MaggieD
DP Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2010
- Messages
- 43,244
- Reaction score
- 44,664
- Location
- Chicago Area
- Gender
- Female
- Political Leaning
- Moderate
Okay, so John. As some of you may know, Mom's just out of the hospital and needs physical therapy, occupational therapy (help with dressing), 2X a week blood draws by a visiting nurse, etc. Trying hard to build up her strength. She's staying with me right now. And hoped to have her back home by a week from tomorrow.
John came over to visit today, and, as we talked about Mom's condition, I explained to him that he was going to have to exercise patience with her as she got stronger . . . remembered to remind her about walking about the house with her walker . . . helping her for about 15 minutes a day with her exercises. As he rolled his eyes, I said, "Well, John, you've got to find the same compassion for Mom that you have for Mandy (their dog) if she was sick." He said, "It's different. I love the dog."
That escalated me over the moon. Mom was sitting right there. And I said something like, "Make no mistake, John, if it's too much for you -- if you can't find patience -- then I'll take Mom to live with me and sell the house. "No, you won't," he said. Not until you pay me back the $36,000 I've given her in the last 9 years." (When he'd win at the boat, he'd come home and say, "Here, honey, this is for you." He paid no rent. Paid no bills. He carries a sheet of paper around in his wallet with everything he's supposedly given her.
He says that that's the agreement he and Mom had when he came to live with her nine years ago. "If you ever sell the house and I have to move..." he says, Mom promised to give him all his money back. She, of course, says that's bull****.
In fact, when he sold his family home two years ago, I had a conversation with him that included his having to find another place to live some day -- I wanted him to face reality before he sold his own home. (A home that he, his brother and sister had lived in forever and split everything three ways.)
He pointed out to me that "his services" were worth $5000 a month -- the amount of money he paid for one month for his brother who's in an assisted living facility when he had a knee replacement and couldn't live alone at the facility.
I finally threw the $200 he'd given mom from "boat winnings" today. Called him a ****ing asshole. Told him he was the luckiest guy on planet earth for the last 50 years when he's lived with mom rent-free. And he left the house. Smart because I think I might have killed him. He's 85 years old and his brain is practically fried, I think, from 50 years of alcoholism. He hasn't had a drink in 9 years.
Thanks for listening. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Order him out? It'll be a civil matter with him making the claim he's making. I pay for their cable . . . cut that off right this second? Make the decision to keep Mom with me permanently? I just don't know.
But what I know right now is that I need to cool down. Mom's like, "Whatever." She's what they call cognitively disabled now so . . .
John came over to visit today, and, as we talked about Mom's condition, I explained to him that he was going to have to exercise patience with her as she got stronger . . . remembered to remind her about walking about the house with her walker . . . helping her for about 15 minutes a day with her exercises. As he rolled his eyes, I said, "Well, John, you've got to find the same compassion for Mom that you have for Mandy (their dog) if she was sick." He said, "It's different. I love the dog."
That escalated me over the moon. Mom was sitting right there. And I said something like, "Make no mistake, John, if it's too much for you -- if you can't find patience -- then I'll take Mom to live with me and sell the house. "No, you won't," he said. Not until you pay me back the $36,000 I've given her in the last 9 years." (When he'd win at the boat, he'd come home and say, "Here, honey, this is for you." He paid no rent. Paid no bills. He carries a sheet of paper around in his wallet with everything he's supposedly given her.
He says that that's the agreement he and Mom had when he came to live with her nine years ago. "If you ever sell the house and I have to move..." he says, Mom promised to give him all his money back. She, of course, says that's bull****.
In fact, when he sold his family home two years ago, I had a conversation with him that included his having to find another place to live some day -- I wanted him to face reality before he sold his own home. (A home that he, his brother and sister had lived in forever and split everything three ways.)
He pointed out to me that "his services" were worth $5000 a month -- the amount of money he paid for one month for his brother who's in an assisted living facility when he had a knee replacement and couldn't live alone at the facility.
I finally threw the $200 he'd given mom from "boat winnings" today. Called him a ****ing asshole. Told him he was the luckiest guy on planet earth for the last 50 years when he's lived with mom rent-free. And he left the house. Smart because I think I might have killed him. He's 85 years old and his brain is practically fried, I think, from 50 years of alcoholism. He hasn't had a drink in 9 years.
Thanks for listening. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Order him out? It'll be a civil matter with him making the claim he's making. I pay for their cable . . . cut that off right this second? Make the decision to keep Mom with me permanently? I just don't know.
But what I know right now is that I need to cool down. Mom's like, "Whatever." She's what they call cognitively disabled now so . . .