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Am I being tight? ( Another Wedding related question)

Fisher said:
Maybe it is because it is her friend and not yours, so you do not feel as emotionally committed to making their affair nicer or helping them pay for things the way your wife does. I know I have a different attitude about it when I am helping out a member of my family as opposed to one of hers. :unsure13:
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Nah if it was one of my friends I would laugh at him and tell him to jog on, unfortunately I can't be that blunt with my wife's friends.
 
Ugh. I think the entire thing is ridiculous and pompous to ask people to provide their own food/drink at a party they ate invited to, and then be told you have to put "x" amount of money on a money tree?

No way.

I suppose your wife can participate and say it's from the both of you, while you silently protest....but Damn.

That's asking an awful lot from friends and family for a wedding party.

Personally, I wouldn't go. I don't have that kind of money laying about just to piss away on greedy buttholes. :p
 
lizzie said:
Well, to me the issue is one more along the lines of thinking it strange to expect your guests to foot ANY of the bill for wedding-related expenses. Back when I got married (admittedly a long time ago), the wedding and other related expenses were paid by the bride's and the groom's families. It wasn't standard to ask anyone else to pay for anything at all. If the groom's family held a rehearsal dinner, they paid for everything involved. THe bride's family usually paid for the wedding itself, and all the expenses incurred as a result for the ceremony. I just find it odd that people are expected to bring their own booze, or chip in for a dinner, or anything else related to the wedding.
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Well sure, but there is a middle point. I think if people are starting out and really struggling people should help them with their wedding if they or their families need the help. Now, if you are throwing some Martha Stewart type shindig and expect people to pay, it is a different story. My wife and I paid for a good chunk of our own wedding, and the parents helped as they could. It was a massive waste of money in my book, but you know you women. I would have been happy with a justice of the peace wedding or a backyard wedding or an Elvis Presley Wedding Chapel in Vegas wedding, but nooooooooooooooooooo.

The scenario I see from time to time that bothers me is when one of the couple is from a loaded family and the other is not and the loaded side just can't get that it isn't a lack of love and affection that the poorer side cannot foot part of a formal wedding.

Either way, I don't feel guilty about other people not getting their wants and expectations met. It goes for funerals too--I have seen people drop insane amounts of coinage on a funeral and then talk about how they just don't know how they are going to make it with all these added expenses.
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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Higgins, I've never heard of such a thing. Where I come from, this is not normal. The gall. I think you have a legitimate right to feel like you do. But you're in between a rock and a hard place with it being your wife's friend. Good luck with this one.
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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No you are not being tight. Although I do think money spent on many weddings in general is a huge waste.Even the dresses alone are ridiculously expensive. Idiotic women or their families will spend thousands of dollars on a dress that hopefully the bride only has to wear once in her life.
 
Happy wife, happy life. Sorry, bud.

But yes you are absolutely right. This blows. If it weren't her best friend, I'd tell them to go piss up a rope.
 
Superfly said:
Happy wife, happy life. Sorry, bud.

But yes you are absolutely right. This blows. If it weren't her best friend, I'd tell them to go piss up a rope.
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With friends like that.......
 
Since the majority of marriages fail it is time to tone down this stupid expensive ceremony and do it accordingly. Would you invest a sizable portion of your money in a stock that cannot show a better than 50-50 chance of a return on your money? Expensive weddings are like bonfires, they all are gone the next day leaving only a mess.
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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Yeah that's a bit ridiculous. But it being your wife's best friend, probably best to just go along with things and not cause a fuss.
 
My thoughts are-
you spent about 400 bucks on a wedding present- silly old dodger you are if you then think 100 bucks is asking too much! Wife's bud and like it or no you are stuck.

My wife and i got married on our lunch breaks so not a big wedding spender here... however for my sisters we did spend on a good present and some cash as weddings are not cheap.

Now before I met my wife she attended a polish traditional wedding on the south side of Chitcago. At the reception every man present was expected to dance once with the bride and pin money on her... woe be to the cheap bastard who thought a fiver would do! That was back in the 70's so who knows how much a dance is these days.

Don't be a rotter, pony up the money... then hold it over your charming wife's head for awhile. :peace
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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I've never heard of a money tree, and that strikes me as obnoxious as hell, especially since, as you pointed out, they're not even providing food/beverages at their own party. Having said that, if it were me I'd suck it up and go just so my significant other would shut up about it.
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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Pay up, you tight ****.
 
When you put what money you obviously have to, make a lot of noise about it in a bragging and positive sense. Don't be cranky while doing it, but happily loud. Make it uncomfortable. And use LOTS of the smallest bills possible. I don't know the currency in your country, but it were USA money, for $100 put up 100 $1 bills. And then brag to others that you put $100!!! on the tree, ask others how much they put on it, and basically go around the reception soliciting money for the couple with "they need the money and they're a GREAT couple. We all should help them out more!" :lol:
 
Since it is an Indian Takeaway, put 50 Rupee on the tree.
 
What you need is some gold florists wire to make little baskets to hang shiny pound coins on the tree! You'll still be giving, but making your point! I take umbrage at the lists of expensive stuff you get presented with, without all the extras.
 
You know, another buddy of mine asked me a similar question a couple days ago. I'll tell you what I told him...

Spend what you can afford, but also what you feel is right. Was this couple friends with your wife before you two got married, did they come to your wedding, and toss money instead of rice at you?

I say **** the money tree. You got them a 200£ gift. If they need money, give them a gift receipt with it.
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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You have more than a valid point. In my book, BYOB negates the validity of asking for anything else, period. It is not done. Sounds more like an audience with the king and queen, where you bow, then kneel; offer everything you have, then leave walking backwards so as not to offend the monarch. Problem is, if you don't go, and piss off the Mrs. you'll be in for several months of crap you'll be forced to deal with. You'll yield the same result if you go and be obviously unhappy.

So, you have no choice but to suck it up, go, and pretend to enjoy yourself. When you get home, make sure you tell your wife you had a wonderful time. Then, take a page from the female handbook: when your pissed, buy yourself something you really want, but don't really need. That is what she would do. If she asks why you bought it, do not ever give her any answer whatsoever.... EVER.
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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Your point is more than valid. You have recognized that you are being victimized by a greedy fraud, and have balked at having your wallet butt ****ed by a couple of money hungry con artists.

If you wish me to speak with your wife on your behalf, let me know. Of course, she and the bride may no longer be BFF's, because tact is sometimes not my strong suit, lol!
 
Sounds to me like a couple of people who are milking it for all they can get! What do they tell their poor friends? Don't bother coming if you can't afford gifts and money?

What a waste anyway. I would totally save my money for the fun part, the honeymoon!!! IMO, the wedding is just a formality that you have to suffer through to get to the good part. :)
 
Why do people keep saying suck it up for your wife, it's not worth making her mad, etc.

What happened to talking things out and compromise? It that so difficult to do for some? If I didn't like something or felt uncomfortable I would talk to my husband about it and expect us to reach an agreement, not to just go along with it to keep the peace. I would hate to be in a relationship where if you didn't go along with whatever they are asking of you that they get pissed and act like a bitch. Oh hell to the no.

I mean really, suck it up and pretend to like something and be pissed on the inside and hold some kind of secret grudge? Maybe I just keep it real and I expect the same from my partner, but is that so much to ask?
 
americanwoman said:
Why do people keep saying suck it up for your wife, it's not worth making her mad, etc.

What happened to talking things out and compromise? It that so difficult to do for some? If I didn't like something or felt uncomfortable I would talk to my husband about it and expect us to reach an agreement, not to just go along with it to keep the peace. I would hate to be in a relationship where if you didn't go along with whatever they are asking of you that they get pissed and act like a bitch. Oh hell to the no.

I mean really, suck it up and pretend to like something and be pissed on the inside and hold some kind of secret grudge? Maybe I just keep it real and I expect the same from my partner, but is that so much to ask?
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Great point. You should always consider your partner's feelings. IMO, when you marry a person, that person should be the most important person in your life, and your friends have to take a back seat because marriage is supposed to be about sharing your life with your soul mate. :)
 
Higgins86 said:
Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?
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Money Tree? Sheesh. I'd say the young couple needs to learn that money doesn't grow on trees.

Tough call, Higgs. Sounds like your heart isn't in this one. It might be best to let the wife go it alone.
 
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