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Finally, Some Real Parenting Around Here

This is somewhat what I do also. I tell the older brother to protect the younger one from older bullies that are of the later age. Bigger relatives of ours protect the older brother from being bullied from bullies whom are older than the older brother.

I on the other hand strictly stop the older brother from bullying younger kids! Holding a pink flag may not do it but a week off video games might. Hence no one dares bully younger classes.

Once a bully entered the younger class of that of the older brother. He was spotted from a relative. Bullies are cowards you know hence they seek the weak. The relative turned that cowardly fear of theirs into a nightmare.

There is no bullying in the school where my kids go to. Fights are same age tops.
 
I think that is horrible parenting. Who knows how the kid will react? He could shrink forever and become the one bullied in the future. He could become angry and become an even worse bully. Something else unexpected could happen.

If you want some sort of public announcement just have the boy wear a tshirt with you phone number for other students to call, like those "how is my driving" stickers, so that way you are notified if you kid misbehaves and have the opportunity to take care of it.
 
I think that is horrible parenting. Who knows how the kid will react? He could shrink forever and become the one bullied in the future. He could become angry and become an even worse bully. Something else unexpected could happen.

If you want some sort of public announcement just have the boy wear a tshirt with you phone number for other students to call, like those "how is my driving" stickers, so that way you are notified if you kid misbehaves and have the opportunity to take care of it.

I agree..bullies are usually very unhappy children and lack love in their homes...

Most bullies are cowards and will only bully other kids who are smaller than them..or have some other sort of disadvantage..

However, sadly, bullying does not stop outside the school gates..It has followed very many people into their chosen professions..

Workplace bullying is rife..usually defined by the said bully's position in the hierarchy...
 
I don't know . . . 4th grade. I don't think it's a good idea to humiliate children. Especially that young. If that's "the best ya' got," with a 10-year-old, I think you're going to have real problems with the kid's 14.

Not so much humiliating. I think he is enjoying the attention he is getting with his dad in the background.
 
I don't get these parents who make their kids hold signs on street corners. I seriously doubt it's very effective in the long run. I don't think parenting should ever include the public humiliation of your own kids. That's assuming they even feel humilated for what they've actually done wrong and not for having such weird parents who air their private issues in public like that.
 
Not so much humiliating. I think he is enjoying the attention he is getting with his dad in the background.

Yeah, he looks like he's havin' a blast. ;)
 
If I had a kid like that, I would start by taking away his favorite thing. Then I would take away the thing that he replaced it with (and keep doing that). Then if that didn't work, I would get creative.

Boredom is often a child's worst enemy and it can be used to make the most effective punishments that I have ever dispensed. You would be surprised with what I have accomplished with an intentional long meandering boring lecture, especially if you force them to make eye contact the whole time (which keeps their mind from wandering)
 
If I had a kid like that, I would start by taking away his favorite thing. Then I would take away the thing that he replaced it with (and keep doing that). Then if that didn't work, I would get creative.

Boredom is often a child's worst enemy and it can be used to make the most effective punishments that I have ever dispensed.

IMO (says childless Maggie), once it's been made very clear to a child that he enjoys privileges rather than entitlements, I think most of the battle (with a normal child) is won.

Video games, TVs in rooms, cell phones, privacy on computers, computers for any other use but school, spending money . . . all courtesy of the benevolent dictators called Mom & Dad.
 
IMO (says childless Maggie), once it's been made very clear to a child that he enjoys privileges rather than entitlements, I think most of the battle (with a normal child) is won.

Video games, TVs in rooms, cell phones, privacy on computers, computers for any other use but school, spending money . . . all courtesy of the benevolent dictators called Mom & Dad.

All of those devices alleviate boredom. At least with most kids. My kids are wonderfully creative enough to create whole worlds out of rocks and sticks, even at the age of 12. I don't know how I got so lucky with that one, but their imagination will serve them well in life, so it makes me very proud of them.

As for the growing up type lessons, I very liberally sprinkle my expectations and am very quick to explain why I told them not to do something when they inevitably don't follow my instructions and something bad happens. It works for me at least. They usually listen to that same instruction the next time around. If not, I take it up a notch. But I have been rewarded with kids that I can reason with, even my nine year old is someone I can explain my motivations to and he will usually understand why its for the best and go with it, even if he doesn't personally want to. The more he internalizes it, the more he will make the right choice the first time and the more I can trust him to do well on his own, which for me is the entire point of being a parent. Making my kids not need me.

There are very few formal rules in my house, because I don't need them. The rules I do have are based on immediate dangers to health and safety. Otherwise, I expect them to not need rules. It works pretty well.
 
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Have you guys considered the victims? Bullying linked to half of the suicides among 10 - 14 year-olds.
 
All of those devices alleviate boredom. At least with most kids. My kids are wonderfully creative enough to create whole worlds out of rocks and sticks, even at the age of 12. I don't know how I got so lucky with that one, but their imagination will serve them well in life, so it makes me very proud of them.

As for the growing up type lessons, I very liberally sprinkle my expectations and am very quick to explain why I told them not to do something when they inevitably don't follow my instructions and something bad happens. It works for me at least. They usually listen to that same instruction the next time around. If not, I take it up a notch. But I have been rewarded with kids that I can reason with, even my nine year old is someone I can explain my motivations to and he will usually understand why its for the best and go with it, even if he doesn't personally want to. The more he internalizes it, the more he will make the right choice the first time and the more I can trust him to do well on his own, which for me is the entire point of being a parent. Making my kids not need me.

There are very formal rules in my house, because I don't need them. The rules I do have are based on immediate dangers to health and safety. Otherwise, I expect them to not need rules. It works pretty well.

"Give 'em roots, and give 'em wings."
 
"Give 'em roots, and give 'em wings."

My parents were almost the opposite. I had to figure out all this for myself in my 20s while raising toddlers, it wasn't fun :(
 
If I had a kid like that, I would start by taking away his favorite thing. Then I would take away the thing that he replaced it with (and keep doing that). Then if that didn't work, I would get creative.

Boredom is often a child's worst enemy and it can be used to make the most effective punishments that I have ever dispensed. You would be surprised with what I have accomplished with an intentional long meandering boring lecture, especially if you force them to make eye contact the whole time (which keeps their mind from wandering)

The problem with the long lectures is I cant take them, even if I am the giving them. My philosophy is to keep it short sweet and to the point. If talk don't work then fining, working, and the occasional spanking do. I have went out of my way to perfect the LOOK, so all I have to do is look at them. It makes me feel bad even when they are smaller and start sniffling, almost like cad. But it seems work and well. So sniffles or not its what I do.
 
The problem with the long lectures is I cant take them, even if I am the giving them. My philosophy is to keep it short sweet and to the point. If talk don't work then fining, working, and the occasional spanking do. I have went out of my way to perfect the LOOK, so all I have to do is look at them. It makes me feel bad even when they are smaller and start sniffling, almost like cad. But it seems work and well. So sniffles or not its what I do.

My kids are all intellectuals, it works for them. Besides, I am a master of just pulling long winded good sounding explanations out of my ass and making it up as I go along. It also means I never have to prepare for a meeting at work :lol:

I couldn't tell you how many times some upper management goes "what's you plan?" and something just pops out of my mouth even though I never thought about it and they all think I spent a lot of time developing it.

But no the point of the long lecture is that I want them to roll their eyes and go "yes dad... sigh" because its actually creating habits. If they are forced to focus that long and as much as a sponge kids are, it will hit their long term memory. Its based on how I know people to work more than anything. In a way, I am actually training them to react certain ways to certain situations akin to muscle memory.

(yes, I am brainwashing my kids, but hell it works, those little dudes are happy all the time)
 
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Have you guys considered the victims? Bullying linked to half of the suicides among 10 - 14 year-olds.

And what lesson is the bully of a father teaching his son? No, there are better ways. I hate bullies. I would stop it wherever I saw it with children. But "bullying back" isn't a good answer.
 
And what lesson is the bully of a father teaching his son? No, there are better ways. I hate bullies. I would stop it wherever I saw it with children. But "bullying back" isn't a good answer.

Can you suggest some of the better ways?
 
Can you suggest some of the better ways?

Well, yeah. First, my son would lose whichever was most valuable to him for two weeks: his computer, his TV in his room, his cell phone, whatever it was. With the promise that if it happened again? The consequences would be more unpleasant. Since he obviously bullied somebody, I'd take him to the child's house, explain what happened to his parents, apologize to them, with the before-agreement with my son that he was going to apologize to the child involved. If it happened at school, I'd make an appointment with his teacher, bring my son along, and tell the teacher that my son was facing big-time consequences at home because of his behavior. And that I wanted to know any time that behavior happened again. Now the school knows I'm on their side.

In short? I would rain hell down upon him with constructive punishment. Think he'd do it again?
 
I think that is horrible parenting. Who knows how the kid will react? He could shrink forever and become the one bullied in the future. He could become angry and become an even worse bully. Something else unexpected could happen.

If you want some sort of public announcement just have the boy wear a tshirt with you phone number for other students to call, like those "how is my driving" stickers, so that way you are notified if you kid misbehaves and have the opportunity to take care of it.

Are you a parent?
 
I dealt with bullies as a kid. When I was 7 living in Okinawa I contracted tuberculosis, and much to the surprise of the doctors, survived it after 16 months of treatment an one surgery to remove damaged lymph nodes. Because of this my growth was stunted and I was much smaller than my classmates, not catching up until about sophomore year in high school. Dad was still military, so you can imagine every time we moved I was the new small kid. I might as well have had a target on my back. Eventually I stopped caring if I got beat up or not and started fighting back. It didn't take long before I was sending bullies to the hospital. One even stayed a while.

So when my son started having a problem with a bully who sat at his lunch table I advised my son on how to handle that. The kid was bigger than my son and used to make a game of reaching over and taking some of his lunch items. The bully bought his lunch (my son packs his own) and so has a cafeteria tray. He sits to the right of my son, who is right handed.

So I told my son, the next time he does that, without saying a word stand up. Put your left foot on the bench with your knee against the table (for leverage). Pick up HIS lunch tray and as hard as you can smack him straight in the face with it as if you were swinging for the stands and knock him right out of his seat.

That was last year. I got a call from the school. The principal and I had a little "come to Jesus" moment. The bully was not seriously hurt. Turns out his parents are customers of mine, and the father thanked me for it. And this year the boys are friends. All this mamby pamby BS is going to have your kids growing up cowering and weak. Don't fall for it. A good ass kickin' is exactly what some people need.
 
Of three children

After reading your later posts I like your style. In the beginning there I just wanted to know who I was talking to. Given that I handle things a lot like you do. My son lost his computer priveleges for the week yesterday. Mom was out of town so it was "dude's weekend", pretty much whatever we wanted to do and lots of quick easy dinners of stuff he likes. But when he blew that bedtime... well it was the only thing I asked of him and he didn't do it.

But as far as the bullying goes, it is a bit more extreme and needs to be handled definatively and quickly. Having been on the receiving end of it many times I know what worked for me and I'm not willing to let it drag out with escalating chats. It has to be handled quickly. Before I figured that out I was tormented for months while my mother insisted I "just ignore them and they will stop". That doesn't work. So when I heard the story about the three kids who stopped my dad on a bridge when he was a kid and threw his bike in the river, and how he found them each alone late and took his pound of flesh I changed tactics. And unlike theoretical thrid party advice, my method worked every time. I never became the bully. But after that it only took one time in each new school to stop being the target.
 
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