Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country
October 12, 2005
WASHINGTON, DC—In response to increasing criticism of his handling of the war in Iraq and the disaster in the Gulf Coast, as well as other issues, such as Social Security reform, the national deficit, and rising gas prices, President Bush is expected to appoint someone to run the U.S. as soon as Friday.
Bush presents his shortlist for the Secretary of the Nation post.
"During these tumultuous times, America is in need of a bold, resolute person who can get the job done," said Bush during a press conference Monday. "My fellow Americans, I assure you that I will appoint just such a person with all due haste."
The Cabinet-level position, to be known as Secretary of the Nation, was established by an executive order Sept. 2, but has remained unfilled in the intervening weeks.
"I've been talking to folks from all across this country, from Louisiana to Los Angeles, and people tell me the same thing: This nation needs a strong, compassionate leader," Bush said. "In response to these concerns, I'm making this a top priority. I will name a good, qualified person as soon as possible."
Among the new secretary's duties are preserving, protecting, and defending the Constitution of the United States, commanding the U.S. armed forces, appointing judges and ambassadors, and vetoing congressional legislation. The secretary will also be tasked with overseeing all foreign and domestic affairs, including those relating to the economy, natural disasters, national infrastructure, homeland security, poverty, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The secretary will report directly to the president.
For weeks, members of both political parties have been urging Bush to fill the post.
"Every day the president waits is another day he's accountable for needless deaths at home and abroad, the stagnating economy, and the threat of terrorism," Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said. "This post is far too vital to be left vacant. Mr. President, there is no reason to delay."
"I applaud the president's decision to find a strong leader for our country, but it's imperative that he make his selection soon," said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), adding that he and all Democrats hope to work closely with the new national executive.
"In the spirit of bipartisanship, we will welcome the new secretary," Reid said. "Together, we will strive for a new dawn of American politics, one unmarred by partisan bickering between Congress and the White House."
According to a nationwide poll conducted by the Cook Political Report, the majority of U.S. citizens find the question of national leadership to be highly significant, with 61 percent of respondents "strongly" believing that the country is suffering from a leadership vacuum. Fifty-four percent said they trusted Bush to find an appointee who will be able to effectively manage the country.
While many Beltway insiders have named senators Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ) as likely candidates, White House sources revealed that Bush may be leaning toward a stalwart loyalist. The list reportedly includes fellow Yale graduates, Midland, TX business associates, and various GOP fundraisers with connections to the Bush family.
"Despite their inexperience in government, they've clearly passed the Bush character test," said a White House staffer who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "I think the president is looking for someone he's comfortable with and can trust, above all else. A [former FEMA director] Michael Brown type, or maybe even Brown himself."
Bush said the creation of the Secretary of the Nation post directly addresses the increasingly complex and sometimes overwhelming challenges facing the executive branch in the 21st century. Although he acknowledged that the tasks facing the new appointee will be extraordinary, Bush ended his announcement on a positive note.
"As your president, it is my duty to see this nation through any crisis, no matter how severe. And as your president, I pledge to you that I will find a man capable of doing just that," Bush said. "I will not—I repeat, I will not—let you down."
Quid Pro Quo said:
Quid Pro Quo said:It was meant as satire and nothing more, Donkey. Relax, take your Cialis, and enjoy the little laugh.
Don't take it seriously...Donkey1499 said:That site is retarded. It's got links to articles about Kerry Campaigners have sex wit each other. Who cares? I choose to not believe this article. If Fox or NBC reported it, then maybe, but not from a goofball site like that. Sorry.
cnredd said:Don't take it seriously...
The Onion is a goof site...They purposefully create articles just for fun...:2wave:
Pesonally, I read it for the "American Voices" section...cracks me up....
Girl, if there is any doubt in your mind as to what time it is, let me break it down for you: It is time for you to get Smooved.
Aw, baby, I know that I had said some things that made you mad, but I am extremely sorry. If you just come on home, I will make it up to you. I will take you to new stratospheres of love. I will sex you wild.
To make up for all the foolish things I said, tomorrow night, I will escort you to my crib, where I will prepare for you a romantic meal comprised of succulent lobster from the finest sea. We will both eat the lobster and enjoy a side dish of rice with it. There will also be a baked potato waiting for you, and some butter for you to place upon that potato. In addition, there will be sour cream, which you may also put on the potato if you so desire.
I will also serve juice.
Then, when we have each finished eating our meals, I will lay your body down on a bedsheet comprised of 100 percent silk, which I will purchase in advance from the finest store in this city. Then, just before we freak, I will inquire as to how you like the feel of the sheets. If you inform me that you do not like it, I will travel to other cities around the world until I locate a store that sells sheets that are more to your satisfaction. Then, I will purchase those sheets and return home to put them on the bed for you.
It is then that I will hit you doggy-style.
While I am freaking you, I will whisper various things in your ear. Some of the phrases I will say to you are, "Baby, you are my everything," "You feel so good, I can't stand it," and, "Girl, ride me." There will also be candles and a CD featuring the music of Keith Sweat to create an atmosphere of unbridled romance, making you wet.
This is how you will get Smooved.
Just say the word, and we will share interplanetary cocoa love until the break of dawn. We will bump across the galaxy, exploring the known solar system with our passion. We will journey to places even the astronomers have never been. We will bump to Pluto, as well as to the moon.
When we are through with the lovemaking aspect of our romantic evening together, I will still continue to attend to your needs. If you wish a grape to be placed in your mouth, I will place one there. It does not matter whether you want a purple grape or a white grape, as I will supply myself with grapes of both colors.
If you would like to be massaged with scented oils, I will appear behind you and do so. I will make sure to rub your neck and shoulders lovingly, neither rubbing so hard as to be painful, nor so soft as to be ineffectual for massaging purposes.
Aw, girl, I want to throw you on the floor right now and ride you hard.
To summarize my feelings, I love you, and that fact is inscrutable. If you could only find it in your heart to forgive me for all the foolish things I did and said, we could take a magical voyage to Atlantis together, sailing on a caravan of love. Just say the word, and I will sting you. I will Smoove you.
All night long
And you didn't provide a link?Quid Pro Quo said:Here is my favorite Columnist from the Onion:
Get Smooved bySmoove B
So far, you started a thread in the wrong section, was late on providing a link to it, then when posting another article, you forgot the link altogether...Quid Pro Quo said:Well, you know you've ****'d up if redd is reading you the law. Crap. I keep forgetting to do it, perhaps it's that last bit of rebel in me.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37319
Quid Pro Quo said:*sighs and hangs his head* Hand me a Cialis, Donk.
galenrox said:dude, it's the Onion, it's satire. They had an article about a giant little girl terrorizing the white house by using the members of the Bush administration as toys. It's not meant to be taken seriously.
galenrox said:dude, it's the Onion, it's satire. They had an article about a giant little girl terrorizing the white house by using the members of the Bush administration as toys. It's not meant to be taken seriously.
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