Dealing With Death

In my seven-teen years of life, I have been witness more than my share of deaths

I would like to start a thread based on different methods on how to deal with death.

Arch Enemy said:

In my seven-teen years of life, I have been witness more than my share of deaths

I would like to start a thread based on different methods on how to deal with death.

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Dealing with your own death or someone else’s?

oh, sorry for not explaining,

someone elses, a close friends or a family member's death.

I've lost 2 family members this year alone and my best advice is all things pass in time. I know it doesn't always work that way and I am certainly still waiting for more closure, but I am sure that in time it is easier to deal with the pain of losing a loved one.

Arch Enemy said:

oh, sorry for not explaining,

someone elses, a close friends or a family member's death.

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My grandfather passed away last year from cancer. He said that he had had a good, long life (83), and was ready to go if it was his time.

His attitude about dieing comforted the family far more than anything ells could have.

Apart from that, my attitude was: "If he is dead, then he has don what he was sent here to do. He has finished and has graduated to the next step.”

Attitude is everything.

I think funerals are good and necessary, and it can help immensely to have family and friends around you, but I also think you should hold your own, personal funeral, and honor your lost loved one in your own way, all by yourself. Whether you believe you can speak to the deceased or not, it allows you to say what you want to say, without an audience. I'm an atheist, and I've done this both times I have lost grandparents; it helped. I read my grandmother's book out loud, and thanked her for writing it, and I played my favorite song at the time for my grandfather -- even though he would have hated it, heh. But it meant a lot to me.

One of things that I have done (my best friend and my mother) and have suggested to others, is if the person it dying from a terminal illness, try to say 'goodbye' to them in whatever way you can. Have a 'last' good talk, tell them how much they mean to you, or something like that. It may sound almost morbid, but I know that it has given me great comfort (and others I have suggested it to) knowing that some important things didn't go unsaid.

After the loss, tell your strory. As much as possible. Share time with others who also feel the loss. Allow yourself to grieve, rather than forcing yourself to 'get over it'. Take care of yourself and allow others to take care of you. Honor the person in whatever way is helpful to you.

Remember the 5 Stages of Grief:
1. Denial/Shock
2. Bargaining
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

You will go through each, bounce back and forth, be in a couple at the same time. Accept that this is normal. Get some professional assistance if your distress begins to impair how you function day to day.

CoffeeSaint said:

I think funerals are good and necessary, and it can help immensely to have family and friends around you, but I also think you should hold your own, personal funeral, and honor your lost loved one in your own way, all by yourself. Whether you believe you can speak to the deceased or not, it allows you to say what you want to say, without an audience. I'm an atheist, and I've done this both times I have lost grandparents; it helped. I read my grandmother's book out loud, and thanked her for writing it, and I played my favorite song at the time for my grandfather -- even though he would have hated it, heh. But it meant a lot to me.

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That's one thing some people cannot understand about Agnostics and Atheists. Just because they don't believe, necessarily, in the after-life doesn't mean they do not communicate, meditate, or even pray--of sorts.

I wasn't as close to them as I should have been, I never really felt uncontrollable grief about it. I was fine at the funeral.

I lost my cousin last year. He was young (19). We were close when we were kids, but have been living thousands of miles appart for years. I finally got to see him in September last year, and he spent all his time with us, taking time off work just to be there,..... even while he was sick. He was one of my all-time favorite people in the world. One month later he was a passenger in a car accident. He died on the spot. The collision was so violent, that a house key he wore around his neck was bent in half. He was the only one who died inside that car (there were two others). 200 people showed up at his funeral, mostly friends. I've had people in the family die before, but I had no idea how much I cared about him until I heard the news. I am still not over it, though at least now I can control myself when I think about it. I can't even imagine how his parents and sister still feel about it.

One poster mentioned that time will help. This is very true. If the person knows they're dying, their peace with death makes it easier as well. Honestly, it is tougher to deal with the death of someone who was part of your daily routine. This is a difficult subject. Everyone will have to deal with it differently in my opinion.
Life goes on. You can't dwell on these things forever. Maybe people should talk about this possibility of death before it happens. Telling someone to go on with their life after your death, can be comforting.

Jerry said:

Dealing with your own death or someone else’s?

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Grief is kind of a selfish thing it's more about you than the deceased at least it was for me.

I've had a lot of family members and friends die. Both parents, one of my sisters, a newphew, Grandparents, 2 good freinds committed suicide.

Different each time but no less devistating.

I just try to think that they're in another life.

The deaths that have been closest to me were my father and his mother. And i never cried or really got upset at either instance. My own christian belief is that they are better off now than they were on this planet. So I envy them more than anything. Yes, I miss them, but I also know that in my own time, I will get to see them again. And that actually makes me a little happy.

Just get over it. Death is a part of life. There are no stages unless you have been brainwashed into thinking that death is some horrible thing that happens. Its just a thing, nothing more.

Celebrate the dead person. Go out and have the wake enjoying the fact that they have passed on and remembering them for who they were.

The dead person doesn't give a monkey's about being dead and nor should you.

Parmenion said:

Just get over it. Death is a part of life. There are no stages unless you have been brainwashed into thinking that death is some horrible thing that happens. Its just a thing, nothing more.

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Someone who loses another (to death) that they care about and who is important to them will feel a sense of loss and sadness at the very least. This is not brainwashing; it is a normal human grieving process. Other animals do it, too. Saying 'Its just a thing, nothing more', not only minimizes one's feelings but the impact the departed had on them. I'm not sure where all your anger around this issue comes from.

The dead person doesn't give a monkey's about being dead and nor should you.

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If I say what I really think about this statement, the thread will get sent to the basement, so let me say this. Don't tell me or anyone else how they should feel about a death; it is none of your business.

Someone who loses another (to death) that they care about and who is important to them will feel a sense of loss and sadness at the very least

Well, for the most part, I don't go through these five stages of grief. Most of the people I have seen off I am sure I will be seeing them again. My own belief that I will meet them in heaven is comfort enough to just make it feel like a loved one going off to college or something. I will see them soon enough, now, the only question, why do I have 13 loved ones waiting on me already and only be 18?