Divorce and the inevitable Male Crash-Burn

[calamity]

I see it all the time. Female leaves man; man falls apart, resorts to heavy drinking, loses job, loses home, gets arrested or worse--shoots to kill the partner who left him and takes own life. It almost never fails. The only remedy for the inevitable Male Crash-Burn is the good fortune of finding a new woman with the strength to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Now, is this CB condition a 100%? Well, I am sure there are exceptions to prove the rule. However, for the most part, show me a dude whose life fell apart, and I'll say, "He just got divorced, didn't he?"

Thoughts?

 

[Aunt Antifa]

I see it all the time. Female leaves man; man falls apart, resorts to heavy drinking, loses job, loses home, gets arrested or worse--shoots to kill the partner who left him and takes own life. It almost never fails. The only remedy for the inevitable Male Crash-Burn is the good fortune of finding a new woman with the strength to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Now, is this CB condition a 100%? Well, I am sure there are exceptions to prove the rule. However, for the most part, show me a dude whose life fell apart, and I'll say, "He just got divorced, didn't he?"

Thoughts?

I would argue that the crash burning is what led to the other person wanting out. Their leaving is the final pin releasing from the grenade.

 

[calamity]

I would argue that the crash burning is what led to the other person wanting out. Their leaving is the final pin releasing from the grenade.

Excellent point.

The person I have in mind for the latest report on a male crash-burn was given an ultimatum a year ago. "Quit drinking, or I'm gone."

He obviously chose option "B."

 

[bluesmoke]

The woman has made up her mind before the man has figured out what's going on even after hearing the truth from her and then she leaves. Sadly, the codependent women stay. Ego.

 

[gino]

Some of it is due to the inequity of divorce court. Then some is due to women being better at backstabbing their partners.

I've seen quite a few divorces in my time. In almost every one, it was the wife who turned it nasty. The guy was willing to walk away clean, the woman wanted to hurt the guy. And due to the laws of divorce court, they can.

 

[calamity]

The woman has made up her mind before the man has figured out what's going on even after hearing the truth from her and then she leaves. Sadly, the codependent women stay. Ego.

Staying is an interesting dynamic in its own right. Many stay due to financial dependence. Others are foolish and believe they can change persistent behavior. The woman in the example above was somewhat stuck: two kids and no career prospects. Nonetheless, she opted out rather than stay with a drunk.

I know of another couple. In that case, the female wears the britches due to huge disparity in income. Dude there knows better than to come home drunk or step out of line in any way shape or form. It's almost funny, like when his phone chirps and he urgently replies, saying, "I better take this. It's the wife."

Now, there's a woman who will take no shit.

 

[calamity]

Some of it is due to the inequity of divorce court. Then some is due to women being better at backstabbing their partners.

I've been to several divorce courts. The equity there was fine. Of course, you gotta outsmart the opposition.

I've seen quite a few divorces in my time. In almost every one, it was the wife who turned it nasty. The guy was willing to walk away clean, the woman wanted to hurt the guy. And due to the laws of divorce court, they can.

My take on your post is that the dudes failed to use their noggin. Have you never heard of making an offer she cannot refuse? It works great.

I extricated myself from a toothache by making the deal too palatable to turn down, even though the opposition was hellbent on dragging it out. Throwing some cash on the table solves a lot of problems. Few people turn away from money they can immediately have in hand.

 

[Aunt Antifa]

Excellent point.

The person I have in mind for the latest report on a male crash-burn was given an ultimatum a year ago. "Quit drinking, or I'm gone."

He obviously chose option "B."

These things don’t usually come on acutely. This is true with all of us: if we examine our bad relationships, we will see (usually) every red flag was there from day one. That’s not to say people don’t change over time or that there are external events that knock folks back and they don’t handle it well (loss of a job/loved one; health issue; or they were just really good at keeping their asshole tendencies at bay initially.

 

[calamity]

These things don’t usually come on acutely. This is true with all of us: if we examine our bad relationships, we will see (usually) every red flag was there from day one. That’s not to say people don’t change over time or that there are external events that knock folks back and they don’t handle it well (loss of a job/loved one; health issue; or they were just really good at keeping their asshole tendencies at bay initially.

Yes, the situation I referenced was a case of her just being fed up with years-long behavior. I'm sure there were thousands of little hints suggesting he stop doing it that went ignored. Eventually, the last straw landed on the camel's back.

 

[CaughtInThe]

this wife, in Texas, was gunned down by her husband this past Sunday. it doesn't just happen once they break up...


"At the scene, police found Angelica Harris in her bedroom with a gunshot wound to the head."

Man arrested for allegedly shooting, killing his wife in Alice

At the scene, police found Angelica Harris in her bedroom with a gunshot wound to the head.

www.kiiitv.com

 

[CaughtInThe]

this 38yo girlfriend in Florida was gunned down by her boyfriend (dated for 14 years). he also gunned down another man before killing himself (remember, this goes in the suicide column).

4 kids are now orphaned.



"A man who’d been drinking and using cocaine killed his girlfriend and another man in a fit of jealous rage before fatally shooting himself, according to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office."

‘Explosive jealous temper:’ Suspect kills girlfriend, man before fatally shooting himself, deputies say

A man who’d been drinking and using cocaine killed his girlfriend and another man in a fit of jealous rage before fatally shooting himself, according to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office.

www.clickorlando.com

 

[Chomsky]

Excellent point.

The person I have in mind for the latest report on a male crash-burn was given an ultimatum a year ago. "Quit drinking, or I'm gone."

He obviously chose option "B."

In this specific case, I would venture the guy already was a crash-burner, except that his wife was propping him up. His underlying condition here is causing his problem. If he didn't have his wife as a crutch, I suspect he'd already be in worse shape.

Also, I think your observations don't show this effect is quite variable. I've seen women fall apart, too. Also, many men proactively (& happily!) dump their wives.

Now, I will say the courts generally make the women more whole in the settlement, especially with the children, which of course also leads to financial rewards. So with that in mind, I do think men are more prone to suffer, being generally being on the losing ends of the court cases. But, the effect you describe occurs on both sides of the street.

 

[ASHES]

How about Blake Leibel? That is a case that sticks with you. He tortured and murdered the mother of one of his children by scalping her, she lived for 8 hours after that.

 

[bearpoker]

Some of it is due to the inequity of divorce court. Then some is due to women being better at backstabbing their partners.

I've seen quite a few divorces in my time. In almost every one, it was the wife who turned it nasty. The guy was willing to walk away clean, the woman wanted to hurt the guy. And due to the laws of divorce court, they can.

By "walk away clean" do you mean, with all the money and property?

 

[American]

So the purpose of this thread is to point out it's always the man's fault. How pathetic. I see a lot of people that seem to have issues from their own experience.

 

[calamity]

So the purpose of this thread is to point out it's always the man's fault....

Interesting that you would personalize this in such a manner.

 

[calamity]

By "walk away clean" do you mean, with all the money and property?

The usual sticking point is someone wanting their cake and eat it too.

 

[trixare4kids]

Interesting that you would personalize this in such a manner.

Where did @American personalize it? You were talking about "men" in general, no?

 

[calamity]

Where did @American personalize it? You were talking about "men" in general, no?

Not in that it is "always the man's fault."

Pay attention. It helps prevent your posts from looking so damned desperate.

 

[gino]

What I mean by "walk away clean", is that the guys were willing to just break up and walk away without making it into a fight. It has been my experience that when a man and women break up, usually the woman makes it an ugly breakup, not the guy. Theoretically, if you are getting a divorce, you should both use the same lawyer, and split the holdings fairly. Make it simple and inexpensive. However, the typical divorce lawyer will crank up the animosity to start a fight. This prolongs the divorce and ups his fees. And due to the greater emotional nature of women, they are more prone to fall for this trap, at least IMHO.

 

[nota bene]

What I mean by "walk away clean", is that the guys were willing to just break up and walk away without making it into a fight. It has been my experience that when a man and women break up, usually the woman makes it an ugly breakup, not the guy. Theoretically, if you are getting a divorce, you should both use the same lawyer, and split the holdings fairly. Make it simple and inexpensive. However, the typical divorce lawyer will crank up the animosity to start a fight. This prolongs the divorce and ups his fees. And due to the greater emotional nature of women, they are more prone to fall for this trap, at least IMHO.

Oh, please.

 

[trixare4kids]

Not in that it is "always the man's fault."

Pay attention. It helps prevent your posts from looking so damned desperate.

So IOW, @American didn't personalize the O/P. Just as I said originally.

You're welcome.

 

[bearpoker]

What I mean by "walk away clean", is that the guys were willing to just break up and walk away without making it into a fight. It has been my experience that when a man and women break up, usually the woman makes it an ugly breakup, not the guy. Theoretically, if you are getting a divorce, you should both use the same lawyer, and split the holdings fairly. Make it simple and inexpensive. However, the typical divorce lawyer will crank up the animosity to start a fight. This prolongs the divorce and ups his fees. And due to the greater emotional nature of women, they are more prone to fall for this trap, at least IMHO.

One lawyer can't honestly represent two people with opposing interests. When one lawyer handles a divorce, he will actually represent the person who is paying him, which is usually the man.

 

[Daisy]

I would argue that the crash burning is what led to the other person wanting out. Their leaving is the final pin releasing from the grenade.

Exactly...prime example...my previous husband...his drinking got worse and worse, until I said enough is enough...we were separated a year, ready to sign the final papers when he died right beforehand of a heart attack...

 

[calamity]

So IOW, @American didn't personalize the O/P. Just as I said originally.

You're welcome.

You would be incorrect, as always.