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Do you think you'd move on and remarry after your spouse passes away?

Aunt Spiker

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.
 

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.
I can't say these are things I really contemplate (or contemplate much). But without a doubt I would find someone else, and probably as quickly as I am emotionally able - because I don't like living alone at all. Not one bit!

I strongly believe life is meant to be fully lived and enjoyed. I feel of reasonably clear conscience that I strongly give everything I possibly can to my wife, and treat her as lovingly and fairly and respectfully as possible. So if she were to go first, I feel I can move on with no guilt because I've done my best and every thing I can to make her happy.

Crazy as it sounds, I really do believe we were put here to give love to each other, and as much as I've got to give - it never gets given without someone else.

My pop always said: "The most important thing in life, is how you make others feel"

He was right.
 

Aunt Spiker

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Hmm - I don't think I'm capable of guilt-free moving on.

because i know what would happen: I'd be able to fully devote myself to my writing. I'd drown in endless writing nights that have no end or beginning. And I'd make a ****ing fortune doing it, too, because the only limits i have now are the many ways in which my husband's ailments force me to balance and divide my time wisely. Kids of course, but I think more and more lately his issues are taking top priority. Kids grow and become more independent, my husband is not.

So . . . I'd have all sorts of money from my writing and nothing to do with it.

I'd go nuts - possibly Mrs. Winchester level of nuts.
 

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Well, as much as you'd love writing, you'd probably also develop the urge for a muse!

It's the people around us that inspire us to write, right?

It was that way with for me with music. Definitely!
 

Aunt Spiker

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Well, as much as you'd love writing, you'd probably also develop the urge for a muse!

It's the people around us that inspire us to write, right?

It was that way with for me with music. Definitely!

Hmm - I had to think about that for a bit.
I daresay that I don't have people as a muse. I'm an introvert . . . and the only way I met my husband was through me having to work outside the house to make ends meet. Without being forced outside the house, I'd have no reason to leave it.

I think the only thing that might compel me otherwise is the fear of dying alone with no one the wiser to find my body before years go by.
 

SmokeAndMirrors

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Well, I don't believe in marrying, but I'll take my personal approximation and apply that...

I don't know.

I know I'd keep tickin'. I seem to be congenitally incapable of doing anything else. I have this weird sense of obligation to keep doing life as much as possible. So I'd stay functional enough.

But to be honest, I am already about as untrusting as it's possible for a human being to be, while still maintaining normal relationships. That lack of trust isn't just about whether people are honest, but also about the uncertainty inherent to living. I'm hoping the latter will improve as I age and get to be more at peace with the real-ness of adulthood. But right now, it's still a tough one for me.

Would that break my trust for good?

I don't know. Not gonna lie.

But I'd function. And I'd keep having friends. And because I am lucky enough to have my instincts intact, I would probably also continue doing things that were good for me and kept me relatively level in the long run.

But I don't know how I'd do with dating.

I don't know. Maybe I underestimate myself. I've thought I was on the brink of my ability to cope many times, but for some reason I just never totally run out of steam no matter how dire things are. Feels miserable, but I always manage to find the energy from somewhere.

I'm resilient, if nothing else. My concern, however, is that I'm not at all stoic. It's a weird way to be, where everything has an affect, but none of those affects last. Whenever something truly horrible and disastrous happens, I always have this doubt I'll come back from it this time -- surely I'm running out of extra lives by now. But I always do.

I don't know.
 

Chomsky

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Hmm - I had to think about that for a bit.
I daresay that I don't have people as a muse. I'm an introvert . . . and the only way I met my husband was through me having to work outside the house to make ends meet. Without being forced outside the house, I'd have no reason to leave it.

I think the only thing that might compel me otherwise is the fear of dying alone with no one the wiser to find my body before years go by.
Well - if you're introverted then my opinion and experience might be pretty worthless, as I'm pretty highly extroverted.

I've got a shrink aunt with over thirty years experience, and she says I'm pretty much the most extroverted person she's seen. No idea if that's good or bad, but I like it - so good enough.
 

joG

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.

I don't know. I have lived a life with a central household and taken jobs here and there always for a few years during which I would commute on most weekends. My wife live there and we would take vacations together. That was fine. Now we have taken a new house by the sea, where we live together all the time. That is fine. I am quite happy as it is, but I do not know that I would want to marry again.
 

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None of us will ever know for sure until it happens.

I don't see myself with another lady if something happened to my wife.

But, you all know how it goes.........................ya walk into a place one day and your heart does a flip for some nice looking lady or guy.
 

Hawkeye10

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It is highly unlikely that I would get married, though I would be fine with a woman moving in with me. I would not move in with her, I like my house too much.
 

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My answer to the thread title question is highly contingent upon what age I am should something as catastrophic as that happen.

Also - I doubt I'd remarry as having any more kids is absolutely out of the equation for me.

If I lost my spouse within the next 5 years or so, I could foresee entering into another relationship with someone at some point.
If I was 85 years old when it happened, meh, hard to say...
 

WCH

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IMO, not something you can or should predetermine. [unless you have someone in mind]
 

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.

While it may be an interesting exercise, you just can't know who you will be when you emerge out the other side of gut-wrenching sadness and change. Life has a way of giving us what we search for, though, and like the song says, "I will survive." And, of course, you would.

When George died, I would have remarried in a heartbeat. I wanted my old life back. Then, I saw how simple life could be when it wasn't managed by committee...when my time was my own, and I answered to no one. Then I realized I wanted someone in my life to share sunsets with. But marrying that person was out of the question.

When we lose a spouse or a significant other who's been in our lives for years, we are devastated beyond anything we can imagine. And then we eventually transform. It's as beautiful as becoming a butterfly.
 

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Never say never, but no, I don't think I would remarry. Sure, having a companion to share the finer things in life with, that may be appealing. That could be male or female friends, it matters not. I don't mind being alone; we can feel lonely among people.
The thought of learning to live with another person once again, no thank you.
 

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After seeing every response in the thread counter to mine, I feel like the Elizabeth Taylor (Mickey Rooney?) of DP ...
 

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.

I feel the same way about my wife. When we are apart for extended periods of time, I basically de-evolve into a worse person.

I might seek to marry again, depending on how old I was when she died. The problems are that now I am older, fatter, too busy to spend much time dating, and come with kids. Additionally, because of my wife, I will have incredibly high standards. So.... even if I wanted to remarry, the probability of being able to do so is exceedingly low. I think it's important for children to have a mom and a dad... but... I just don't think I'd succeed in being able to marry someone I would trust to be their mother while still raising them.

Which means I would have to turn serving my kids into my reason for being until I can get them out of the house. Then maybe.
 

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.

The Mrs and I have talked about this more than once. We've come to the conclusion it would be absolutely insane to spend the rest of our life alone if one of us were to pass. Doesn't mean we're going to immediately seek a new partner out, but at least be open to the possibility if it were to happen. We're both totally good with this and I absolutely wouldn't want her lonely and miserable.
 

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Hmm - I don't think I'm capable of guilt-free moving on.

because i know what would happen: I'd be able to fully devote myself to my writing. I'd drown in endless writing nights that have no end or beginning. And I'd make a ****ing fortune doing it, too, because the only limits i have now are the many ways in which my husband's ailments force me to balance and divide my time wisely. Kids of course, but I think more and more lately his issues are taking top priority. Kids grow and become more independent, my husband is not.

So . . . I'd have all sorts of money from my writing and nothing to do with it.

I'd go nuts - possibly Mrs. Winchester level of nuts.

Hey... my wife isn't nuts. :lol:
 

Fearandloathing

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I did lose the love of my life 9 years ago, and no.

It was my third and her second and when you find 'the one', far from perfect but perfect for each other, you know in your heart you will never have that again. I never bothered looking.
 

Goshin

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I probably shouldn't even respond, since I've been divorced for 18 years.


But, what they heck...


I stayed single in large part because I never dated a woman who seemed to really understand that my child was not an accessory, he was my first priority BEFORE her, and who was willing and able to treat him as if he were her own.

Ok, that's a high standard I guess, but I didn't find it and so I didn't remarry.

Son#1 is more or less a grown man now, but I've been solo so long I feel little inclination to remarry. I'm not inclined to make major changes in my lifestyle to suit someone else, or put up with the compromises essential to marriage. I do things my way... others in my life are welcome to help, follow or get the heck out of the way.

Not to mention I've currently got a house full anyway... Niece #2 and her two school age boys have been living with me and S#1 for about two years now, and I'm doubting that is going to change any sooner than another two years.

Theoretical Potential Wife might have a place of her own I suppose... whether I'd want to move there is another question...



I'm all in favor of and an enthusiastic advocate of marriage... just not sure I want to participate any more. First round didn't go so well. :D
 

radcen

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My husband's out of town and i have paperwork to do - and in this paper work are rather depressing inquiries into his health. Oh why do I do this to myself? . . . I always ask myself that when I start dwelling on this inevitable future.

What will I do when he dies? Other than become a wino, write the world's longest and most dull tome, and then live the life of a recluse? Without him, I'll become one of those old, strange women that has too many cats, wears sweaters all year long, has too many kids that never come home to visit, I might even let my home go and live in a hoarder house perhaps but at least my toilet will be functional. And then when I get old? I don't even see myself leaving my own house let alone remarrying.

Am I the only one who sits and thinks of the possibility - KNOWING it's a strong possibility, an inevitable fact - and fearing what it means?

I'd like to imagine I'm a stronger person than that - one who doesn't need a guy in my life to be a whole individual. But I know I'm not. I'm reliant on him to function as a complete person. Take him away and I'm like a poorly written character in one of my sappy smut stories.

I think the best thing to do is follow your heart at the moment. You may feel fine being single, and it will surprise you. You may feel the need for someone else. You may have a period of wanting to be alone, then wake up one day and realize you're ready. You'll know what to do. And ignore everyone else and their advice.
 

radcen

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My answer to the thread title question is highly contingent upon what age I am should something as catastrophic as that happen.

Also - I doubt I'd remarry as having any more kids is absolutely out of the equation for me.

If I lost my spouse within the next 5 years or so, I could foresee entering into another relationship with someone at some point.
If I was 85 years old when it happened, meh, hard to say...
It's amazing how many at that age hook up with someone just for the companionship.


I probably shouldn't even respond, since I've been divorced for 18 years.


But, what they heck...


I stayed single in large part because I never dated a woman who seemed to really understand that my child was not an accessory, he was my first priority BEFORE her, and who was willing and able to treat him as if he were her own.

Ok, that's a high standard I guess, but I didn't find it and so I didn't remarry.

Son#1 is more or less a grown man now, but I've been solo so long I feel little inclination to remarry. I'm not inclined to make major changes in my lifestyle to suit someone else, or put up with the compromises essential to marriage. I do things my way... others in my life are welcome to help, follow or get the heck out of the way.

Not to mention I've currently got a house full anyway... Niece #2 and her two school age boys have been living with me and S#1 for about two years now, and I'm doubting that is going to change any sooner than another two years.

Theoretical Potential Wife might have a place of her own I suppose... whether I'd want to move there is another question...



I'm all in favor of and an enthusiastic advocate of marriage... just not sure I want to participate any more. First round didn't go so well. :D
Yet go to dating websites and that is one of the most common proclamations from women... kids come first.

Only their kids, I'm sure. :2razz:
 

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It's amazing how many at that age hook up with someone just for the companionship.


Growing old alone has to be zero fun.



Yet go to dating websites and that is one of the most common proclamations from women... kids come first.

Only their kids, I'm sure. :2razz:


I've actually heard this talked about, not just among men but also women, that while it seems most men take having a new wife that comes with kids from previous marriage (hereafter called wife+ or hubby+ for brevity) in stride and are typically very accepting of the children, many women seem to have issues with hubby+kids. The kids as a "reminder of that OTHER woman" seem to be a problem in some cases.

I'm sure it goes both ways at times, but what I've heard seems to suggest it is more of a female problem. :shrug:
 

radcen

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I've actually heard this talked about, not just among men but also women, that while it seems most men take having a new wife that comes with kids from previous marriage (hereafter called wife+ or hubby+ for brevity) in stride and are typically very accepting of the children, many women seem to have issues with hubby+kids. The kids as a "reminder of that OTHER woman" seem to be a problem in some cases.

I'm sure it goes both ways at times, but what I've heard seems to suggest it is more of a female problem. :shrug:
That's my impression, too. Women seem to get hung up on the other kids more than men do. Men, if they do not care for the other kids, are more prone to simply ignore them.

Neither is ideal, of course, but men don't seem to hold onto animosity as much.
 

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I probably shouldn't even respond, since I've been divorced for 18 years.


But, what they heck...


I stayed single in large part because I never dated a woman who seemed to really understand that my child was not an accessory, he was my first priority BEFORE her, and who was willing and able to treat him as if he were her own.

Ok, that's a high standard I guess, but I didn't find it and so I didn't remarry.


Son#1 is more or less a grown man now, but I've been solo so long I feel little inclination to remarry. I'm not inclined to make major changes in my lifestyle to suit someone else, or put up with the compromises essential to marriage. I do things my way... others in my life are welcome to help, follow or get the heck out of the way.

Not to mention I've currently got a house full anyway... Niece #2 and her two school age boys have been living with me and S#1 for about two years now, and I'm doubting that is going to change any sooner than another two years.

Theoretical Potential Wife might have a place of her own I suppose... whether I'd want to move there is another question...



I'm all in favor of and an enthusiastic advocate of marriage... just not sure I want to participate any more. First round didn't go so well. :D
I find this interesting.

I had a very brief and volatile marriage at a very young age.

But my experience was the opposite: I found women loved to play Mom to my daughter, and I even remarked to my guy friends how my kid seemed to be a babe magnet of sorts.

One (non-parent) women I started dating even later told me she remarked to her friends that she was attracted to the idea I had a kid, and she loved the way me & my kid interacted, and she liked being with us all together.

Quite honestly, the women I dated seemed to really like that I had a kid. No idea why, but they did.

Different strokes for different folks I guess ...
 
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