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OK. I got inspired and wrote up a fake debate between the two. It's just for laughs. Hope everyone likes:
Welcome to the first presidential debate of 2016 between the Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton and the Republican nominee Ben Carson.
Moderator first question: " What credentials do you feel you have that qualify you to be president of the United States"?
Ms. Clinton: "I'm not only a lawyer but I'm pretty damn good in the stock market too. I've been first lady for both a governor and a president, along with being a carpetbagging senator from the great state of New York and have most recently been Secretary of State. I already should have been president eight years ago if it hadn't been for that black guy. I also want to make it my number one top priority to fight for the little guy and while first lady in the White House I was put in charge of healthcare and that's why we have Obamacare today".
Ben Carson: "Hey. Wait a minute. That's not true but I want to take this opportunity to discuss my impressive resume for the top job in this country. I'm a nice guy, even though I had a violent past. You wouldn't believe the things I have done in my youth before I was born again and for anyone who doesn't believe me, you can ask my mom. She'll vouch for me. If it wasn't for that one belt buckle I could easily be in prison right now."
" Hey, you think you had a violent past? Have you ever talked with anyone who has ever worked for me? Do you know what I did to Bill after that Monica Lewinsky thing? I had a knife too but I made damn sure I aimed below the belt buckle. Do you really think he was in the hospital because of a heart bypass?"
"Hey, we need to get back on topic here. I also want everyone to know that I was offered a full scholarship at West Point Academy. Well, it wasn't actually an offer and it wasn't exactly a scholarship either but someone somewhere did say something to me about it sometime, although I can't remember exactly when. Anyway, if I had applied I might have become a top military leader"
"Well, back in the 70's I tried to join the Marines and while first lady I was actually under fire from snipers at one time and had to run for my life."
"Big deal. Can you operate on children's brains?"
"Speaking of children, did you know that my daughter Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade center on 9/11?"
"I'm pretty sure I heard that. I also heard about how you sent her classified emails right after the attack in Benghazi telling her that it was a terrorist attack while having your people tell everyone else the attack was due to a video. "
"Oh Jeez. Here we go again with that vast right wing conspiracy crap. Haven't you figured out that I already won that round?"
"The FBI is still investigating your emails"
"What emails? All of my people are pleading the fifth and I wiped the server clean of all the bad stuff. The only things they are getting are the ones I want them to get."
"They're going to find something to prosecute you for"
"Really? Well you're just far too old for this job. Hell, you're so old you have firsthand knowledge of the Egyptians using the pyramids for grain storage!"
"Yeah, well you're so old that people are talking about your face looking demented and like a Haloween mask. Oh, wait a minute. I may be confusing you with Carly Fiorina. Anyway, that was just a comedic joke but you really can't be president because you're a woman."
"I can't be president because I'm a woman? You're a black man! Everyone knows a black man can't be president."
"Nowhere in the bible does it say a woman can be president. They are supposed to serve men and they're supposed to wear dresses. You should be staying home and taking care of your husband instead of running for president."
"I'll have you know that I wear the pantsuits in our family. Just ask Bill. Everyone knows I've been wearing pantsuits for eight years now just trying to get this damn job!"
Moderator: "Candidates, candidates, candidates. Do you have any closing statements as to why you should be elected president"?
Ms. Clinton: "Well folks. You've heard it firsthand here tonight. Ben Carson is a total liar and can't be trusted with your vote. Therefore, you should vote for me."
Ben Carson: "Well folks. You've heard it firsthand here tonight. Hillary Clinton is a total liar and can't be trusted with your vote. Therefore, you should vote for me."
Welcome to the first presidential debate of 2016 between the Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton and the Republican nominee Ben Carson.
Moderator first question: " What credentials do you feel you have that qualify you to be president of the United States"?
Ms. Clinton: "I'm not only a lawyer but I'm pretty damn good in the stock market too. I've been first lady for both a governor and a president, along with being a carpetbagging senator from the great state of New York and have most recently been Secretary of State. I already should have been president eight years ago if it hadn't been for that black guy. I also want to make it my number one top priority to fight for the little guy and while first lady in the White House I was put in charge of healthcare and that's why we have Obamacare today".
Ben Carson: "Hey. Wait a minute. That's not true but I want to take this opportunity to discuss my impressive resume for the top job in this country. I'm a nice guy, even though I had a violent past. You wouldn't believe the things I have done in my youth before I was born again and for anyone who doesn't believe me, you can ask my mom. She'll vouch for me. If it wasn't for that one belt buckle I could easily be in prison right now."
" Hey, you think you had a violent past? Have you ever talked with anyone who has ever worked for me? Do you know what I did to Bill after that Monica Lewinsky thing? I had a knife too but I made damn sure I aimed below the belt buckle. Do you really think he was in the hospital because of a heart bypass?"
"Hey, we need to get back on topic here. I also want everyone to know that I was offered a full scholarship at West Point Academy. Well, it wasn't actually an offer and it wasn't exactly a scholarship either but someone somewhere did say something to me about it sometime, although I can't remember exactly when. Anyway, if I had applied I might have become a top military leader"
"Well, back in the 70's I tried to join the Marines and while first lady I was actually under fire from snipers at one time and had to run for my life."
"Big deal. Can you operate on children's brains?"
"Speaking of children, did you know that my daughter Chelsea was jogging around the World Trade center on 9/11?"
"I'm pretty sure I heard that. I also heard about how you sent her classified emails right after the attack in Benghazi telling her that it was a terrorist attack while having your people tell everyone else the attack was due to a video. "
"Oh Jeez. Here we go again with that vast right wing conspiracy crap. Haven't you figured out that I already won that round?"
"The FBI is still investigating your emails"
"What emails? All of my people are pleading the fifth and I wiped the server clean of all the bad stuff. The only things they are getting are the ones I want them to get."
"They're going to find something to prosecute you for"
"Really? Well you're just far too old for this job. Hell, you're so old you have firsthand knowledge of the Egyptians using the pyramids for grain storage!"
"Yeah, well you're so old that people are talking about your face looking demented and like a Haloween mask. Oh, wait a minute. I may be confusing you with Carly Fiorina. Anyway, that was just a comedic joke but you really can't be president because you're a woman."
"I can't be president because I'm a woman? You're a black man! Everyone knows a black man can't be president."
"Nowhere in the bible does it say a woman can be president. They are supposed to serve men and they're supposed to wear dresses. You should be staying home and taking care of your husband instead of running for president."
"I'll have you know that I wear the pantsuits in our family. Just ask Bill. Everyone knows I've been wearing pantsuits for eight years now just trying to get this damn job!"
Moderator: "Candidates, candidates, candidates. Do you have any closing statements as to why you should be elected president"?
Ms. Clinton: "Well folks. You've heard it firsthand here tonight. Ben Carson is a total liar and can't be trusted with your vote. Therefore, you should vote for me."
Ben Carson: "Well folks. You've heard it firsthand here tonight. Hillary Clinton is a total liar and can't be trusted with your vote. Therefore, you should vote for me."