(Let's clarify: 1) I'm in a particularly combative mood today and want to burn off some steam. 2) I am dissatisfied with where the LGBTQ+ movement is going for the reasons outlined below, whereas --logically-- I should be a part of it. 3) There are some parts on here that may not be accurate. I have no problem being corrected if I get something wrong, 4) in my life so far, no modern-day movement that I am aware of and that I qualify for represents me and -specifically me- only, 5) It seems that I actually have -missed- the part/direction of the movement I would have otherwise thought represented me by a few decades, so this is part of the frustration, 6) This is not directed at individual people who are of the LGBTQ+, and 7) This is part of a larger stress that I have in general of a feeling of not belonging to any one movement or fitting in with society))
Dear LGTBQ+ Movement leaders
This purpose of this letter is being written by a bigendered gay (or asexual) male. I have felt increasingly isolated from your movement, whereas I feel I should really be part of it. There are barriers that have been created between your movement and my wanting to join it and be part of the community.
Last I knew, the movement was about being an accepted and valued part of society. If this has changed, then please stop reading here.
I am aware that you cannot possibly pay the proper emphasis to every single person of every single orientation that you claim to present. However, I am concerned that there have been specific parts of the movement that have accidentally alienated even the people that you represent.
The reason I am concerned about this is because the pretense it sets, that everyone should be treated equally, actually sets a pretense of being different. The question of gender conformity affects only 2-5% of people, the T (transgender) in your movement. The fact that I have to fill out a new line on the application backfires because if I fill out that I want to be called Susan, it signals that I am different. I am more concerned with the effect this has on the ability of transgendered individuals to be hired.
While jobs do not usually discriminate on basis of sexual orientation (and those who do, won’t tell you), this is easily a question that can be manipulated to, among other things:
In this case, I fear a potential backfire.
Next, I don’t want my orientation to be “accepted” in the way it is today. Some religious people can’t understand the “idea” of being gay, and no amount shoving-it-down-their face and forcing them to legally accept it will change that. Put another way, bosses should to accept your existence, rather than accept your orientation. It’s a different, radical, and conservative approach all in one, I know! (Insert the standard “self-hater” comments here).
Consider how the world would be different if:
So, what I want to see the movement change to is acknowledge the right to -exist.- You can hate me all you want, but I am a human being with a certain number of rights afforded by the law. I expect that you follow the law and respect my rights like any other human being, but I am not expecting you to greet me with open arms if you do not like the person I am. I don’t even think giving a million dollars to you will change your mine.
Finally, and this ties back to the acceptance thing: gay pride parades. I have absolutely no problem with being gay and being proud. Our collective rights as a group have grown a lot since Stonewall and other protests. My ancestors (if I had any gay ancestors) found hard to get us the rights we have to day, and we should be proud of how far we’ve come.
However, and this may be a select group of people at the parade, and not the whole group, but … gay parades have gotten the reputation for being sexually risqué. Nothing quite says “I am different than you are” than putting your sexual orientation on full display. It acts as a wedge, rather than a true statement of pride.
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Dear Straight/Heteronormative People:
You're not off the hook: I have a whole, similar rant for you, too.
Dear LGTBQ+ Movement leaders
This purpose of this letter is being written by a bigendered gay (or asexual) male. I have felt increasingly isolated from your movement, whereas I feel I should really be part of it. There are barriers that have been created between your movement and my wanting to join it and be part of the community.
Last I knew, the movement was about being an accepted and valued part of society. If this has changed, then please stop reading here.
I am aware that you cannot possibly pay the proper emphasis to every single person of every single orientation that you claim to present. However, I am concerned that there have been specific parts of the movement that have accidentally alienated even the people that you represent.
- I don’t need a preferred name or pronoun. As a cisgendered gay male, I recognize that is particularly touchy for those who are transgender. First of all, the only group where genders and pronouns seem to matter is the T and Q part of the acronym. I find it bizarre that I would even have this as a required part of LinkedIn profile. A nickname I understand. I even understand the need for transgenders to need to be referred to by their new identity that they are transitioning to for psychological and emotional reasons. If I found out that you had a preferred name, I would respect that. But being a cisgender male, this is a nonissue for me and about 98% of the people in the world. There’s no need to require it for the 98% of people who don’t need it.
The reason I am concerned about this is because the pretense it sets, that everyone should be treated equally, actually sets a pretense of being different. The question of gender conformity affects only 2-5% of people, the T (transgender) in your movement. The fact that I have to fill out a new line on the application backfires because if I fill out that I want to be called Susan, it signals that I am different. I am more concerned with the effect this has on the ability of transgendered individuals to be hired.
While jobs do not usually discriminate on basis of sexual orientation (and those who do, won’t tell you), this is easily a question that can be manipulated to, among other things:
- Say that they do not fit with the office culture (a generic excuse for a specific reason of “oh my God this person is too different from me).
- Ask stupid questions of MtF and FtM job candidates (along the lines of “so… are you going to want pregnancy leave, or…?”.
- Note that this is also potentially illegal (I’m not sure of the -exact- law here), but that it will not stop someone ignorant of the law to from doing this
- Use the answers you give to force you out of a job later on
- To use a non-LGTBQ+ issue I have disclosed twice that I have Asperger’s to an employer, and both I have suspected they have used that information against me to push me out of a job (and was done in such a way that I cannot definitively prove either occasion without jumping through a ton of hoops, which I really don’t want to do, and nor will really anyone else unless the discrimination is can be proven easily).
In this case, I fear a potential backfire.
Next, I don’t want my orientation to be “accepted” in the way it is today. Some religious people can’t understand the “idea” of being gay, and no amount shoving-it-down-their face and forcing them to legally accept it will change that. Put another way, bosses should to accept your existence, rather than accept your orientation. It’s a different, radical, and conservative approach all in one, I know! (Insert the standard “self-hater” comments here).
Consider how the world would be different if:
- A police officer may not respect you because your skin color is different, but knows that he has to treat you the same as people of his skin color under the law or be fired (or worse — see: George Floyd’s now-convicted killer)
- A gay person was treated as if he/she was no better or no lesser than all the other employees in the room
So, what I want to see the movement change to is acknowledge the right to -exist.- You can hate me all you want, but I am a human being with a certain number of rights afforded by the law. I expect that you follow the law and respect my rights like any other human being, but I am not expecting you to greet me with open arms if you do not like the person I am. I don’t even think giving a million dollars to you will change your mine.
Finally, and this ties back to the acceptance thing: gay pride parades. I have absolutely no problem with being gay and being proud. Our collective rights as a group have grown a lot since Stonewall and other protests. My ancestors (if I had any gay ancestors) found hard to get us the rights we have to day, and we should be proud of how far we’ve come.
However, and this may be a select group of people at the parade, and not the whole group, but … gay parades have gotten the reputation for being sexually risqué. Nothing quite says “I am different than you are” than putting your sexual orientation on full display. It acts as a wedge, rather than a true statement of pride.
--------
Dear Straight/Heteronormative People:
You're not off the hook: I have a whole, similar rant for you, too.
