Considering Abortion :confused: (1 Viewer)

[mandiie84]

I am 22 and did not plan on getting pregnant but i did... things with me and my boy friend was great but when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant he left me for my cousin. And I didn't want the baby in the first place but now I dont know what to do. I am so confused I have nothing to do with him but i dont know if i am ready for a baby i am depressed because in a way i want my baby but then i dont i just dont know what to do. I never believed in abortions but now i dont know. I dont know if i can take of my baby the way it should be i dont know if i will hold what the baby's father did to me against the baby I just dont know anything. everyone says i shouldnt blame the baby but i feel like i will even though i dont want to. and i have considered adoption but i dont know if i could do that. Im not looking for people to tell me that abortion is wrong or anything I just want to know what others would do. i am now 20 weeks pregnant and where i live i have 3 weeks to decide if i want the baby or not. I just dont know what to do. I feel like if i have an abortion i will regret it but i also feel it i have the baby i will regret it. I think a lot of it too is im not ready to grow up and be a single mom. I saw how it was for my mom but i dont know if i could do it. I am just so confused and depressed and need help.

 

[americanwoman]

Please consider your options just because of some asshole! Even if you don't want the baby there is adoption. I have friend who had abortions and they really did regret it. They say it's true that something inside dies after an abortion. It really is your choice but I would advise to give other options a try before aborting. In the end, once you see your beautiful baby come into the world, I think you would never regret not having an abortion.

 

[talloulou]

I am 22 and did not plan on getting pregnant but i did... things with me and my boy friend was great but when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant he left me for my cousin. And I didn't want the baby in the first place but now I dont know what to do. I am so confused I have nothing to do with him but i dont know if i am ready for a baby i am depressed because in a way i want my baby but then i dont i just dont know what to do. I never believed in abortions but now i dont know. I dont know if i can take of my baby the way it should be i dont know if i will hold what the baby's father did to me against the baby I just dont know anything. everyone says i shouldnt blame the baby but i feel like i will even though i dont want to. and i have considered adoption but i dont know if i could do that. Im not looking for people to tell me that abortion is wrong or anything I just want to know what others would do. i am now 20 weeks pregnant and where i live i have 3 weeks to decide if i want the baby or not. I just dont know what to do. I feel like if i have an abortion i will regret it but i also feel it i have the baby i will regret it. I think a lot of it too is im not ready to grow up and be a single mom. I saw how it was for my mom but i dont know if i could do it. I am just so confused and depressed and need help.

If you are sincere and genuine then my best advice to you would be to talk with people who know you and your situation personally. Parents, other family members, friends. These are the people who will best be able to listen to you and help you weigh the pros and cons of the decision you face. It's a large burden to carry privately on your own. No matter which decision you make you will most likely benefit from the support of others. There are some good people on this forum but there also are some idiots and there is no real way to tell which you are getting advice from and there is absolutely no way for them to appreciate your situation and your circumstances. I hope everything works out for you and your situation and I honestly hope you have people you can lean on for support at this time regardless of which decision you make.

We all have our opinions on abortion but the thing is I would never attempt to sway a person either way unless I knew them in person. The reason being.....with a friend or family member I know I will be around to help them out. If my daughter was considering abortion I would try to talk her out of it. But I would feel comfortable doing so because I know I would be available to help her with raising the child....the same would go for my friends and other family members.

 

[FutureIncoming]

To what talloulou wrote I will add this:
Do the best you can to reach a firm decision, sooner rather than later. Because such evidence as I've encountered suggests that, should you happen to choose abortion, the later you go through with it, the worse the experience (and your long term feelings about it) will be. I'm almost certain that the hard-core anti-abortion people will want you to suffer for taking that route; thus their tactics, if you are leaning toward abortion, of interfering and delaying you from making it a firm decision --and then questioning that, too. Then they can use your awful experience (that they help create by making abortions occur as late as possible), as part of their tactics against others in your situation....

So, ignore those control-freaks and make a firm decision quickly. Then follow through. If you choose birth, then you (presumably) have months to prepare to deal with it. I might mention a friend whose daughter became pregnant several years ago, and she (not the daughter) sought out and investigated potential adoptive parents. So far as I know, it worked out for all 5 of them, and as well as they could have wanted. Thus talloulou is correct in that you might receive very useful assistance from those closest to you --even if that assistance is actually peripheral to the firm decision that you need to make. Alternatively, if you choose abortion, then in one respect you have nearly the same amount of time to prepare for it, since late-term abortions are legal, but in another (the "evidence" casually mentioned in previous paragraph), you don't.

 

[ngdawg]

You waited too long. Being indecisive is one thing-being indecisive for 5 months is something else. If this post is sincere, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, you need to 1) get some prenatal care to make sure everything is ok and 2) consider the possibility of adoption. Contact a lawyer and find out what you can do, both in terms of financial redemption (after all, there are costs involved no matter what and it takes two to make it, should take two to handle the costs) and to find out how to go about putting it up for adoption.
Be VERY cautious about any place that advertises its services to 'unwed mothers'. They have self-serving agendas and can charge money. Your state has family services that can direct you where you need to be, usually at no cost to you.
Good luck.

 

[mandiie84]

I have been to a dr while i was with my ex i went the dr when i was supposed to. Since the day i found out i was pregnant i have contemplated abortion i even talked to my ex about an abortion and he was against it but i still wasnt sure if i wanted to carry the baby to term. the state i am currently living in does abortions up to 24 weeks, and im only 20 weeks. I am just confused and dont know what to do. I have thought about keeping the baby and ive thought about abortion and adoption. i dont feel like i could give my baby up for adoption cause i dont think i could live knowing someone else is raising my baby and not knowing if my baby is being raised the way it deserves to be.

 

[Sir_Alec]

This sounds a lot like my mother's story. My Dad thought it was best to walk out on my Mom right after she became pregnant. My Mom never even considered abortion and here I am! A moderatly liberal Bisexual of a man.

 

[ngdawg]

I have been to a dr while i was with my ex i went the dr when i was supposed to. Since the day i found out i was pregnant i have contemplated abortion i even talked to my ex about an abortion and he was against it but i still wasnt sure if i wanted to carry the baby to term. the state i am currently living in does abortions up to 24 weeks, and im only 20 weeks. I am just confused and dont know what to do. I have thought about keeping the baby and ive thought about abortion and adoption. i dont feel like i could give my baby up for adoption cause i dont think i could live knowing someone else is raising my baby and not knowing if my baby is being raised the way it deserves to be.

And you think aborting would NOT weigh heavily? Just by reading this, I think it probably would. If you didn't have doubts, you would not be asking.
We can not and SHOULD not tell you what choice to make. I can tell you that you would probably feel worse aborting than giving it for adoption this late in the game, just by how you're 'speaking'. Of course it would be raised the way it should be and more. Adoptive parents are a very special breed. Their hearts so open to having a family, they cherish their adoptive kids more than most that have their own-I know this personally from so many friends and family that have adopted. That is not a place to put your concerns, trust me. Knowing that your baby is with someone who can give it so much to go forward with in life will put your mind at ease there. Again, talk to family services or a lawyer specializing in family law. There's no cost to you-private adoptions cover the monetary portions of the birth-mother's situation.
Should you really decide to abort, Planned Parenthood will counsel you as will family services. I am of the opinion, though, that you don't want to, you just see no way out of this. There are ways that would at least lessen the pain of the situation, but you have to speak out, whether to family, professionals, whomever and immediately.

 

[Calm2Chaos]

I am 22 and did not plan on getting pregnant but i did... things with me and my boy friend was great but when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant he left me for my cousin. And I didn't want the baby in the first place but now I dont know what to do. I am so confused I have nothing to do with him but i dont know if i am ready for a baby i am depressed because in a way i want my baby but then i dont i just dont know what to do. I never believed in abortions but now i dont know. I dont know if i can take of my baby the way it should be i dont know if i will hold what the baby's father did to me against the baby I just dont know anything. everyone says i shouldnt blame the baby but i feel like i will even though i dont want to. and i have considered adoption but i dont know if i could do that. Im not looking for people to tell me that abortion is wrong or anything I just want to know what others would do. i am now 20 weeks pregnant and where i live i have 3 weeks to decide if i want the baby or not. I just dont know what to do. I feel like if i have an abortion i will regret it but i also feel it i have the baby i will regret it. I think a lot of it too is im not ready to grow up and be a single mom. I saw how it was for my mom but i dont know if i could do it. I am just so confused and depressed and need help.

I got no problem whatsoever with abortion. If you think its whats best for you then I don't think there's anything wrong with it. That being said you don't sound sure as to which way to go in the least. So I think your first step has to be making a decision using all the tools at your disposal. Make sure it is a decision you can live with. talk to the people that you respect or opinions you value. If you can't nail yourself down to a decision consider alternatives such as adoption.

 

[nineplus]

First of all, (((((HUGGS))))) I've been young and unexpectedly pregnant.........it isn't an easy place to be. I wish you could be someplace else.

That said, you do have to deal with life as it now stands, all wishing and regrets aside. In order to do this I strongly feel you need someone in your real life, someone who knows you and who can really listen to you with some understanding of your situation, to help you talk your way to a decision. As well meaning as we all are, none of us can hold your hand and look into your eyes as you share your doubts and fears. This is a huge decision, either way and such big decisions really do need flesh and blood type support imho.

Is there anyone at all who you trust? Preferably someone w/o a pro/con abortion/adoption agenda? I do understand why it can be hard to turn to family or friends, but you really do need someone to be there for you in a way message board nicks cannot.

I am sorry you're in this position and will hold you up in my thoughts over the next few days. Once again, (((((HUGGS)))))

 

[Captain America]

It's a shame you can't ask your baby. I bet that, if you could, your baby would say, "Mama, please......don't. Please. I want to live. I won't let you down. Give me a chance to show you how much I can love you."

Have your baby. You will be glad you did! I guarantee. Good luck to you!

 

[steen]

Given your ambivalence toward abortion, and given that you are not sure if you want he abortion, and also per your current mood, I would strongly endorse what others have said before me, that you need to talk to people you trust.

So look into your options for support, or start planning for the abortion NOW. Those really are your options now, but please talk this through with somebody, better today than tomorrow.

My immediate impression is that you might not do well by getting an abortion, per your ambivalent mood at this time, but it is absolutely and fully your decision to make, not that of others. YOU are the expert in your own life, and nobody else are even close to be able to speak for you.

 

[steen]

Oh, and mandiie, I would ignore the hate mongering post by Captain America. His post can do nothing but hurt you in its meanness.

 

[ngdawg]

Have your baby. You will be glad you did! I guarantee. Good luck to you!

Cheap shot. Very. Cheap. Shot.
Who are YOU to tell her she'll be glad? Ever give birth? Alone?

Edited so as NOT to repeat his blatant attempt at emotional selfish persuasion.

 

[vergiss]

Mandiie, you poor thing. *hug* I wish there was something I could do to help you. You do need to talk to someone - someone as objective as you can find, neither for or against abortion. Don't fall for emotional manipulation from anyone. If I were in that very situation? I'd probably adopt it out, in an open adoption (open adoption means you can maintain contact so you know how your child is going). The best of both worlds, really, as you seem indecisive about abortion and about raising it.

However, that's just me, not you, you are your own person and no one else can decide for you. I hope you make the right decision, that you choose the path which you don't regret, whatever that choice is. If only there were an easy way to solve all this... *sigh* Feel free to PM me for my email address if you want to talk or anything. You're a strong woman - don't you ever doubt that - and you will survive all this a better person. Take care and good luck, sweetie, you'll be in my thoughts.

 

[Calm2Chaos]

It's a shame you can't ask your baby. I bet that, if you could, your baby would say, "Mama, please......don't. Please. I want to live. I won't let you down. Give me a chance to show you how much I can love you."

Have your baby. You will be glad you did! I guarantee. Good luck to you!

Well since the fetus does not have the ability to speak or understand highly organized concepts as of yet I highly doubt it would say or think anything of the sort. So lets dismiss your bad attempt at emotional blackmail against someone trying to gather information and make a decision

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

Oh, and mandiie, I would ignore the hate mongering post by Captain America. His post can do nothing but hurt you in its meanness.

His post may be strongly rooted in his ideological stance about abortion, but what about it could you possibly label as "hate mongering" or "mean"?

He's giving honest advice. The picture may be a little manipulative, but it's still a far cry from evil.

I've been staying out of this thread because I'm in no position to offer meaningful advice. The only thing I can suggest, since the original poster seems ambivalent more about her ability to care for the child than her desire to bear it, is that she speak with her family and find out how willing they are to help her, and how they feel about the situation in general.

I don't know her or her family to be able to make any predictions about that conversation. All I can do is wish her luck.

 

[talloulou]

His post may be strongly rooted in his ideological stance about abortion, but what about it could you possibly label as "hate mongering" or "mean"?

He's giving honest advice. The picture may be a little manipulative, but it's still a far cry from evil.

Your ability to point out things like this is one of the reasons I really respect you Korimyr. You are one of the few prochoicers I know I can't win with in a debate. Because you are so brutally honest and you don't shrink away from the topic and try to disguise what's being talked about with selective palatable language.

 

[Captain America]

Oh, and mandiie, I would ignore the hate mongering post by Captain America. His post can do nothing but hurt you in its meanness.

Hatemongering? Me?

Please explain. Is there something inparticular about me you hate or is it just us "breeders" as a whole?

Loving babies is hatemongering? My, how times have changed.:roll:

Just why are you so against childbirth anyways? Had your parents felt the same we wouldn't even be having this conversation. :shock:

Have a great day, just the same! Peace.

 

[Captain America]

Cheap shot. Very. Cheap. Shot.
Who are YOU to tell her she'll be glad? Ever give birth? Alone?

Edited so as NOT to repeat his blatant attempt at emotional selfish persuasion.

All I know is what I know. I know I am glad we decided not to abort. I know that I am the luckiest man alive to have my kids and know the love, from both sides, that has been a blessing in my life. I know that I would be empty without them. I know that I am glad to be alive and that my parents didn't abort me. I know that I wish everyone was as fortunant as I am in these regards.

If my post come across as anything otherwise, please accept my humble apology. I was just putting in my 2 cents.

Perhaps this will help to explain my love for babies. This is my new grandson.:smile:

On the other hand, perhaps not. These days, hearts are so hardened. That's sad. Really sad.

 

[ngdawg]

All I know is what I know. I know I am glad we decided not to abort. I know that I am the luckiest man alive to have my kids and know the love, from both sides, that has been a blessing in my life. I know that I would be empty without them. I know that I am glad to be alive and that my parents didn't abort me. I know that I wish everyone was as fortunant as I am in these regards.

If my post come across as anything otherwise, please accept my humble apology. I was just putting in my 2 cents.

Perhaps this will help to explain my love for babies. This is my new grandson.:smile:


On the other hand, perhaps not. These days, hearts are so hardened. That's sad. Really sad.

We can wish for others all we want. What that was was an underhanded attempt to sway someone your way. I have kids-twins that took 10 years to get here. But I'm not here to try and persuade her one way or another-we all have to live with our own choices and as seen here, some can't and take it out on everyone else.
If I had 16 kids, I'm not going to tell everyone else to have 16 kids and if I had none, I'm not going to try and persuade everyone to do the same.
We should advise, educate and hopefully steer them to places that can help out, but never EVER put ourselves and OUR lives in their faces and demand they do as we do. That is not fair to them and makes the one pushing for their own choices to be followed look pompous and yes, hardened of heart.

 

[steen]

His post may be strongly rooted in his ideological stance about abortion, but what about it could you possibly label as "hate mongering" or "mean"?

He's giving honest advice. The picture may be a little manipulative, but it's still a far cry from evil.

manipulating somebody who asks for help very much fits the bill.

 

[Captain America]

Well, maybe the poster should just follow steen's lead then and just ignore my input. Just go have the lil' parasitic piece of tissue sucked out. You'll feel all good about it tomorrow. :roll:

Excuse me for having a positive opinion towards babies and being such a "hatemonger."

 

[Captain America]

Here is a picture of a lil' tricycle motor at 20 weeks.

Is that cute or what?

 

[Synch]

I support abortion rights. It aborts liberal babies.(to be aborted babies are usually born into poverty, and stay there, so they tend to vote Democrat)