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As the worm turns...

So I couldn't help myself. I called Tom last night and asked him if he wanted to talk. Yes, he said. I said I'd come pick him up and he said he was at his brother's house. Since his brother was sitting right next to me, I put him on the phone to say hello. WTFs wrong with him?

So I said, "Please Tom just tell me if it's over for real."

"I never wanted it to be over. You're the one who threw ME out." So yes, he said, come get me. Give me about an hour to get some of my things together.

So I picked him up. Helped him put bags in his car. Gave Marta a hug and said, "I hope Tom and I can work things out. He really does belong with me for now."

I was cautiously optimistic that we could work things out. Told him I took some of the blame too for our troubles. That I was going to try harder. That I hope we'd spent the summer going to the weekend fests and concerts. Travel short hops. Have fun.

Then somehow the conversation turned to all the changes I'd made to cut him out of my life. When I told him the atty had just filed papers taking his name off the house, he looked at me and said, "If I'm not getting your house, there's no reason for me to be here." Said if he had to move when I died, he'd be homeless, so he may as well be homeless now.

I drove him back to Marta's house. I called her first to ask her permission and told her why I was doing that. She reluctantly said yes. When I drove in her driveway, I helped to take the bags he'd loaded into my car and put them on the side so I wouldn't roll over them when I backed out.

She came out of the house, leaned into the car window and said, "If you think he's going to come back, baby sit you, take care of you when you are dying, walk your dog, take care of your pets all for NOTHING? You're out of your mind. You should put his name right back on your house."

I felt the right response was **** YOU and drove home.
 

nota bene

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Does this say it all, Maggie? ""If I'm not getting your house, there's no reason for me to be here."
 

LadyMoonlight

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Please tell me it's finally over, Maggie. When I started reading I thought, damn, Maggie is going to be a sucker and be sorry for a huge mistake, but, I was heartened when I read your last line. Kudos to you for trying, for not giving up hope as so many people immediately do. Now, after what that creature he is shacked up with said, you can move on. I wish you the best for the future.
 

reinoe

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, I helped to take the bags he'd loaded into my car and put them on the side so I wouldn't roll over them when I backed out.
I don't think a jury in the world would have convicted you if you decided to back over him and his stuff and confessed to doing it on purpose.

Good lord, I always suspected he was scumbag but just wasn't sure. But now you know for certain that it really was all about the money. I feel skeezy and grimy just reading that. I hope you can find the strength to overcome this and be around your friends and family for the support you need.
 

DaveFagan

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Maggie, you need someone, but it's not Tom. Find someone facing a similar reality as your own and adopt (metaphorically) that person. Get involved in caring for another for humanitarian reasons and trust kharma to babysit you. Fight fire with fire. Move on! Everytime that you help that other person, you will feel good inside, and it is inside where your feelings are. You can only touch them emotionally, not physically. Lots of love, DaveFagan
 

Risky Thicket

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"Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key" ~ The Eagles

Mags, I know your pain is close to unbearable. All of us are at times attached to things we can no longer have. The attachment torments us unmercifully and the pain never seems to end. Frequently we want to continue to hold on to the very thing that causes us great pain. As a result the pain continues almost endlessly and yet often we don't know what else to do to end it. Frequently we remain attached because we fear the alternative might somehow be worse. The condition and our behavior is normal but it damn sure isn't desirable.

There is an apocryphal story about trapping a monkey. I believe all of us at times have been the monkey and none of us enjoyed it. We never will.

The story, depending on the storyteller, is about how local people trap monkeys in the jungle.

Up in a tree the monkey trappers bore a hole in a coconut just large enough for a monkey to stick his hand in. Inside the coconut they place a sweet rice ball. (Apparently monkeys love sweet rice balls.) Smelling the sweet rice ball a monkey climbs the tree, finds the coconut and shoves his hand in the hole to retrieve the rice ball. Unfortunately holding the rice ball in his closed hand the hole is too small for the monkey to remove his fist without dropping the rice.

The monkey has 3 options:

1. Hold on to the rice ball refusing to let go until the money is caught.
2. Hold on to the rice ball until totally exhausted the monkey momentarily releases the rice ball and falls out of the tree and is caught.
3. Let go of the rice ball thus freeing himself from the trap.

None of the solutions are painless. One solution ends the pain much faster than the other two.

You are a good person, Mags. We know that. None of us want to see you in pain. I don't think any of us like Tom. I think you love the Tom who was but not the Tom who is. The Tom who is is a trap that causes you great pain.
 

Lutherf

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He said that?

Damn!

Hell of a point in your life to get that kind of wake up call but DAMN what an ass that guy is. It's beyond me how someone could possibly be that self centered.
 

rabbitcaebannog

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Maggie, your gut instinct has been correct. Now it is death by a thousand paper cuts to try and verify. Believe it or not, the urge to continue to verify may keep coming back hence the paper cut reference. Life is too short. Don't stunt your quality of life over the need to keep cutting.
 

haymarket

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I hope this is the final straw for you. This guy and his floozy are pieces of work. Flush the damn toilet already and don't give a moment thought about where the crap went.
 

TheGoverness

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Oh my God. I almost don't have any words. I can't believe that asshole said that **** to you.

I'm so sorry, Mags. The pain you must be going through right now.... :(
 

cuban smokes

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"If I'm not getting your house, there's no reason for me to be here."

that is the ONLY THING you need to know about this ****ing asshat ............. drop him like a scalded turd, turn around 180 degrees, don't look back, and keep goin' ............ and all the while you will know you did the right thing by getting yourself away from a complete waste of humanity ...........
 

MaggieD

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Sometimes I wish we had a Like button and a Love one, too. Thank you all for your support. So much good and kind information...

It's hard, but I'm doing my best. I'm trying to look at it as "The man I think/thought I was in love with doesn't exist and may NEVER have existed." Trying to keep busy within my health limitations. That's helpful. And DAMN! Is this house ever clean. ;)
 

Middleground

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You deserve so much better, Maggie. You simply cannot allow yourself to be treated like dirt in the best of times. You are so much better than that. I know how difficult it must be to cut the cord after being with the same person for such a long time. But I feel it's what you must do. I think you'll be much better off surrounding yourself with the people who truly love you.
 

<alt>doxygen

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nota bene;bt3984 said:
Does this say it all, Maggie? ""If I'm not getting your house, there's no reason for me to be here."

No s**t. The whole story in one sentence. I'm hoping Maggie is done with the lying, cheating leech.

This is all so horrible, even when one doesn't take into account Maggie's condition. Adding her condition turns it into a white phosphorus bath.

Maggie, I feel so bad for you. We'll always be here. Anything we can do, let us know.
 

Hawkeye10

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Sometimes people crap out on us, a lot of times we wont know why, but there are other times when we look at the people they are listening to we know....
 

DiAnna

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There are no words. I'm just so very sorry that he felt the need to throw his cruelty into your face. *hugs*
 

longview

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Maggie, you are kind beyond words, If you had treated him the way he treats you, you would not have mentioned
you took his name off the house, and let him find out on his own later!
I hope you find someone worthy of your kindness!
 

MaggieD

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Longview, good pickup. Actually, the thought occurred to me. Tit for tat, as it were. But someone once told me, "Maggie, don't let someone else's bad behavior cause you to change who YOU are..."

Thank you for noticing.
 
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