We have exactly the same conversations on Mars regarding Earth as you are holding here.
There are important differences between out two planets.
•Our gravity is 40% lower than yours.
•Our temperatures are much lower than yours
•While many of our minerals are similar to yours such as nickel, copper, titanium, iron, platinum, palladium, and chromium, lead, silver, tin, bismuth, antimony, we also have large deposits of niobium (which we use) and gold (which we don't). Since niobium is integral to our technology, it would be hard for us to establish significant colonies on Earth.
•While we are essentially humanoid, we are bigger, stronger and much more appealing than you are. As a much older culture, we no longer resemble monkeys the way you do. Since out atmosphere is thinner than yours (as well as the much more practical gravity), we are made of sterner stuff so instead of fragile skin, we are covered with scales that are much more durable. Our center "arm/hand" gives us a much greater sense of balance and has allowed us to develop our technologies much more quickly. Add this to the fact that our race is almost 2 million years older than yours, and you can see how little interest we have in your planet.
•Before you even ask, no, we have not developed FTL although I think we will in the future.
•Since we are conscious of our resource limitation, we maintain a population of about 100 million. A permit is required to breed. Our permits are eugenically based and we have very few "disabled" citizens.
Your Ambassador has repeatedly asked to form an alliance with us to merge our development in a quest for travel to nearby star systems in hopes of finding a habitable planet. We have not agreed to this because 1) despite your planet being only a little larger than ours, you have divided it up into over 200 "countries" and you squabble and fight with each other constantly, thus no real agreements can be arrived at and we don't want to encourage your incessant breeding. Perhaps in time your species will mature and we will reconsider that as appropriate.
When I was one of the chosen few sent to open an Embassy on your planet, I considered it a punishment, not a compliment.
The only thing you have that we don't are cats. Since I've lived here (on Earth) I have collected a number of these marvelous creatures and I can only say that if they were the dominant species here, we would be much more comfortable with you as a solar system neighbor. We actually brought a few cats back on our periodic supply ship but we lost them when they jumped and flew off into space, being unused to the gravity differential. So, we have given up on that idea and you don't have anything else of interest to us.
Your moon is essentially worthless (other than its novelty value) while ours (you call them Phobos and Deimos) are rich with exotic minerals and provide us with valuable supplies. We have also built a few recreational areas for those who enjoy autonomous flight.
If anyone is interested in relocating to Mars, we require that you be sterilized first. Please contact either Specklebang or PriateMK1 email@example.com