Am I being tight? ( Another Wedding related question)

[Higgins86]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

 

[GottaGo]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with out money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

It's my opinion that many wedding related activities have become a 'gimme' for money. I don't attend many of them for this reason.

However, it being your wife's best friend, I would loosen up the purse strings if you ever want to be friendly with the couple after the wedding.

 

[lizzie]

Perhaps you are being tight, but I'm with you on the issue. Imo, gifts should be given out of thoughtfulness, and not because the recipient is demanding of it.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with out money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

I think you have a point. It drives me nuts the way some people expect you to shell out hundreds if not thousands of dollars just to be there. If they want you there, why make it so hard for you to go? Do they want YOU or do they just want your money and to get to live like a fussy diva for a day? Is it about celebrating with loved ones, or is it about getting free stuff?

The idea of simply telling people to give you money, on top of an extremely expensive gift, and paying for all of their own accommodations and entertainment, also strikes me as entitled and thoughtless.

In a sense, your wife is right: this is becoming more common, for some ridiculous reason.

But you're not going insane. This is really crappy behavior in my opinion.

I wouldn't go either.

 

[Mr X]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with out money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

I think your wife's friend is taking the piss with this money tree, especially after you've spent £200 on a wedding present.
If the £50 is only a suggestion (the cheek of it), then you could just add a lower amount.

I don't blame you for objecting to the principle though.

 

[winston53660]

What a racket!

 

[americanwoman]

I'm cheap and broke so I find it unreasonable. I also don't like when people plan parties way beyond their means and expect everyone else to pick it up for them.

 

[joko104]

You are right, but can't win because of your wife's position.

 

[ThePlayDrive]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

You have a valid point, but I would suggest that you suck that **** up for your wife, LOL.

A "money tree" (wtf?) is absurd. The rest of it is a bit pricey as well, but the money tree takes the cake. People are really starting to get ridiculous about their weddings. That said, if you have the money and your wife wants to go the party and put money on the tree, then I would suck it up.

 

[CanadaJohn]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

I think you're absolutely right - if the couple getting married invited you to this pre-wedding dinner, that makes it even worse.

Weddings and all that goes with it have completely gotten out of hand in the past couple of decades - since about half of all marriages fail in the first 5 to 7 years, why not wait and give them each 25 quid on the announcement of their divorce?

 

[MaggieD]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

When all's said and done, you are entitled to your feelings.

Personally, I've never heard of that custom. A pre-wedding dinner and a money tree, that is. Your reluctance seems reasonable to me. But, again​, when all's said and done? That's not the question.

The real question is:

Do you want wifey to be happy? 'Cause you know what happens when wifey ain't happy. In case you were absent for that lesson, "When wifey ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

 

[Gardener]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

IMO, being tight fisted or not tight fisted has to do with how much you make to begin with. If that 50 quid represents the recompense for a few minutes of your working time, it's no big deal. If it represents hours, then it is.

In any case, it seems pretty cheeky tome. Is it to celebrate a marriage or just to shake down the guests for as much as they can get?

 

[winston53660]

You have a valid point, but I would suggest that you suck that **** up for your wife, LOL.

.

i agree

 

[Higgins86]

IMO, being tight fisted or not tight fisted has to do with how much you make to begin with. If that 50 quid represents the recompense for a few minutes of your working time, it's no big deal. If it represents hours, then it is.

In any case, it seems pretty cheeky tome. Is it to celebrate a marriage or just to shake down the guests for as much as they can get?

Yeh it feels like a shake down to me especially since we have to provide our own food and drink.

 

[Higgins86]

When all's said and done, you are entitled to your feelings.

Personally, I've never heard of that custom. A pre-wedding dinner and a money tree, that is. Your reluctance seems reasonable to me. But, again​, when all's said and done? That's not the question.

The real question is:

Do you want wifey to be happy? 'Cause you know what happens when wifey ain't happy. In case you were absent for that lesson, "When wifey ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Yeh no doubt I will cough up the money and stick it on the stupid tree, just glad to read some of your reactions to this because it makes me feel better and I don't feel like I'm going crazy lol.

 

[lizzie]

Yeh no doubt I will cough up the money and stick it on the stupid tree, just glad to read some of your reactions to this because it makes me feel better and I don't feel like I'm going crazy lol.

No, you're not going crazy. The world at large is going crazy, and you're stuck in the crossfire.

 

[Higgins86]

No, you're not going crazy. The world at large is going crazy, and you're stuck in the crossfire.

No kidding! We had an outside wedding and the only request we made was that no one bought gifts instead they could bring some firewood and booze for the after wedding bonfire...

 

[winston53660]

No kidding! We had an outside wedding and the only request we made was that no one bought gifts instead they could bring some firewood and booze for the after wedding bonfire...

Now that sounds like fun!

 

[lizzie]

No kidding! We had an outside wedding and the only request we made was that no one bought gifts instead they could bring some firewood and booze for the after wedding bonfire...

Now, that is an interesting wedding. I've never heard of anyone having a bonfire after the wedding. It sounds like a cool celebration.

 

[polgara]

Perhaps you are being tight, but I'm with you on the issue. Imo, gifts should be given out of thoughtfulness, and not because the recipient is demanding of it.

Greetings, lizzie. :2wave:

I've never heard of such a thing, and I doubt many would attend in our area. That said, it sounds like this

enterprising bride-to-be is also planning on having their "friends" pay for the honeymoon, too, via the money tree!

Cheeky comes to mind here! :lamo:

 

[Fisher]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

Maybe it is because it is her friend and not yours, so you do not feel as emotionally committed to making their affair nicer or helping them pay for things the way your wife does. I know I have a different attitude about it when I am helping out a member of my family as opposed to one of hers. :unsure13:

 

[lizzie]

Maybe it is because it is her friend and not yours, so you do not feel as emotionally committed to making their affair nicer or helping them pay for things the way your wife does. I know I have a different attitude about it when I am helping out a member of my family as opposed to one of hers. :unsure13:

Well, to me the issue is one more along the lines of thinking it strange to expect your guests to foot ANY of the bill for wedding-related expenses. Back when I got married (admittedly a long time ago), the wedding and other related expenses were paid by the bride's and the groom's families. It wasn't standard to ask anyone else to pay for anything at all. If the groom's family held a rehearsal dinner, they paid for everything involved. THe bride's family usually paid for the wedding itself, and all the expenses incurred as a result for the ceremony. I just find it odd that people are expected to bring their own booze, or chip in for a dinner, or anything else related to the wedding.

 

[Ikari]

Me and my wife are invited to one of her friends wedding next month and on Friday we are invited to a pre wedding dinner/shower. Its at their house, its BYOB and we are all chipping in money for a Indian Takeaway. I have already purchased a present for them via the registry which cost me close to 200 quid but on top of that they want us to bring money for a "money tree" at the pre wedding dinner which I think is outrageous and have told my wife that they are not getting a penny for this tree (especially when they suggested we bring 50 pounds) however she thinks I'm being tight with our money and is going to put money on the tree regardless.
We have to pay for food and booze already for this "party" and on top of that they are demanding money????? I talked to my friends who are also going they don't have a problem with it and some even suggested that this is normal. I am going mad???? Already spent money on a new suit for the wedding, babysitter for the night, hotel room, wedding present and now they want me to give them money ahead of time just because I'm attending a party which they invited me too and want me to provide my own refreshments lol.
I told the wife that I don't want to go to the party anymore and its become a bit of an issue with her because its her best friend and she doesn't want to have to explain why I'm not going etc. Am I being a grumpy tight fisted bloke or do I have a valid point here?

WTF is a quid and a pound?

Alright, translated into real money that's about 400 bucks alone (200 "quid" + 50 pounds....are those the same unit? Damned Brits, you do realize this is why you cannot be trusted with the English language, yes?), which means you're already pushing it. You can look at it two ways. One is that it's a lot of money to be expected, that's a f'n PS4 right there, and you ain't gonna get a PS4's worth of entertainment out of it. I don't really know what's expected in England, in America it can get a little outrageous with demands and expectations of financial obligation. And by "a little outrageous" I mean that some people need to be smacked. On that scale, it is outrageous to expect a big wedding gift, you to supply booze for a party, to donate to a money tree on top of all the other financial obligations you are going to encounter. Obviously people doing this are probably not quite thinking about the extent to which some people are put out in trying to attend a wedding and perform all the expected social duties of a proper wedding guest. It's not unreasonable to be upset about it and to be pissed off.

On the other hand, 50 pounds is like what, close to 80 real money? You've likely spent over 1000 dollars, 80 bucks is 8% more. 8% more to make your wife happy, to fulfill all those silly social obligations, to attend the events of your friends and family and to share in their good time and help launch them forward to their future. Is 8% really worth getting upset about in that light?

You can choose the route you want to go on this. Personally, I'd be tempted to steal the money tree. Seriously, my dad always told me money doesn't grow on trees and now I'm finding out about money trees!? BS. If you can swing it then perhaps it's best just not to make waves; but if you're really put out by it or reasonably insulted by the premise that they would continually demand more money after you've spent so much money, time, and effort just to join them on their day of happiness, then by all means. Although a passive-aggressive wedding toast may be more appropriate.

 

[Tucker Case]

I'd tell her that her money tree is about to become a money suppository.

 

[Gaius46]

Don't think you're being tight fisted at all. Custom where I live (New York), and I just went to a wedding three weeks ago, is essentially to give a cash gift of somewhere between $100 and $200 per person dependent on your relationship with the bride and groom. It was a not very close cousin and we split the difference and gave $300.

If you're a member of the bridal party you're expected to do more.

But as Maggie said you can be right and still lose.