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Are men capable of being good parents?

Are men capable of being good parentls?

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    51
Decypher said:
Why do you think a charming person is a bad person? To be charming just means you put people at ease. Anyone who think that’s manipulative possesses no social skills.
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No, it’s true that you have to be a little on guard with the charming or charismatic people.

www.inc.com

It's Time to Stop Celebrating Charisma

'Charisma' is often just narcissism in disguise.
www.inc.com www.inc.com
 
Decypher said:
Why do you think a charming person is a bad person? To be charming just means you put people at ease. Anyone who think that’s manipulative possesses no social skills.
Click to expand...
Really wouldn't agree with that definition or assessment.

Charisma lowers people's defense mechanisms by taking shortcuts. It's a mockery of wisdom.

Wisdom lowers defense mechanism by captivating people with epics, legends, and marathons. It inspires a long-term view of life which shows with certainty how conditions are reliable.

Charisma does the exact opposite. It lowers defense mechanisms by exciting people with jokes, comedy, and humor. It toys with a short-term view on life which shows with uncertainty how situations are unreliable.

Charisma is a mockery of real social skills. The problem is if a society becomes infected by that mockery, then those with social skills will appear to lack them while those who lack them will appear to have them...

...until society gets so dominated by the mockery that the mockery cannibalizes itself. Charisma needs wisdom to mock. Once there isn't enough wisdom to go around, charismatic people start mocking each other which makes the social structure implode from a lack of long-term consideration.
 
Monica33 said:
Not sure whether Parentls is another of the Loony Left's stupid new pronouns .
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Nah, just looks like a sloppy use of the keyboard keys and/or lack of concentration.

Stupid question too imo

BTW " loons " are to be found in all camps
 
XDU said:
The only propaganda I have to offer is how half of kids are had out of wedlock.

Tons of children end up getting born unto mothers who make bad decisions because they put charisma before wisdom.
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It is next to impossible to honestly engage in a discussion on this topic. Men can openly be associated with the size and shape of attraction
beyond their judgment, but women?

Not so much!

From the script of the film, "Legally Blonde" page 67
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 66. 88 CONTINUED: 8E
51893838768_751932739e_b.jpg
 
With the right attitude, then hell yes men can be good fathers.
 
post said:
It is next to impossible to honestly engage in a discussion on this topic. Men can openly be associated with the size and shape of attraction
beyond their judgment, but women?

Not so much!

From the script of the film, "Legally Blonde" page 67
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 66. 88 CONTINUED: 8E
BROOKE I loved him!
DONOVAN He was thirty-four years older than you. That doesn't sound so good to a jury.
Now she's pissed.
BROOKE Then show them a picture of his ****. They might put a few things together.
Everyone stiffens except for Elle, who laughs out loud.
DONOVAN , . Brooke, I believe you. But a jury is gonna want an alibi.
BROOKE I can't give you that. And if you put me on the stand, I'll lie.
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This thread is about men as parents, not women as parents.

The question has to deal with how those men who become fathers are identified as deserving to become fathers. Who identifies them?
 
Other. Is the alternative to having fathers in the home “safety net” assistance from the government?
 
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XDU said:
This thread is about men as parents, not women as parents.

The question has to deal with how those men who become fathers are identified as deserving to become fathers. Who identifies them?
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I don't even think any man knows how or if he will consistently meet his parental responsibilties.
Have you ever been a father, especially one in a failed relationship with the mother of your child?

I have. It wasn't easy. I met my obligations, both financial and in an active, present role.

My only child finally became a parent earlier this month, at a much older age than I was.
His partner and mother of their child earns a lot more money and has a much higher net worth than my son,
an inner city public schools teacher. She looks forward to 6 months fully paid, family leave, he has brief, partially
paid leave per his teachers' union contract. Their baby starts off with the impression he is a smaller presence, as
he works outside their home for lesser compensation. Mom will return to work in her at-home-office as she has
since Trump's pandemic response began....

That is what this new mother can count on, her own resources and income earning ability. Knowing about
the challenges these two new parents face and about the quality and consistency of the example I've set as a father,
and of my son's character and record, I cannot assure the new mother of my grandchild she should have no doubt my
son will meet her expectations as a father. Life just doesn't work like that.
 
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XDU said:
Really wouldn't agree with that definition or assessment.

Charisma lowers people's defense mechanisms by taking shortcuts. It's a mockery of wisdom.

Wisdom lowers defense mechanism by captivating people with epics, legends, and marathons. It inspires a long-term view of life which shows with certainty how conditions are reliable.

Charisma does the exact opposite. It lowers defense mechanisms by exciting people with jokes, comedy, and humor. It toys with a short-term view on life which shows with uncertainty how situations are unreliable.

Charisma is a mockery of real social skills. The problem is if a society becomes infected by that mockery, then those with social skills will appear to lack them while those who lack them will appear to have them...

...until society gets so dominated by the mockery that the mockery cannibalizes itself. Charisma needs wisdom to mock. Once there isn't enough wisdom to go around, charismatic people start mocking each other which makes the social structure implode from a lack of long-term consideration.
Click to expand...
The majority of social interactions are brief or repetitive. Either with strangers and acquaintances or family and colleagues. As such, jokes, compliments and anecdotes are far more useful and appropriate than long-winded wisdom. Anyone who hands out lectures about legends in casual conversation is utterly tedious company.

Charisma isn’t rooted in mockery. A wry shared smile perhaps at the pomposity of others but nothing malicious. As I said, charming people puts them at ease as it also may do so for the charmer. Lots of people are uncomfortable in social situations so a quick joke can relax two nervous people at a party, for example. Particularly if some bore has just subjected them to a diatribe on wisdom.
 
post said:
I don't even think any man knows how or if he will consistently meet his parental responsibilties.
Have you ever been a father, especially one in a failed relationship with the mother of your child?

I have. It wasn't easy. I met my obligations, both financial and in an active, present role.

My only child finally became a parent earlier this month, at a much older age than I was.
His partner and mother of their child earns a lot more money and has a much higher net worth than my son,
an inner city public schools teacher.

That is what this new mother can count on, her own resources and income earning ability. Knowing about
the challenges these two new parents face and about the quality and consistency of the example I've set as a father,
and of my son's character and record, I cannot assure the new mother of my grandchild she should have no doubt my
son will meet her expectations as a father. Life just doesn't work like that.
Click to expand...
There's a lot of unprincipled neighborhoods these days where people haven't taken the time, energy, and attention to figure out right and wrong together. They suppose situational ethics are OK, but they don't get how everyone's approach to the same situations isn't the same. When we stuck a bunch of people into the same situation to socialize and meet new people to form future families, that lack of advance understanding creates problems.

My wife and I dated for a long time before coming to a mutual understanding on principles because of this. She wasn't Catholic and came from a rather anti-Catholic family which thought Catholics were the type to not practice what's preached and just defer to authorities in exchange for money. I had to prove to her and her parents that wasn't my case.

When we had kids, we took the time to talk with them about this. We didn't raise them to be good people. We raised them to understand how everyone doesn't agree on what's good, how to be good, or if they're even willing to be good. Our children became good people from understanding how life is simple, but living among others is hard.

It made my role as a father a lot easier because our children innately understood the value of discipline to navigate a crazy world. They would approach us with problems and we'd talk with them like adults. We'd also talk with them to understand most people aren't adults. "If you talk with them like we talked with you, people won't want to be around you," came up a lot.
 
Decypher said:
The majority of social interactions are brief or repetitive. Either with strangers and acquaintances or family and colleagues. As such, jokes, compliments and anecdotes are far more useful and appropriate than long-winded wisdom. Anyone who hands out lectures about legends in casual conversation is utterly tedious company.

Charisma isn’t rooted in mockery. A wry shared smile perhaps at the pomposity of others but nothing malicious. As I said, charming people puts them at ease as it also may do so for the charmer. Lots of people are uncomfortable in social situations so a quick joke can relax two nervous people at a party, for example. Particularly if some bore has just subjected them to a diatribe on wisdom.
Click to expand...
In a small town where everyone knows each other and they get along from compatible taste, yes, that makes sense... assuming those who don't fit in leave for another place.

In a larger society where cultural chaos is present, jokes are not a viable long-term strategy. Different people have different senses of tasteful humor, people often find jokes predictable such that they have to get more complex and impressive over time, and impressiveness leads to one-up contests to take an easy way out.

Over the long-term, what makes some comfortable makes others uncomfortable, and it will lead to catastrophic drama as years and decades pass by. Bad jokes will be kept track of, and people will deliberately make snide and wry remarks at and about each other to make a point.

Wisdom prevents this by addressing the complexity of human nature which is not always what we expect.
 
XDU said:
There's a lot of unprincipled neighborhoods these days where people haven't taken the time, energy, and attention to figure out right and wrong together. They suppose situational ethics are OK, but they don't get how everyone's approach to the same situations isn't the same. When we stuck a bunch of people into the same situation to socialize and meet new people to form future families, that lack of advance understanding creates problems.

My wife and I dated for a long time before coming to a mutual understanding on principles because of this. She wasn't Catholic and came from a rather anti-Catholic family which thought Catholics were the type to not practice what's preached and just defer to authorities in exchange for money. I had to prove to her and her parents that wasn't my case.

When we had kids, we took the time to talk with them about this. We didn't raise them to be good people. We raised them to understand how everyone doesn't agree on what's good, how to be good, or if they're even willing to be good. Our children became good people from understanding how life is simple, but living among others is hard.

It made my role as a father a lot easier because our children innately understood the value of discipline to navigate a crazy world. They would approach us with problems and we'd talk with them like adults. We'd also talk with them to understand most people aren't adults. "If you talk with them like we talked with you, people won't want to be around you," came up a lot.
Click to expand...
"There's a lot of unprincipled neighborhoods these days..."
Who is qualified to be the judge of that observation?

I had unprotected sex in the 1970s with my first four partners in those pre-aids days when you took a female partner's word for the level
of her protection. One encounter was on the same evening we met. In the 90s I had three day of meeting, first encounters, all after getting acquainted online but with no exchange of photos before meeting. I did use personal protection. In order, those three were a CoS of a then serving US Congressman (R-CA), a CPA, and an architect.

I've neither been promiscuous, a cheater, or even had an extraordinary number of sexual partners. My point is that it is a grave violation of
human rights to restrict womens' access to safe clinical abortion beyond where it presently is in blue states because people will be people in
the year 2022, as they were in 1622 and in 1922.
 
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Nope, it's just all terribleness.
2 billion awful fathers on Earth and not a single one is any good.

As batting averages go, it's really bad.
 
Bodhisattva said:
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I'm a single parent to two boys, one severely disabled, whom I have raised from the ages of 9 and 7. They are now 19 and 17. Their mom decided raising a special needs child wasn't something she wanted to do and took off.

SO instead of taking off and hanging out in bars and partying all day I run my business as much as from home as possible, take care of my family, and hang out with you people via my laptop

So you tell me, are men capable of being good parents?

What a stupid, offensive question.
 
Bodhisattva said:
That is crossing the line...
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Sauce for the goose. I thought suggesting that men were poor fathers was quite an insult. There are poor parents on both sides.....
My post was not done to insult, however....

Not sure I understand your reaction...??
 
XDU said:
1968 was predicted by a man named Richard Weaver in a book called Ideas Have Consequences published 20 years earlier. His concern was the moral fabric of society gave way to charismatic war heroes from WW2 and that ordinary social standards would become subject to glorifying those who put their lives on the line because how dare anyone dispute them.

In turn, the counterculture movement happened because kids were frustrated by their war hero fathers who refused to appreciate the difference between military and civilian life.
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correct, the GI's were scarred so they spoiled the boomers, the boomers in turn rebelled against their battle-hardened fathers
 
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Bodhisattva said:
I was abused in my relationship.
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I am so sorry to read this. I hope this thread does not add to your pain. It seems a healthy, hopeful gamble
on your part to reach out to your community of this forum.

I don't think we can control who we find ourselves most attracted to, but more likely where the opportunities
are to encounter them. I want to advise you to choose someone who is an older brother of sisters and to try to
learn what you can about a man who interests you, from his younger sister(s) but that isn't how those I've
been most attracted to would likely end up in my life, or not. Calculation and methodology like that is probably
better focused on finding a tolerable, wealthy partner.

I don't know about you but I couldn't settle for tolerable, I need irresistible attraction, the feeling like this is
meant to be. I don't know how to set that up. In my experience it has to unfold spontaneously.

This professional, Epstein, did try to "force it," 20 years ago,

www.psychologytoday.com

Can Two People Decide to Fall in Love?

An interesting experiment to try to solve some of the mysteries of love.
www.psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com
October 10, 2014
"...However, another member of the panel, John Gray of Men Are from Mars fame, believed Epstein was on to something important, and that he should be commended for his commitment to education in the field. “We have been relying on romantic myths rather than the relationships skills that make marriage work,” the relationship guru stated, seconded by another panelist, the aptly named author Pat Love. Love agreed that Epstein’s idea had merit given the fact that more than 50% of marriages in the world were arranged and, on average, they lasted longer than those of Americans. “Half the world believes that first you marry, then you fall in love,” she said, of the mind that practicality followed by fondness could indeed serve as an effective path to the long-term development of romantic feelings.

So was Epstein’s bold experiment successful? More no than yes, I would say. None of the more than 1,000 responses he received was compelling enough for the experiment to move forward, for one thing, suggesting that finding a partner through a personal ad was probably not the best approach. He did ultimately meet someone but not through his advertorial (it was on an airplane) and, while the woman agreed to be part of the project, the fact that she lived in Venezuela and had children from a previous marriage who did not want to leave the country made it unlikely to succeed. Unfazed, Epstein planned to test his concept with multiple couples and, if the results were positive, develop relationship programs based on “structured” love. Picking a mate based on passion was “like getting drunk and marrying someone in Las Vegas,” he remarked, thinking the time was right for arranged marriages to make a big comeback."
 
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Gateman_Wen said:
I'm a single parent to two boys, one severely disabled, whom I have raised from the ages of 9 and 7. They are now 19 and 17. Their mom decided raising a special needs child wasn't something she wanted to do and took off.

SO instead of taking off and hanging out in bars and partying all day I run my business as much as from home as possible, take care of my family, and hang out with you people via my laptop

So you tell me, are men capable of being good parents?

What a stupid, offensive question.
Click to expand...
Much respect, admiration and thanks.
 
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