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Difference between With Kids and No Kids

I didn't say all people who have children. I was mostly talking about people who have barely started their adult lives and they are already looking to marry and settle. Yeah, their choice and all, but it seems kind of silly.

Without knowing their life expereinces, it's impossible to determine how silly it is. And having kids early can often mean that a person can enjoy their later years far more. My parents had all three of their kids raised by their early 40's, for example. Whereas, when my child hits 20, I'll already be in my mid 50's.


I'm 25... if people think I'm sad for not having children, then they can go jump in a lake for all I care. I don't live in 1950.

Which is what many of the 25-year-olds with children probably think when you say that you are sad for them. It's easy to judge others for their choices, but IMO it's important to remember how you feel when you are judged foir your choices when you judge others for theirs.


There is more to life than marriage and kids now and I intend to live it to the fullest before I someday have children.

That's a matter of each person's perspective. My wife and I waited to have children and now I'm realizing that there's nothing more to life for me than having a family. I used to live it up when I was younger and for quite a while I didn't want children at all. Now I look back and view all that as wasted time. I'll have less time together with my kids, and then I'll have less time with my grandkids for nothing more than some vague memories of a bunch of crap that really meant nothing at all.

But that's just my perspective. Yours will naturally be different than mine. For you, there may well be more to life than marriage and children. For me, I've come to the conclusion that the time in my life that wasn't about those things was all wasted time that I'll never get back. And in many cases, I don't even have the lousy t-shirts anymore. :lol:



And FYI, this is not about judging people based on my own choices. I tend to think in terms of what might be most beneficial to children... an experienced parent with life skills and knowledge behind them. People who hold off on having kids until, say, their early 30's, are usually in a better position to fulfill that. But yeah, everyone has a different biological clock and many don't control when they get pregnant, so I recognize the flaws in my opinion.

My buddy whom I spoke of who is sick with liver disease said something interesting about that recently. He's only 33 and without a transplant, he will surely die. His daughter is 2 and a half.

When I told him that my wife and I were thinking about having a child he told me that we really should do it, and the sooner the better. His greatest fear is not of dying, it's the fact that if he dies now, he'll never see his daughter grow up. He says that he wishes that he had had kids 10 years earlier.

While he is quite young to be facing his own death so imminently, IMO he makes an amazing case for having children younger when you are less prone likely to succumb to some terminal illness.

Well yes, of course, but I don't personally believe that having a child in your early 20's is likely to deliver that.

And you are entitled to that belief. Others will surely disagree.

As someone who didn't have kids when I was younger, I can tell you I know for a fact not having kids in your 20's doesn't deliver happiness either.
 
We always get the "oh your kids are so well behaved" comments whenever we got out in public. how freakin hard is it to teach a kid to not act like a complete retard?

Pretty hard, depending on the kid.
My dad always accused me of raising "spotted-ass apes". :lol:
 
That is just dumb of you. I am not a "giver" and I do not want to be. But I know if I were ever to become a parent I would not be a bad parent. It is also surprising how many of these "givers" belive themselves as good adults when their children will eventually use drugs, get a VD, have an eating disorder, etc, etc. And why is the root of this? Because of those "givers" who are not involved in their children's lives and instead of being parents they want to become like Stalin and Stalin is not good.

Or just... because parents don't have that much control over who kids are going to turn out to be, where they're going to go, what they're going to do, or what's going to happen to them.
Especially not after kids are into their teens (when most of the misfortunes mentioned above are likely to befall a person).

It's a peculiar conceit of many parents, imagining they have that much control over another human being.
 
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That is just dumb of you. I am not a "giver" and I do not want to be. But I know if I were ever to become a parent I would not be a bad parent. It is also surprising how many of these "givers" belive themselves as good adults when their children will eventually use drugs, get a VD, have an eating disorder, etc, etc. And why is the root of this? Because of those "givers" who are not involved in their children's lives and instead of being parents they want to become like Stalin and Stalin is not good.

I'm not sure you are using the same definition of "giver" that I am. :confused:

I'm talking about parents that are willing to put their kids before themselves. They have to be willing to make sacrifices for their children.

How children turn out isn't always the result of poor parenting. Children have free will and are prone to making mistakes and poor decisions.
 
Terrible comparison. Aunts, uncles, teachers etc., get time away from the children. They get free nights. They get weekends away from their jobs. Parenting is 24/7. I haven't had a day off since my rugrats were born.

Parents never get a sitter to take their kid for a night while they go out?

Parents never let their kids stay at their grandparents for a weekend?

Parents never hire a nanny to look after their children when they can't do it themselves?
 
I get happiness and sweetness without kids just fine, thank you. And, I don't have "all the sour".

LOL

Yeah - his view and mine is so different. The kids are my stress - school's been nice and relaxing - but I'm much busier. But that's because I've spent the last 7 years *being* a stay at home Mom.
 
Parents never get a sitter to take their kid for a night while they go out?
Not every parent has the luxury of leaving their children for a long period of time.

Parents never let their kids stay at their grandparents for a weekend?
Not every parent has family near them that they can rely on.

Parents never hire a nanny to look after their children when they can't do it themselves?
Not every parent has disposable cash flow to hire a nanny.

Isolated exceptions don't prove a rule. Being a teacher, aunt or uncle, or other type of childcare provider is absolutely nothing like raising a a child of your own. I don't know that I would say, like the OP, that raising children is the most stressful thing on the planet, but it certainly has its share of moments.

I can leave work and easily not waste a second thinking about what I left on my desk until I have to return. I've diligently taken care of nieces and nephews. I'm responsible for them while they are in my care, but I don't lose any sleep over them when my sister comes to take them back home. However, even when a parent is not with their child, I promise you their kids are still on their mind.
 
Don't believe I typed I hated kids. But I knew I would get flack for starting this thread.

Yes, you can't make generalizations and I realize that. There are always exceptions but I know many here have seen the same thing I have.

Sorry to hear you don't like kids but I bet without knowing you that you have a dog or cat that is the pampered pet of the neighborhood,right?

Some of the most selfish people I've known had kids. Some people actually have them for selfish reasons, they want a mini-me. Others have them because they can't use a condom properly. Some have them because they love kids. Any of these reasons are fine, as long as the kids are well cared for.

Your first post reminded me of certain religious people who say, and appear to really believe, that people who don't believe in their God have no conscience and so are free to do whatever their devilish minds think up. Another generalization, meaning automatically that it isn't true either.

Don't be sorry for me. I'm good. I think it's you that has an issue.

We do have cats. They are better than kids. They are fun and low maintenance, and if you get tired of one or it gets sick, you just go and tie it to a tree near the swamp. Come back later and its magically gone. The local lizards love 'em.







(Just kidding about the lizard thing. Our cats are very well treated)
 
We do have cats. They are better than kids. They are fun and low maintenance, and if you get tired of one or it gets sick, you just go and tie it to a tree near the swamp. Come back later and its magically gone. The local lizards love 'em.








(Just kidding about the lizard thing. Our cats are very well treated)

My children don't shed on my clothing or crap in a box. Your cats will never mow you lawn or wash your car. I win!
 
My children don't shed on my clothing or crap in a box. Your cats will never mow you lawn or wash your car. I win!

I have seen little kids, and they will crap on anything. I bet one of them has even peed on you while you were changing his diaper, if you have a boy.

I mow myself with a riding mower. If I had a kid, he would probably destroy my mower somehow, maybe wreck it into my car. I'm pretty sure I win this one.
 
Nothing like being the icebreaker at a party....lol

Good grief. I wanted to express that you can't make generalizations and you can't.

Just as there are children-less adults that are doing super human deeds there are parents who are scum. Just lately I have noticed some people without kids who do the most whining about being so stressed out. I was't implying that everyone without a kid should be nailed to a tree.

This thread did bring out some interesting testimonials.
 
Without knowing their life expereinces, it's impossible to determine how silly it is. And having kids early can often mean that a person can enjoy their later years far more. My parents had all three of their kids raised by their early 40's, for example. Whereas, when my child hits 20, I'll already be in my mid 50's.

Which is what many of the 25-year-olds with children probably think when you say that you are sad for them. It's easy to judge others for their choices, but IMO it's important to remember how you feel when you are judged foir your choices when you judge others for theirs.




That's a matter of each person's perspective. My wife and I waited to have children and now I'm realizing that there's nothing more to life for me than having a family. I used to live it up when I was younger and for quite a while I didn't want children at all. Now I look back and view all that as wasted time. I'll have less time together with my kids, and then I'll have less time with my grandkids for nothing more than some vague memories of a bunch of crap that really meant nothing at all.

But that's just my perspective. Yours will naturally be different than mine. For you, there may well be more to life than marriage and children. For me, I've come to the conclusion that the time in my life that wasn't about those things was all wasted time that I'll never get back. And in many cases, I don't even have the lousy t-shirts anymore. :lol:





My buddy whom I spoke of who is sick with liver disease said something interesting about that recently. He's only 33 and without a transplant, he will surely die. His daughter is 2 and a half.

When I told him that my wife and I were thinking about having a child he told me that we really should do it, and the sooner the better. His greatest fear is not of dying, it's the fact that if he dies now, he'll never see his daughter grow up. He says that he wishes that he had had kids 10 years earlier.

While he is quite young to be facing his own death so imminently, IMO he makes an amazing case for having children younger when you are less prone likely to succumb to some terminal illness.



And you are entitled to that belief. Others will surely disagree.

As someone who didn't have kids when I was younger, I can tell you I know for a fact not having kids in your 20's doesn't deliver happiness either.

I know this is kind of heady, but it's the only way I can think of explaining it right now. My super ego knows it's not black and white; my ego has fixed judgments based on personal experiences and observations of people I've met. The two exist simultaneously, in this case.

Does that make more sense now?

Obviously nature allows for a wide variety of parenthood scenarios to happen. I just think some are more favorable than others.
 
I know this is kind of heady, but it's the only way I can think of explaining it right now. My super ego knows it's not black and white; my ego has fixed judgments based on personal experiences and observations of people I've met. The two exist simultaneously, in this case.

Does that make more sense now?

Obviously nature allows for a wide variety of parenthood scenarios to happen. I just think some are more favorable than others.

Fair enough.

P.S. I would ask what your id had to say on the issue, but that'd just send the conversation a totally different direction. :2razz:
 
What difference does it make if they "have it easy", in your eyes? They work for a living, they have the time, money, and desire to take a "grandiose vacation", so why the hell shouldn't they? Why should they have to do something that in your mind "warrants" it? Isn't the desire to go somewhere and spend the money you work for enough? It's their money, they work for it, why should they have to justify to you or anyone else how they spend it?

Stress or no stress, I go where I want when I have the means to do so. I don't need to have some major stressor in my life to justify going to Bonaire or Belize, or Vegas, or wherever. Having the means and desire is all the justification needed.

Because I'm allowed to bitch and complain about whatever I want to. :mrgreen:

Sounds to me more like jealousy. Like you guys think you deserve a vacation but others don't.

Sometimes absolutely, I don't get breaks like that.
I wish I did and it annoys me that I don't.
 
Fair enough.

P.S. I would ask what your id had to say on the issue, but that'd just send the conversation a totally different direction. :2razz:

At the time my id was thinking about getting something to eat... or about the date I'm going on tomorrow. I consulted with it, but it didn't have anything meaningful to add to the debate other than some grunting.
 
Crosscheck said "I just find that those without kids become very self centered and always need to get away for a weekend for stress relief. And I think What Stress?"

Which is the question that I answered.

Granted, I don't get weekends away for stress relief all that often nor have I been able to get a real vacation outside of my honeymoon. We got marrried a little more than 3 months after my dad's accident and he was still in a coma on the wedding day and when we went on our honeymoon, so that was a vacation I really, really needed at that point as I have to admit, I was very stressed out during that period of time.

I've since learned how to handle stress better than I did back then. I don't get away too often, though.

We have had similar things go on here.
Your situation is far more demanding than mine, by 1000%, but still.

I've learned how to handle it better, but I still get disappointed, when another year comes up and I'm still slogging away.
 
At the time my id was thinking about getting something to eat... or about the date I'm going on tomorrow. I consulted with it, but it didn't have anything meaningful to add to the debate other than some grunting.

:rofl :rofl
 
We always get the "oh your kids are so well behaved" comments whenever we got out in public. how freakin hard is it to teach a kid to not act like a complete retard?

It's not as simple as that. Perhaps it was for you, but maybe you got lucky and had kids that were easily influenced by mom and dad. Other parents are not so lucky and face much more demanding challenges. There are kids on the autism spectrum who will "act like a complete retard" when you least expect or want it. There are strong willed & challenging children who will smile and do the exact opposite of what you tell them. If it were truly as easy as punishing them stronger will yield better results, the world would be a much easier place. It does not work that way.

I have seen some great kids born of sh*tty parents. And I have seen some real challenges being raised by great parents. One thing I've learned is not to judge other parents (which is near impossible sometimes).
 
Because I'm allowed to bitch and complain about whatever I want to. :mrgreen:
ROFL True indeed


Sometimes absolutely, I don't get breaks like that.
I wish I did and it annoys me that I don't.
Which is why I don't have kids. ;) I completely understand why you'd be jealous of people who are able to take a vacation whenever the hell they feel like it with relative ease. But that's no reason to put us down and try and make us seem like lesser people simply because you feel trapped by your own choices on occasion. I don't have kids because I feel pretty certain that I would feel that way A LOT. I require, and I mean REQUIRE time alone. I cannot fathom having a kid around 100% of the time and never, ever getting any time to myself. I'm fairly certain I would go insane. I have a hard enough time dealing with a significant other being around all the time. (In fact, I don't deal with it all that well) And that's an adult that I can tell to give me some time alone, as opposed to a kid that I can't do that with.
 
Which is why I don't have kids. ;) I completely understand why you'd be jealous of people who are able to take a vacation whenever the hell they feel like it with relative ease. But that's no reason to put us down and try and make us seem like lesser people simply because you feel trapped by your own choices on occasion. I don't have kids because I feel pretty certain that I would feel that way A LOT. I require, and I mean REQUIRE time alone. I cannot fathom having a kid around 100% of the time and never, ever getting any time to myself. I'm fairly certain I would go insane. I have a hard enough time dealing with a significant other being around all the time. (In fact, I don't deal with it all that well) And that's an adult that I can tell to give me some time alone, as opposed to a kid that I can't do that with.

Well to clarify, it's not all childless people.

There are some whiny butt heads, that annoy me.
For the most part, it doesn't bother me that some live their lives that way.
 
Well to clarify, it's not all childless people.

There are some whiny butt heads, that annoy me.
For the most part, it doesn't bother me that some live their lives that way.

I really think people who *are* like that *were always* like that - just part of their personality. . . and would be like that if they had kids or not, no matter how their lives are.

My 2nd sister is opposite of that and always emotionally stressed - she's always been stressed out too much before and after having kids.

And those who are relaxed a little easy going are just always relaxed and easy going.
 
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