Agreed, Orion. But I believe a significant number of gays and lesbians are hardwired. Some choose, but they have to be wired just the same.
Thinking of this from your own sexuality perspective. I am straight. I (in my mind) am bi-curious, but have never acted on it and likely never would.
My sister is a lesbian. She didn't admit it or come out until she was in her late-20's. She has a son in his early-30's. I really don't know if she is hardwired or that's just a path she took.
I was actually just thinking about this when I was at the boardwalk yesterday checking out people going by. There are gay men who have a specific type of facial template that I see everywhere in the gay community. Its their shape of their head, their smile, their nose, their body frame and the way they carry it. In modern science it's unPC to mention such things, and this may not be something I can really transmit to others but it has been an observation of mine for a long time. When I meet people who have that facial structure, I know right away that they're gay before they open their mouths. I don't even have to rely on gaydar, I can just tell.
Even though not all men I've dated have these facial templates, there is definitely a pattern I see. The ones that don't have these templates tend to be at a different spectrum on the sexuality scale, IMO, even though they choose to identify with the label "gay". These ones usually admit that they've had experiences with women in the past before they "decided" they prefer men, or they came out late.
I really do think that the labeling scheme makes the matter too confusing. A definitive label doesn't allow people to really self-examine where they are on the sexuality spectrum, and even if they do, most people's place on that spectrum doesn't remain static. I think there are people who are truly close to being 100% gay and if our society didn't have same-sex norms they would just be single their whole lives; but not everyone rests on that spectrum. Also, it fails to account for what people feel like doing in the
moment, as it restricts their actions to a rule set. I think without the social rules, many, many more people would be open to experimenting or being with the same-sex in the moment.
My sister came out as gay when she was 21. Then went into a phase where she dated men and called herself straight. Then ended up with women again. Now she's married to a man and has a kid. She told me she just stopped trying to choose a label. I asked her, "Why don't you just identify as bisexual?" She said, "Because maybe today, I'm straight. Maybe today I only want to be with a man. Maybe tomorrow it would only be with a woman, and the day after I am having attractions to either. On some days I feel completely asexual and don't want to be with anyone. On any given day my sexuality feels concrete. So to say that I'm bisexual each and every day is wrong."
I think people should just stop making weird rules about how they should behave and do what they want, but I acknowledge that my ideas may be too advanced for a society that is still having trouble acknowledging that same-sex attractions are normal.