Drug Suspect Denied Owning Wrapped Package

[azgreg]

Drug Suspect Denied Owning Wrapped Package

DECEMBER 20--A Florida Man denied ownership of baggies containing cocaine and methamphetamine that cops found “wrapped around his penis” during a search early Saturday morning, according to arrest af

www.thesmokinggun.com

Seems legit.

DECEMBER 20--A Florida Man denied ownership of baggies containing cocaine and methamphetamine that cops found “wrapped around his penis” during a search early Saturday morning, according to arrest affidavits.

Investigators say Patrick Florence, 34, was a passenger in a vehicle stopped around 4 AM for traveling without headlights or tail lights on a Clearwater roadway. The driver, Darius Owens, 27, was subsequently arrested on DUI and marijuana possession charges.

 

[Mr Person]

I hate when people tie things to my dick. You go to pee and it's like... wtf, why's there a bunch of drugs stuck on my dick?




(I'd love that appeal. It'd be impossible but I wouldn't feel bad about losing, and it'd be an interesting challenge to see just how far I can push a straight face.

"The government's own evidence indicated that the defendant was in contact with no less than twenty people in the several hours before he was searched. Not one witness provided evidence that would allow the jury to conclude that a third party did not tie drugs to his dick. Not one! In fact, none of the government's witnesses testified to seeing so much as the outline of his penis. There is absolutely nothing in the record that would allow the jury to conclude that the defendant, rather than a third party, tied those drugs on. And where two inferences are equally likely given the state of the evidence, the jury may not infer the inculpatory.

And I suggest that this court can take judicial notice of the perils of drugdick bandits. And while it's not part of the record, I do note that someone tied drugs to my dick just the other day. They were not tied on when I used the restroom in this very building. But when I got home, there dangled a kilo.")



EDIT: ok, I clicked the link. But I got some sort of warning indicating it wasn't entirely secure. And with the latest Zero Day breach, I'm a bit paranoid. Says parts of the page are not secure....

Shield is up and quick scan shows nothing. I guess another full-system check.

 

[Gateman_Wen]

Drug Suspect Denied Owning Wrapped Package

DECEMBER 20--A Florida Man denied ownership of baggies containing cocaine and methamphetamine that cops found “wrapped around his penis” during a search early Saturday morning, according to arrest af

www.thesmokinggun.com

Seems legit.

 

[bongsaway]

Oh flori-duh.

 

[Chomsky]

Florida!

 

[Roadvirus]

Drug Suspect Denied Owning Wrapped Package

DECEMBER 20--A Florida Man denied ownership of baggies containing cocaine and methamphetamine that cops found “wrapped around his penis” during a search early Saturday morning, according to arrest af

www.thesmokinggun.com

Seems legit.

"Are those bags of coke or are you happy to see me?"