Dear NRA: we are America's warriors. We are the Armed Forces. We train with our assault rifles to defend citizens like you. You have no business picking up an assault rifle for any reason.
Whenever some idiot like Wayne Lapierre, or some bimbo like Dana loesch holds up a gun and calls him or herself a defender of freedom, that is a huge embarrassment to us. You defend nothing but the gun industry's profits. We are the true guardians of freedom.
There is no reason for anybody in this day and age to own a gun with a pistol grip, a buffer stock, or a red dot sight. These are tools designed to kill people, and we use them to kill enemies of America. You only use them to kill children in classrooms.
And forget about your little concealed carry. True men like me don't need to carry a gun around everywhere to feel big. In fact, we are NOT allowed to carry guns everywhere while on base. And we don't feel small because of that. Because we know that the best self defense is not doing stupid ****, and watching your back. And if sheet hits the fan, we are physically able to defend ourselves with our fists, unlike you fat@$$ weakling semi-men gun nuts.
Don't believe me? Just ask Senator Gary Peters from Michigan, who is a veteran and supports gun control. Or ask Jack Reed, senator from Rhode Island, graduate of motherfreaking WEST POINT, who is a staunch opponent of the NRA. Or Tammy Duckworth. Or Ruben Gallego. Or Anthony Brown. Or anyone on this list:
Candidates | VoteVets.org
And you think you can overthrow the US military with your little toys. HELL TO THE MOTHERLOVIN' NO WAY! We have nuclear missiles. We have drones. If we get the order from our commander in chief to obliterate you and take your guns from your cold, dead hands, we will. And your arsenal will do nothing, since you won't even see the bunker buster coming. We already turned Atlanta to ash in 1864. We will happily do it again to protect elementary schoolchildren in classrooms around the nation.
But most of you would turn in your guns peacefully. You don't have the balls to fight. You wouldn't really die for what you believe in. Otherwise, you'd have enlisted in the military. Why didn't you, you big men? (HEAVY sarcasm there).
So when you pick up a gun, and read your little NRA propaganda, and feel like a good American, just remember that we real American heroes are not on your side.