IS SPANKING EFFECTIVE PARENTING?

[roguenuke]

We will use corporal punishment if the situation warrants, however that has been rare. We have found that just being consistent and known established and enforced boundaries keeps the impulse control issues well controlled. We don't do time outs, we use labor and confiscation. Our children earn the money they use to acquire whatever it is they want that we will allow them to have. This works well because they acquire their luxuries and favored items through the money they earn. They want something they have to earn it. If they are doing labor for us they aint earning money for themselves. If we confiscate their property, we don't normally return it except if they want to earn it back through labor to the household, this presumes the property was not disposed of which we typically do.

I don't agree with "disposing" of children's (usable) property for most offenses I've seen and/or heard parents doing so for. That is not a just punishment for the vast majority of things any minor does. You wouldn't take your wife's/husband's property would you and sell it or throw it away because of some "infraction" she/he committed? Would she/he take yours and if so, would you believe that to be "just"? Plus, it is extremely wasteful.

Confiscating their property to have them "earn" it back is one thing. Selling it or destroying it, throwing it away is completely different. That doesn't teach children much about responsibility, but rather to not trust others, because those others may take from them and not give it back.

 

[ALiberalModerate]

I’m puzzled as to why you think anger is the normal emotional response whenever a child misbehaves. Anger is controllable. You should be able to recognize when an event is leading you to overreact through anger. I started out by saying spanking should be viewed as something you do FOR your children rather than TO them. If you understand the difference then you might see where I’m coming from.

Let's say your 6 year old throws a fit for nothing in a crowded restaurant. What feelings do you have? Anger and embarrassment are the feelings you would have. Most of the time when a kid does something so severe that a parent would resort to spanking them, its because they did something that pissed the parent off so much they spanked them - then they tell themselves that they were like Andy Taylor and did it to impart some moral lesson.

 

[SMTA]

I always viewed spanking not as something you are doing TO your children but rather FOR them. Teaching them that bad behavior has consequences. It should never be done out of anger. If it is then you’re teaching that hitting someone out of anger is acceptable.

What a nice way to rationalize beatings & torture

 

[Overitall]

Let's say your 6 year old throws a fit for nothing in a crowded restaurant. What feelings do you have? Anger and embarrassment are the feelings you would have. Most of the time when a kid does something so severe that a parent would resort to spanking them, its because they did something that pissed the parent off so much they spanked them - then they tell themselves that they were like Andy Taylor and did it to impart some moral lesson.

I wouldn’t spank my child in public. Would I be embarrassed? Sure, but I’m aware that it’s not an uncommon event and embarrassment is hardly a good excuse to get angry. That makes it more about yourself rather than the child acting up. Which in that case you’re doing something TO the child rather than FOR them.

Are you under the mistaken notion that I advocate spanking a child at the drop of a hat? Any and every time they misbehave.

 

[Overitall]

What a nice way to rationalize basins & torture

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

 

[JMR]

How would you teach a child not to touch a hot stove? Letting him/her touch it might be one way but doesn’t seem to be a very good idea.

How old would a child have to be before touching the hot stove is an issue? If my child were near a hot stove I'd pick them up and talk to them about the danger. The talk would be age appropriate. I also did not allow them to climb on chairs or other means to reach counters and stove tops.

 

[ALiberalModerate]

I wouldn’t spank my child in public. Would I be embarrassed? Sure, but I’m aware that it’s not an uncommon event and embarrassment is hardly a good excuse to get angry. That makes it more about yourself rather than the child acting up. Which in that case you’re doing something TO the child rather than FOR them.

Are you under the mistaken notion that I advocate spanking a child at the drop of a hat? Any and every time they misbehave.

I only spanked my kids a handful of times during their entire childhood. If I did it over again, I wouldn't even bother with it because I don't think its effective at all other than to show a boundary that a kid knows they can't cross. For example, my kids knew that if they ever misbehaved in a restaurant, that when we got home I would wear their ass out, as a result, they were always very well behaved and polite in public.

The thing about kids is that some kids are just easy and they make you look like great parents because they would make anyone look like great parents. Some kids are more difficult and would make anyone's parenting look bad. In the end, all you can do is give them love, structure, and support.

 

[Overitall]

How old would a child have to be before touching the hot stove is an issue? If my child were near a hot stove I'd pick them up and talk to them about the danger. The talk would be age appropriate. I also did not allow them to climb on chairs or other means to reach counters and stove tops.

Don’t take an analogy too far. I used it as an example of consequences. Which is better, letting a child burn themselves or slapping their hands? Talking is age appropriate.

 

[Overitall]

I only spanked my kids a handful of times during their entire childhood. If I did it over again, I wouldn't even bother with it because I don't think its effective at all other than to show a boundary that a kid knows they can't cross. For example, my kids knew that if they ever misbehaved in a restaurant, that when we got home I would wear their ass out, as a result, they were always very well behaved and polite in public.

Likewise for me. The only thing I would question about your method is threatening your children with spanking if they misbehaved. The problem is if they don’t listen to you and you failed to follow through they learn you really don’t mean what you say.

 

[vesper]

A good parent hands out punishment when needed. They understand that not teaching them the way they should go, and the consequences for not doing the right thing ruins the child. There are different punishments that fit the severity of wrongdoing. Sometimes standing in the corner for them to think about what they did wrong is enough. Sometimes it results in a spanking but it should never be done in anger. Spanking is getting swatted on the hind end. It is not beating a child. After the spanking the child is then made to make restitution for any wrongdoing. Once the parent lays down the law what that will entail, the incident is over but not without an explanation with a life lesson on why they should not behave in that fashion and a hug . I always thought that was more humane than a parent that does not spank but instead goes off screaming at them for a long periods of time which I think often results in verbal abuse. Even when they are toddlers and try to stick things into outlets, get close to a hot stove, ride their big wheels out into the street with traffic coming, parents know the importance to make the child understand how serious it is not to do such things.

A good parent remains the parent and not their child's "best friend". That comes later after they are grown and functioning well in society because you as the parent gave them a good foundation to do so.

 

[JMR]

Don’t take an analogy too far. I used it as an example of consequences. Which is better, letting a child burn themselves or slapping their hands? Talking is age appropriate.

If you are interested in stopping a burn, removing them quickly is as effective as slapping their hand. I think more effective. Unless you mean slap their hand later? But that would be weird.

 

[Overitall]

If you are interested in stopping a burn, removing them quickly is as effective as slapping their hand. I think more effective. Unless you mean slap their hand later? But that would be weird.

The problem with just picking them up is what have they learned? You pick them up all the time for no reason. Slapping their hands teaches a connection that reaching for a lit burner has consequences. Remember, age appropriate training is a guiding factor.

 

[ALiberalModerate]

Likewise for me. The only thing I would question about your method is threatening your children with spanking if they misbehaved. The problem is if they don’t listen to you and you failed to follow through they learn you really don’t mean what you say.

I never threatened spanking without following through. Generally it was me leaning in and telling them quietly something like "If you don't cut that shit out right now, I am going to wear your ass out in front of god and everybody if I have to.", and they knew that was it. I am a was a very easy going parent that had a fuse that was hard to light, but if you did, it was real short.

 

[Grand Mal]

Is Spanking Children an Effective Consequence?

Do you believe spanking is an effective method of discipline?


Spanking is a widely debated topic. Most experts advise against using corporal punishment, but some parents believe that spanking is an effective discipline strategy.
Other parents admit they have occasionally spanked their child—especially when they were feeling overly stressed. Whichever camp they belong to, all parents need to know and closely consider the potential consequences of physical punishment, including spanking.

Parents Should Not Be Spanking Their Kids, and Here's Why

While most parents spank their children at some point, experts advise against the disciplinary practice. Learn more about the negative psychological, behavioral, and emotional effects of spanking, and what to do instead.

www.verywellfamily.com

I spanked my son ONCE, and realized in myself it was anger, and never did it again. He grew up to a model citizen, a fire fighter, and though he doesn't have children of his own yet, as said he will never spank his.

But others feel differently, hence the poll question.

What say we try it here, see if it makes you back off on the caps-lock and bold fonts.

 

[Overitall]

I never threatened spanking without following through. Generally it was me leaning in and telling them quietly something like "If you don't cut that shit out right now, I am going to wear your ass out in front of god and everybody if I have to.", and they knew that was it. I am a was a very easy going parent that had a fuse that was hard to light, but if you did, it was real short.

How did you communicate to them that you meant what you said?

 

[JMR]

The problem with just picking them up is what have they learned? You pick them up all the time for no reason. Slapping their hands teaches a connection that reaching for a lit burner has consequences. Remember, age appropriate training is a guiding factor.

I agree that age appropriate training is key. Children that do not understand "don't touch" are too young to be in the vicinity of a hot stove.
In your example I would have picked them up, and said "Don't touch. Hot" Following that there are many ways to demonstrate what a hot stove means. Slapping their hands does not necessarily connect to touching the stove at all.

 

[Overitall]

I agree that age appropriate training is key. Children that do not understand "don't touch" are too young to be in the vicinity of a hot stove.
In your example I would have picked them up, and said "Don't touch. Hot" Following that there are many ways to demonstrate what a hot stove means. Slapping their hands does not necessarily connect to touching the stove at all.

It’s not always easy to watch your child all the time. I have no disagreement with your approach. My example was just an example. Possibly an extreme one to demonstrate that teaching children that their behavior have consequences is the goal. Each situation and child may require a different approach. I don’t rule out spanking as a method to achieve a desired result. Keeping our children safe and contributing members of society.

 

[JMR]

It’s not always easy to watch your child all the time. I have no disagreement with your approach. My example was just an example. Possibly an extreme one to demonstrate that teaching children that their behavior have consequences is the goal. Each situation and child may require a different approach. I don’t rule out spanking as a method to achieve a desired result. Keeping our children safe and contributing members of society.

I realize that some very good parents occasionally spank. I never did, and have to say I was lucky enough to never have a child who made me consider it.
I will also say that I was never spanked as a child. I think it's a behavior that is passed on.

 

[Overitall]

I realize that some very good parents occasionally spank. I never did, and have to say I was lucky enough to never have a child who made me consider it.
I will also say that I was never spanked as a child. I think it's a behavior that is passed on.

Other than getting paddled in school I don’t remember my mother ever spanking me. I do remember her smacking me in the face one time when I said something to her I shouldn’t have. But only once. My oldest child I never spanked. My youngest a few times but she liked to challenge the boundaries often. Stubborn one, who took after me.

 

[SNOWFLAKE]

What say we try it here, see if it makes you back off on the caps-lock and bold fonts.

you want to spank me? ok, I like kinky but ummm, prefer the kinky from my wife, thanks just the same!

 

[Grand Mal]

Of course it is effective.

It is also effective not to spank.

It comes down to a parent who wants to put the time in and not physically harm their child, or a parent who is lazy and resorts to pain.

Spanking teaches kids a lesson about authority, submission and humiliation that I didn't think my son needed to learn.

 

[vesper]

If you are interested in stopping a burn, removing them quickly is as effective as slapping their hand. I think more effective. Unless you mean slap their hand later? But that would be weird.

I don't have eyes in the back of my head do you? It is impossible to prepare a meal or a lot of every day needed tasks and watch a toddler non-stop. That is why I used playpens. Today there are some that claim it is bad to use playpens but if I could not devote my constant attention to watching the child, the playpen kept them safe. Today they have safety locks for cabinets, plugs for outlets and new parents transform their entire homes into baby friendly making it able for them to feel more secure allowing the child to roam while they are busy doing other things. Today their homes are turned into everything for baby. When I raised my children we did not have outlet plugs etc. . We had playpens when we could not watch them with our undivided attention. But when they did have our undivided attention is when we taught them what they could touch and what they could not. They learned the definition of "no" early on.

 

[JMR]

I don't have eyes in the back of my head do you? It is impossible to prepare a meal or a lot of every day needed tasks and watch a toddler non-stop. That is why I used playpens. Today there are some that claim it is bad to use playpens but if I could not devote my constant attention to watching the child, the playpen kept them safe. Today they have safety locks for cabinets, plugs for outlets and new parents transform their entire homes into baby friendly making it able for them to feel more secure allowing the child to roam while they are busy doing other things. Today their homes are turned into everything for baby. When I raised my children we did not have outlet plugs etc. . We had playpens when we could not watch them with our undivided attention. But when they did have our undivided attention is when we taught them what they could touch and what they could not. They learned the definition of "no" early on.

My kids are full grown adults, and we baby proofed the house, back in the stone age. I never used playpens, but did use a baby walker. They could zoom around and watch the action but were pretty much contained. I watched them like a hawk. I think children understand "don't touch" and "no" pretty early on.

 

[vesper]

I never threatened spanking without following through. Generally it was me leaning in and telling them quietly something like "If you don't cut that shit out right now, I am going to wear your ass out in front of god and everybody if I have to.", and they knew that was it. I am a was a very easy going parent that had a fuse that was hard to light, but if you did, it was real short.

If the actions met the bar for a spanking there was no threatening. Often these incidents would be about brother blaming sister etc. When you told them to both bend over waiting for their whacks and then walk out of the room and listen to them talking among themselves you learned who was the one that was really guilty. The one that was guilty got the spanking.

 

[ALiberalModerate]

How did you communicate to them that you meant what you said?

That I said it.