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A Message from Dennis Hastert to All Pages (1 Viewer)

danarhea

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Somebody in Maine came up with this one. LOL.

FROM: Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House
TO: All House Pages
PRIORITY: HIGH

In lieu of recent events, it is imperative that all pages be clear on their respective Representative's intent when communicating by e-mail, instant message or via traditional verbal form. [...] Below you will find a list of commonly misunderstood phrases, accompanied by their literal meanings.

Message: "LOL"
Translation: I am laughing while I type at my computer.

Message: "Sometimes nothing feels better than a good rub down after a long day of work. Have U been rubbed down?"
Translation: Please confirm my travel arrangements for Saturday's speaking engagement at the Elks Lodge.

Message: "R U hard?"
Translation: Be sure to get a receipt for the stamped mailings you sent to members of the League of Women Voters.

Message: "How did U become such a HOT young STUDDZOR?"
Translation: Please make a list of your high school accomplishments and attach it to a copy of your transcript so that my secretary can write a letter of recommendation to the university of your choice.

Message: "I want to see U in a steam room after the big game."
Translation: Please send a message to the CSPAN camera operator that I am not getting enough face time when I appear on the floor.
 

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