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Are religious beliefs important when looking for a partner?

Lucian Hodoboc

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When you start dating someone with the goal of establishing a long-term relationship that might lead to marriage, how important are their religious beliefs for you? Would you date someone you liked and got along well with if they adhered to a different religion and were pretty obvious about trying to convert you? Do you think a relationship would work if the partners were believers, but belonged to different religions (e.g. Christian and Buddhist) or different denominations of the same religion (e.g. Orthodox and Protestant)?
 
I’d argue that it isn’t religion that prevents relationships from working, it’s people. We know it’s possible for long-term relationships between people of different religions to work because there are plenty of real examples out there. It’s also demonstrably possible for relationships to break up over differences of socio-political opinions that have nothing to do with any religion at all. It two people really want to be together, they’ll find a way to accommodate all their differences one way or another.

Active efforts to convert feel like a different matter and while it’s perfectly understandable to want your partner to share in your religion and it can be raised though I’d expect it to be relatively early in the relationship, certain before marriage is being considered. It doesn’t feel healthy for a relationship if it’s a ongoing pressure.
 
If it is required that one MUST fully adopt the religion of the other, then no. It would be too miserable, if not impossible, to pretend to be very religious for a religion you do not actually believe.

If both are FULLY tolerant of a significant religious difference between them, then yes it can work just fine.
 
When you start dating someone with the goal of establishing a long-term relationship that might lead to marriage, how important are their religious beliefs for you? Would you date someone you liked and got along well with if they adhered to a different religion and were pretty obvious about trying to convert you? Do you think a relationship would work if the partners were believers, but belonged to different religions (e.g. Christian and Buddhist) or different denominations of the same religion (e.g. Orthodox and Protestant)?

While I can be friends with a broad scope of people, I don't think I could ever be in relationship with a religious person, or someone that didn't share similar political views. I'm too passionate about both subjects for it to work. Here, people don't have to put up with me 24/7. I'm often playing Richard Dawkins and Secular Talk vids over YouTube, something that anyone living with me ends up getting subjected to. I've actually put a great deal of thought into this, and with the way I am, and what any spouse would have to put up with, I think I'd end up getting shanked in my sleep, lol.

I don't ussually have a problem with friends and acquaintances on this front, but I'm basically barred from talking about politics by some family members. As soon as someone says, 'How 'bout them Cardinals?' it's a signal for me to shut the **** up.
 
When you start dating someone with the goal of establishing a long-term relationship that might lead to marriage, how important are their religious beliefs for you? Would you date someone you liked and got along well with if they adhered to a different religion and were pretty obvious about trying to convert you? Do you think a relationship would work if the partners were believers, but belonged to different religions (e.g. Christian and Buddhist) or different denominations of the same religion (e.g. Orthodox and Protestant)?
I think that it is important to avoid freaks no matter what they believe or do not believe.
 
While I can be friends with a broad scope of people, I don't think I could ever be in relationship with a religious person, or someone that didn't share similar political views. I'm too passionate about both subjects for it to work. Here, people don't have to put up with me 24/7. I'm often playing Richard Dawkins and Secular Talk vids over YouTube, something that anyone living with me ends up getting subjected to. I've actually put a great deal of thought into this, and with the way I am, and what any spouse would have to put up with, I think I'd end up getting shanked in my sleep, lol.

I don't ussually have a problem with friends and acquaintances on this front, but I'm basically barred from talking about politics by some family members. As soon as someone says, 'How 'bout them Cardinals?' it's a signal for me to shut the **** up.

How 'bout them Cardinals?
 
Absolutely paramount. I wouldn’t even have considered dating my wife if our beliefs were not compatible. It’s not that it could not work, but it’s too much risk IMO. Far too many compatible partners to even waste time with it.
 
Absolutely paramount. I wouldn’t even have considered dating my wife if our beliefs were not compatible. It’s not that it could not work, but it’s too much risk IMO. Far too many compatible partners to even waste time with it.

Agreed...been there, done that...got the T-shirt to prove it...
 
Absolutely paramount. I wouldn’t even have considered dating my wife if our beliefs were not compatible. It’s not that it could not work, but it’s too much risk IMO. Far too many compatible partners to even waste time with it.

Meh...it depends on what type of people are involved. My wife is Baptist, I'm Lutheran - not exactly "gentile and Jew", but close enough. ;) We don't argue about religious differences ever, and have worked out a way to expose our son to both points of view, so when he's old enough he can decide for himself. Love and mutual respect go a long way.

Thing is, you can easily get along with people who's beliefs differ, so long as both people respect each other's differences, and haven't deluded themselves into thinking they have all the answers. :shrug:

Some people can do that, others cannot. I would expect that those who cannot would be a pain in the ass to deal with on any front, even if matched perfectly religiously. To me that's the bigger thing to watch out for.
 
Meh...it depends on what type of people are involved. My wife is Baptist, I'm Lutheran - not exactly "gentile and Jew", but close enough. ;) We don't argue about religious differences ever, and have worked out a way to expose our son to both points of view, so when he's old enough he can decide for himself. Love and mutual respect go a long way.

Thing is, you can easily get along with people who's beliefs differ, so long as both people respect each other's differences, and haven't deluded themselves into thinking they have all the answers. :shrug:

Some people can do that, others cannot. I would expect that those who cannot would be a pain in the ass to deal with on any front, even if matched perfectly religiously. To me that's the bigger thing to watch out for.

So, did you do infant baptism (Lutheran) or "age of accountability" baptism around age 13 (Baptist) for your children?
 
So, did you do infant baptism (Lutheran) or "age of accountability" baptism around age 13 (Baptist) for your children?

My son is 6, and he is unbaptized.

Good pickup on what the main issue would be, though...hehe...

My side of the family was disappointed, but ultimately the timing of baptism doesn't impact one's chance of being saved, so it wasn't a fight I was willing to have. And while my side of the family was disappointed, hers would have set the town on fire, so...hehe... We chose peace.
 
My son is 6, and he is unbaptized.

Good pickup on what the main issue would be, though...hehe...

My side of the family was disappointed, but ultimately the timing of baptism doesn't impact one's chance of being saved, so it wasn't a fight I was willing to have. And while my side of the family was disappointed, hers would have set the town on fire, so...hehe... We chose peace.

Understandably. My best friend was a Baptist, and he married a girl whose father and brother were both Episcopalian priests. Both had "fallen away," so it didn't matter...until they had kids and one side of the family expected there to be a christening and fighting broke out. There never was for either boy, and the thinking was that the boys could choose on their own. They did. They weren't ever taken to church, so they have never gone.
 
When you start dating someone with the goal of establishing a long-term relationship that might lead to marriage, how important are their religious beliefs for you? Would you date someone you liked and got along well with if they adhered to a different religion and were pretty obvious about trying to convert you? Do you think a relationship would work if the partners were believers, but belonged to different religions (e.g. Christian and Buddhist) or different denominations of the same religion (e.g. Orthodox and Protestant)?

I'm a Protestant and my husband is Catholic. We've done well for 23 years. We respect each others beliefs.
 
Understandably. My best friend was a Baptist, and he married a girl whose father and brother were both Episcopalian priests. Both had "fallen away," so it didn't matter...until they had kids and one side of the family expected there to be a christening and fighting broke out. There never was for either boy, and the thinking was that the boys could choose on their own. They did. They weren't ever taken to church, so they have never gone.

That's too bad... My little guy goes to church. My anxiety makes it tough to go, but my wife goes regularly. I figure whatever theological differences we have can be sorted out when the boy is a bit older...so long as you stay away from the really crazy places, it really doesn't matter where they go to Sunday School, as long as it is a positive experience. :)
 
Meh...it depends on what type of people are involved. My wife is Baptist, I'm Lutheran - not exactly "gentile and Jew", but close enough. ;) We don't argue about religious differences ever, and have worked out a way to expose our son to both points of view, so when he's old enough he can decide for himself. Love and mutual respect go a long way.

Thing is, you can easily get along with people who's beliefs differ, so long as both people respect each other's differences, and haven't deluded themselves into thinking they have all the answers. :shrug:

Some people can do that, others cannot. I would expect that those who cannot would be a pain in the ass to deal with on any front, even if matched perfectly religiously. To me that's the bigger thing to watch out for.

There is more to a life time intimate relationship and raising children than simply respecting someone beliefs. I wouldn’t consider Lutheran and Baptist to be that far apart. You’re arguing over petty minutiae IMO. You’ll argue just as much over what bed sheets to buy.
 
There is more to a life time intimate relationship and raising children than simply respecting someone beliefs. I wouldn’t consider Lutheran and Baptist to be that far apart. You’re arguing over petty minutiae IMO. You’ll argue just as much over what bed sheets to buy.

Depends on who you ask - some people, including her folks, would suggest that's a bridge too far. But my wife and I would tend to agree with you. :) Managing conflicting family expectations is a pain, but when isn't it? :) Certainly religion isn't the only subject that inspires that drama.
 
Not really an issue for me.....I'm a Pantheist, and my wife is Wiccan, but we both started out differently.

I think it would be problematic however, being in a relationship with someone that demanded you convert to their belief system, or was constantly pushing it onto you.
 
They weren't an issue in mine and my wife's relationship. One an atheist, one a Christian. No arguments whatsoever regarding matters of religion in 54 years. She took the kids to church. I stayed home. No fuss, no muss. Both kids turned out be agnostics.
 
There is more to a life time intimate relationship and raising children than simply respecting someone beliefs. I wouldn’t consider Lutheran and Baptist to be that far apart. You’re arguing over petty minutiae IMO. You’ll argue just as much over what bed sheets to buy.

Religious beliefs of the doctrinal differences as great as heaven and hell are not "petty minutiae" to many people.
 
Religious beliefs of the doctrinal differences as great as heaven and hell are not "petty minutiae" to many people.

Exactly...it depends entirely of where one's faith ranks in one's life...some put more value on it than others evidently...
 
Religious beliefs of the doctrinal differences as great as heaven and hell are not "petty minutiae" to many people.

Sure if you say it like that. But I know of no such great doctrinal difference of heaven and hell between Lutherans and Baptist.
 
I'm a Protestant and my husband is Catholic. We've done well for 23 years. We respect each others beliefs.

While I understand and I congratulate you on your lovely marital relationship, some Christians would argue that true faith outweighs respect and transcends into the realm of love. If someone is certain that someone else's doctrine might jeopardize their significant other's salvation, then it would be an act of selfishness on the former's part to passively assist to the latter's heretical beliefs without trying to interfere. The more so when said "someone else" is their spouse.
 
While I understand and I congratulate you on your lovely marital relationship, some Christians would argue that true faith outweighs respect and transcends into the realm of love. If someone is certain that someone else's doctrine might jeopardize their significant other's salvation, then it would be an act of selfishness on the former's part to passively assist to the latter's heretical beliefs without trying to interfere. The more so when said "someone else" is their spouse.

Oh, I don't know. I appreciate your thoughts, but I think God just wants you to be happy, and follow Him. You can do both, even if your spouse is a *chuckles* heretic.
 
Of course they are. I'm essentially agnostic. I wouldn't care if someone else was religious as long as they didn't bother me with it.

You go to church on Sunday. I'll go for my morning run then get out my vape pen, than you very much. And no grace at the table!



That said it doesn't matter anymore because my wife is also technically Jewish but we're both completely non-religious. We still go to the various parents' houses for half-assed Passover dinners (I can't even remember how to spell the actual name for such a dinner.....), but none of the families really seem to believe.
 
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