in a lot of communities, it's common --it's wrong, but that's never stopped something from being common.


So I think it's good to talk about these things, but I'm still not really sure that there is any coherent strategy to combat these issues. Perhaps openly discussing it will help change it though; on this front, only time will tell.

Agree with all of your points here.

 

[Fraggle Rock]

Woman take your smart phone and put it on record......then let it go back to the dark screen and like Magic you have a lawsuit of epic proportions. And few more of these and the situation will take care of itself

 

[Hawkeye10]

Of course, anyone who has not does not get out much.

 

[nota bene]

I have lived through Reagan and Bush and BushII and now Trump and I feel violated in my bum

How about not politicizing this thread?

 

[Nap]

That's a difficult one. If someone was coerced/pressured into having sex, they might have a case for rape, because there might have not been clear consent in that situation. But I don't know for sure.

I asked this because there was a discussion with another poster on this issue on how a study arrived at their numbers on rape cases. I needed to know so that I could accurately respond to the question.

 

[TheGoverness]

How about not politicizing this thread?

 

[OldFatGuy]

Kathy Griffin made an appearance in one of my pornographic dreams. I've never recovered from the trauma.

 

[tessaesque]

I was assaulted twice by different men. The first time, I made the stupid decision to meet him at his apartment before our first date. He cornered me as I was leaving the bathroom and pushed me into his room, trying to get me onto his bed. When I told him no he laughed and said he preferred to determine sexual compatibly before buying dinner. I kicked him in his nuts as hard as I could and I left. Being young and a little crazy at the time I decided to go to his place of work two days later (he worked at a popular car dealership where my best friend worked reception) and use that connection to announce his behavior over the PA system. I'm no longer allowed to buy cars at that dealership, but it was well worth it to see the look on everybody's face when he got called out.

The second time, I was with a group of friends and one of the men in the group tried to get my attention in a loud bar. I knew he had a thing for me but I had expressed no interest and had made it clear I was in a relationship with somebody. When I didn't respond how he wanted he reached down and essentially tried to grab me by the genitals as one would grab a bowling ball. Another man in the group saw what the a-hole did and saw my reaction and (without any hesitation) squared off and punched him in the nose. Knocked his ass clean out. He was no longer welcome at social events within that group of friends.

Thankfully, 99.9% of my interactions with the rest of the human race are completely respectable. By and large, more men have treated me with respect and support than have offended or assaulted me. And when I've chosen to share my experiences, it is often men (not other women) who express the most outrage and desire for "justice". Women have, in my experience, simply shrugged it off as "one of those things that happens". Hopefully the current environment and candor of victims will change that mentality and we'll see more support amongst our fellow victims.

 

[nota bene]

Hey there, Tessa. Great to see you!

 

[nota bene]

Thankfully, 99.9% of my interactions with the rest of the human race are completely respectable. By and large, more men have treated me with respect and support than have offended or assaulted me. And when I've chosen to share my experiences, it is often men (not other women) who express the most outrage and desire for "justice". Women have, in my experience, simply shrugged it off as "one of those things that happens". Hopefully the current environment and candor of victims will change that mentality and we'll see more support amongst our fellow victims.

I won't say that I shrugged it off, but I tolerated gropes when I was still growing up because complaining did no good.

 

[Fraggle Rock]

"I knew he had a thing for me but I had expressed no interest and had made it clear I was in a relationship with somebody. When I didn't respond how he wanted he reached down and essentially tried to grab me by the genitals as one would grab a bowling ball." Did not know Trump drank.....

 

[tessaesque]

I won't say that I shrugged it off, but I tolerated gropes when I was still growing up because complaining did no good.

When I was younger I probably would have shrugged off an ass or boob grab. In some instances I might have even played along with it. But my older, less "wild and crazy" self finds the idea of those actions rather gross. I think there's something to that, and maybe it's part of the reason women wait so long to report some instances of assault. At the time maybe it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but as our ideas of body autonomy and respect develop we look back and see just how gross those situations really were.

 

[Bodi]

I (personally) would never grab or grope a person I didn't know, but neither would I think the world ended if it happened to me.

Now, instilling fear is a whole different matter, and I can see that happening if a total stranger gropes a person they don't know.

That is not what I meant. I don't fear women but I know that there are some that might make a false allegation, as happened to me. If the woman is adamant and lies then it can ruin a man's life.

 

[compote_tom]

I was assaulted twice by different men. The first time, I made the stupid decision to meet him at his apartment before our first date. He cornered me as I was leaving the bathroom and pushed me into his room, trying to get me onto his bed. When I told him no he laughed and said he preferred to determine sexual compatibly before buying dinner. I kicked him in his nuts as hard as I could and I left. Being young and a little crazy at the time I decided to go to his place of work two days later (he worked at a popular car dealership where my best friend worked reception) and use that connection to announce his behavior over the PA system. I'm no longer allowed to buy cars at that dealership, but it was well worth it to see the look on everybody's face when he got called out.

The second time, I was with a group of friends and one of the men in the group tried to get my attention in a loud bar. I knew he had a thing for me but I had expressed no interest and had made it clear I was in a relationship with somebody. When I didn't respond how he wanted he reached down and essentially tried to grab me by the genitals as one would grab a bowling ball. Another man in the group saw what the a-hole did and saw my reaction and (without any hesitation) squared off and punched him in the nose. Knocked his ass clean out. He was no longer welcome at social events within that group of friends.

Thankfully, 99.9% of my interactions with the rest of the human race are completely respectable. By and large, more men have treated me with respect and support than have offended or assaulted me. And when I've chosen to share my experiences, it is often men (not other women) who express the most outrage and desire for "justice". Women have, in my experience, simply shrugged it off as "one of those things that happens". Hopefully the current environment and candor of victims will change that mentality and we'll see more support amongst our fellow victims.

I love it. Kick him one time for me.

 

[nota bene]

When I was younger I probably would have shrugged off an ass or boob grab. In some instances I might have even played along with it. But my older, less "wild and crazy" self finds the idea of those actions rather gross. I think there's something to that, and maybe it's part of the reason women wait so long to report some instances of assault. At the time maybe it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but as our ideas of body autonomy and respect develop we look back and see just how gross those situations really were.

What matters most to me now is that guys in my daughters' age group know that it's not okay. When I was a little girl, every service station had pin-up calendars with bare-breasted women, and I was so, so embarrassed. As a teen, intoxicated friends of my parents would grab and grope, the accepted excuse being drunk. TV commercials with models strolling down the street while stereotypical construction guys cat-call them make this seem flattering and exciting. No, it wasn't. They talked so dirty, and they taunted. My son is a power plant operator, and part of the training is learning how many seconds you are allowed to look at a woman (it's 8 seconds, and I am not making this up).

 

[Trippy Trekker]

Raped by women twice! The first woman, back in my 20s, I chased with everything I had. All who knew us knew she had my heart. Call her a Unicorn. She never settled for one person. We had a High Octane relationship! I would have married her in a nano-second!
One night I passed out. She went out. She lived next door. When she came back buzzed, she had no qualms about coming into my cottage unannounced and having her way with me while I lay passed out. I woke up in coitus... her on top. I made an instant decision to forgive her.

The next time it happened, decades later, with a different woman, I had a mountain's worth of living experience with women and raising kids. I lost my heart again! This time I raised my game... took it to a Higher Gear! Our bodies, both hers and mine, morphed in reverse. She felt like a teenager again... and I protected her like a Mighty Oak. Either we ended up living together long term or dying together short term! All in... I made pacts with Devils and Saints... thank GOD she finally let me catch her! I surrendered my Free Spirit for a Union of Two. We ended up having a child! We married. I Love her with all my Heart! Now we take each day, one day at a time, together as One!

 

[cpwill]

Just curious how widespread this problem is and how many people are affected by it. This poll is anonymous and you can select as many options as apply.

I became curious because of the #metoo hashtag on facebook and twitter, and realizing how many of my friends had been subjected to unwanted sexual attention.

My worry is the tendency to blend together lots of very different things under this header - from rape, to a guy awkwardly asking you out when you didn't want him to. In our culture, we award a certain amount of status to victims, creating an incentive structure for people to claim victimhood... but people attempting to claim victimhood-based-status off of items that are irritating-but-not-really-abuse degrade efforts to accurately identify and reduce actual problems.

 

[TheGoverness]

My worry is the tendency to blend together lots of very different things under this header - from rape, to a guy awkwardly asking you out when you didn't want him to.

Well, you have a point there. Personally, I don't think all unwanted sexual attention is bad. Like, to give an example, a little while back some guy I talked to asked me if I wanted to be in a sexual relationship with him (like a "friends-with-benefits" kinda thing). I said no, and he was fine with that. Now that was unwanted sexual attention technically, but he didn't try to press further once I said no. So that wasn't a bad thing. Same thing to the other guys that have asked me the same thing since then. Definitely not worthy of being put under the same umbrella as rape. I've had other encounters (if you remember my thread about my friend kissing me), but they were nowhere near to the degree where I would consider them to be sexual assault.

It really just depends on the situation.

 

[truthatallcost]

I've had older women grab my ass at work, and one who was 18. I wouldn't consider it sexual harassment, just because I wasn't really offended by it. It was just weird to have a woman old enough to be my mom's age groping me.

 

[Moderate Right]

Just curious how widespread this problem is and how many people are affected by it. This poll is anonymous and you can select as many options as apply.

I became curious because of the #metoo hashtag on facebook and twitter, and realizing how many of my friends had been subjected to unwanted sexual attention.

What is harassment to one person is not to another. Some women call it harassment if a man pursues them.

 

[Fraggle Rock]

 

[Waddy]

Teachers have quite a bit of time off. When I was a young and untenured teacher I had a principal who lived not far from my house. She knew I made extra money doing home repairs and remodeling. So she would tell me that it was once again time for one of my official evaluations and also that she needed her screens put up at her home. Or that she needed her AC system cleaned for Spring start-up. I even installed her hot tub for free. Actually, most everything was for free although she did toss a few bucks my way once in a while. Once I got tenured I just told her I didn't have the time to "help out" for free anymore, but I would be glad to submit a bid on the work. THAT really pissed her off, but since I was tenured who cares? A couple of years later she was assigned to a different school, so my problem went away with her. There's more than just sexual harassment going on in the workplace; there's more than one way to abuse authority.

Sometime I should tell you about the college professor I had who used my research paper (re-written) and was published in a journal under only her name.