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Department of Education study finds school no long worth it

Solace

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The Department of Education recently did a study, and the results of said study are quite bleak. What are your thoughts on this?

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Department of Education released a comprehensive, nationwide evaluation of American schools Monday indicating that attempts to teach absolutely anything to these little ****s is just a huge waste of everybody's time.

"We remain committed to providing every student in the country with access to a high-quality education," said Education Secretary Arne Duncan, adding that good schools are a key component to the success of American democracy. "But to be honest, none of that matters. We're not talking about promising young scholars here—we're talking about a bunch of ****ing animals."

"We've basically flushed $11,000 down the toilet for every single one of these little bastards," Duncan continued. "Not to mention 18 years of my life."

The study, which analyzed the effectiveness of both public and private schools, found that efforts to enlighten these terrors on the subjects of math, history, grammar, and science are as productive as slamming your head into a goddamn brick wall. The research also confirmed that the unbearable ****s, who take everything for granted, consistently piss away each learning opportunity they're given.

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Hey, the Taliban took The Onion seriously -- at least according to reports from their captured computers nine years ago. Besides, all good satire contains more than a grain of truth.
 
Too close to the truth for comfort.
 
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